to be upset school taught my 4 year old about the crucifixion

[littlemslazybones]

It's a CoE school, so I knew that this would come up at some point.

But he's 4!! And he is understandably upset and a little confused that someone would be tortured and nailed to a cross. In the bath, he was pointing at the palm of his hand and saying "and mummy, they just hammered it in, right through here".

And if they are going to do it, shouldn't they attempt to do it in an age appropriate way? My son came home with the impression that the crucifixion was some elaborate terrifying naughty corner. He was telling me how, once nailed to the cross, Jesus decided to be good. (Even as an atheist, I'm baulking at the blasphemy). At the very least, they should allow them to ask questions afterwards, right?

I'm dreading what might come today. My Dad died this time last year and I don't want to spend the Easter hols explaining how people can not come back to life. AIBU to ask the school to be more gentle with this stuff?

I've said on these theads before the problem is that there is no separation of church and state.
I'm a Christian, and therefore have no problem with my DCs learning about what I believe at school, but if I weren't it's totally wrong that I should have no choice but to send my children to school where this is taught.

Easter is THE Christian feast. The resurrection as a fact after Christ's death on the cross. What did you expect them to teach?

Religion had no place in schools. End of.

Oh op, I really, really hope the teacher told you where to get off. You are being ridiculous.

Resurrection is a non negotiable part of the Christian faith, but the OP isn't Christian.

Those of you questioning why the op sent her son to a CofE school - in this country there appears to be no way of avoiding a 'faith' education - my dd doesn't go to a Church school, and the school still invites a vicar in to do assemblies, they still say the Lord's Prayer and dd came home having learnt about Passover on Monday. We don't follow any religion, and I would prefer it to be put as 'some people believe that...' but short of asking her to be removed from assembly there doesn't appear to be any choice in the matter. She got quite upset recently because they'd said the Lord's Prayer, she'd heard the 'our father, who art in heaven' part and thought that that meant that her daddy was in heaven! She was only 3 at the time, I don't feel that suddenly coming out with these things with no age appropriate explanation is always the right thing to do.

I think evertone who is concerned about what their DCs are learning in school should research secularism and lobby for a separation of Church and State.

valium BluTack

fwiw ds goes to a CofE school and I've had to explain the crucifixion. Not because I'm a believer, but because I think it's important that children learn stories that are central to understanding our culture.

I'm sure there's a way of doing so in an age-appropriate manner however.

In my town all the primary schools are CofE. There are no non-faith options.

The debate about whether the statutory obligation for schools to include a collective act of worship in their timetables every day is a different argument. The OP has acknowledged that she chose to send her DD to a religious school knowing from experience what it would be like.

*has, not had.

The age appropriate manner is a slow burner. I asked marynot about explaining it to a 4 year old, because if a child is being brought up Christian, there isn't usually a lightbulb moment- shocker like the OP describes. It would be more like filling in the gaps of an already known story.

Where are all these schools that aren't CofE? The 'don't send your child there' bit is very confusing. Unless I suddenly win the lottery and can afford to send dd to a private school, there are no non CofE schools here. Certainly not within a 40 mile radius. There's a Plymouth Brethren school and a convent school actually. But they're similarly Christian in ethos obviously.

Anyway, that's not the point...

DD's doing crucifixion atm (also 4) and the school have handled it marvellously. It's worth approaching the school with an attitude of 'what actually happened' as opposed to believing how much detail was given. Because it might have been briefly and sensitively explained but your ds has fixated on that (for obvious reasons). And you can handle his reactions too. It's not just up to the school. DD gets upset by some very trivial things (not trivial to her) which other reception children just shrug and accept. I manage her reactions at home with further age appropriate discussion.

Yabu to ask them to swerve around the resurrection. It's a c of e school and is part of the national curriculum. Absolutely absurd to expect them to miss out the crucial bit of Christianity. If you don't like it, take your dc to a non Christian school (where they will still teach about it) for goodness sake.

\its a COE school its easter Im not sure what you expected tbh , maybe stories about easter Bunnies , My children didnt go to a church school we dont have church of scotland schools so they are non denom , but they still get the easter/christmas stories , I think your son will be ok , I dont think yabu though its a horrible story ,

I dont think its as bad as you think. Mine did crucifiction really early and wasnt traumatised. Horrible histories has gorier stuff.
Is gorier a word?

likewise in mine, booge

Well there are a couple of non-CofE schools, but they're not realistic options if one lives 6 miles away from them.

But honestly, after 7 years at the same church school my son isn't remotely indoctrinated, despite the vicar being a regular fixture. In fact I wish they'd teach them more bible stories. I think they've missed out.

Basically, not all CofE schools are the same. The church has so many schools because they were the ones who set them up in the first place - it's a legacy thing.

start my dd does go to a non faith school, and the Easter story has still been taught as fact. I don't believe that it is fact, I would prefer it to be told as a story. If I did believe it was fact, then it would be my choice to send her to a faith school. As it is I have no choice because collective worship is compulsory in schools in this country.

I think gorier is a word
Tbh I think parents are really worried about children being sad and upset this is where problems arise with things like this

, the Op is worried about her son because his granddad died recently It is ok for children to have sad and confusing feelings about things ,

we just need to talk them through it and try and not sweep them away ,

FWIW you cant really avoid religion being taught in Brittish schools and thats fine we just need to decide how we are going to Handle it if questions arise ,
we all know about jesusthe cruxifiction we all know what happened to him from school or church from a young age ,
Im not sure i have heard of anybody being traumatised by the story

OP - I am a Christian and I totally agree with you. The school should be tell the Easter story, but they should be handling the realities of it very carefully with the youngest children. Yes, death is part of life and they should talk about it. But it is not necessary to scare children with every detail, when they are too young to understand.

I have just been to my children's Easter church services. At the KS1 service, the death of Jesus was talked about, but without any reference to nails, blood etc. They moved quickly onto the message of new life.

The KS2 service was a bit more detailed, but still didn't dwell on all the nastiness.

The same churches will have much more powerful services for adult church members, but understand that things need to be age-appropriate.

I just asked if my son might be able to read his book when they discuss the Resurrection. I didn't jump up and demand anything. I didn't ask because I expected it to happen, I just said it would be kind if it could be achieved.
The teacher said she might be able to do that.

I understand I should have been ready for this but I just wasn't. I assumed, incorrectly, that his school experience would be similar to mine. I thought that there would be a bit-by-bit approach to the Resurrection. I certainly hadn't prepared him for the details. I wasn't ready for him to be talking about torture. So, I guess I've let him down. It wasn't maliciousness.

All the schools here are CofE so I don't have many options about changing schools.

OP, as a christian I dont blame you, I think 4 is too young for the grisly details, YANBU

I did not learn about the details until much older

My 5 yo autistic son has just had to deal with this whole 'true meaning of Easter' shtick at school. He's deeply confused/distressed and I am fuming. I'm also shocked that they've done this at a school where a large percentage of the pupils are Muslim, Hindu and Buddhist.

I can't send him to another school, it's the only appropriate SN school in the borough. It's not a faith-based school either.

Am shocked at the number of people telling the OP she is being unreasonable.

This is a four year old child we're talking about. Four year old children should not be subjected to horrific stories of torture and murder. To a sensitive child, it's immensely distressing. (I remember being traumatised at that kind of age by similar stories - I took a book out of the school library about the saints, and the stories of the various ways in which they were martyred kept me awake at night for years afterwards.)