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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you "pay " for a place at a wedding ?

399 replies

BahrainB · 28/03/2012 13:01

My cousin and his long term girlfriend are marrying at the Ritz in London in the summer and at Christmas asked us to save the date and for our boys to be involved . Most of her family live in Austraila
I booked flights from our home in Dubai and a extortionately inflated ( Olympics are on at the same time ) holiday let .
Today I recieved the official invite which along with Harrods wedding list details was a little printed note - I want to give an extrodinary day surrounded with all our beloved friends and family I am asking for the more fortunate amongst us to contribute £500 per couple so everyone can be here .
We promise exceptional wines and a lovely time . Ax

OMG - Am I livid .
I'm being asked to fund other guests travel ? or pay for our place at a wedding
that is really too OTT in my opinion .
I'm too embarrassed to discuss with my husband .
What would you do ?

OP posts:
plainwhitet · 28/03/2012 19:52

In all my going to weddings life (it is long) and all my mumsnet life (shorter but still several years) I have never heard anything so tasteless. Un-blinking-believable. Actually speechless at the sheer effrontery of the couple - whoever thought this one up beats all. Obv you have bought tickets and rented the flat, so I doubt you can cancel, but I would just write immediately a polite letter (in the post) accepting the wedding invitation and saying, "regarding your suggestion of a donation to help fund the wedding, sadly we are not fortunate enough to be able to donate these extra funds." Then buy two lovely beach towels from John Lewis (my stand by, always acceptable wedding present), go, and have a good time. The impossible rudeness of these people should just be ignored.

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 28/03/2012 19:58

This is definitely the best wedding AIBU I've read - it's made me Grin and look like this Shock all day.

It sounds like the most vulgar wedding ever - it'll be fab and we expect full updates afterwards and during.

FlangelinaBallerina · 28/03/2012 20:20

Juggling is right- this isn't a wedding presents vs cash thread. On those, the couple are only asking for one of those things! You can ask for presents, or money- but £500 is too much- or neither. But not both!

In the couple's position, the best way to have got what they wanted would be to ask for cash gifts, get some close relatives to pay for the flights on credit cards, then use all the cash gifts to pay the bill. Risky, but the best way. And they could've made things easier for themselves by not doing it in the middle of the Olympics, ffs. Whichever way you do things, that's going to mean higher costs therefore fewer relatives able to come.

WhenDoISleep · 28/03/2012 20:24

This is just Shock.

Does your cousin (the groom) actually know what the bride to be has done?

And what about your Aunt and Uncle? Surely they can't know about it?

PuggyMum · 28/03/2012 20:26

I agree with all the posters who say you should get some of the sponsorship money!

I would reply by saying you think it's fantastic that there are people who would contribute to those who are travelling as it's cost you a lot to book the trip and remind them how many of you there are so you get a share for each :)

I cannot believe that they actually thought you would pay for the trip yourself AND contribute £500 for other travelling guests too.

This must really have caused quite a stir for other guests too and in all seriousness I'd be calling your aunt and uncle and saying this is bang out of order.

Cherriesarelovely · 28/03/2012 20:36

Oh dear that is absolutely unbelievable! What a horrible situation for you. I just cannot imagine the cheek of people booking the Ritz and then asking the guests to pay £500 each to fund it when they have already paid out for air fares or whatever. Surely you wont be alone in declining to pay?!

Eglu · 28/03/2012 20:48

Wow, just unbelievable!! Did your cousin not tell her it wouldn't be a good idea to do that.

RubyrooUK · 28/03/2012 20:54

Wow. I'm getting divorced and remarried. You can totally take the piss with weddings these days and I need a new Aston Martin, yacht and holiday home in The Hamptons.

Naturally, you are all invited. Now, if you could all just make a small donation......

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/03/2012 21:05

omfg Shock

this really takes some beating!!!

i would reply along the lines that its a lovely idea but we are not one of the fortunate but sure others will pay

cheeky gits

wonder how many couples they asked??

im all up for giving money instead of a pressie,esp when couples been together for years and dont need furniture etc but to be told the amount they expect Shock

AKMD · 28/03/2012 21:29

:o hilarious thread. I bet the bride's MIL-to-be is nicked trying to pocket the silver at the reception and the 'feral' relatives start a brawl. Will be watching the news...

Figgygal · 28/03/2012 21:31

Wow wow wow unbelievable!!!!

drankwaytoomuchalcopops · 28/03/2012 21:48

I actually want the op to pay the money and go to the wedding just to see what happens.
Can she secretly film it and broadcast it live to us?
I am shocked by the invitations so would love to know what the wedding will be like . . .

AlfalfaMum · 28/03/2012 22:06

Shock this is amazing Shock
I really, really need to know how it turns out :o

LatteLady · 28/03/2012 22:07

Hmm... have we ever had a Mumsnet wedding gatecrash? I think we could pull this off.

Now, OP if you could tell us what time the bun fight kicks off we will be there... is there a Royal Enclosure ruling on hats? We will quite understand if don't want us to let the side down by wearing fascinators....

inabeautifulplace · 28/03/2012 22:15

Obviously that's a pretty rude request. But I'm thinking there's plenty of mileage in the grooms parents being able to fund a posh wedding but effectively not inviting their poor future in laws. What if this is the only way the bride can get her family to the wedding?

aftereight · 28/03/2012 22:20

Am I the only person waiting for the bridezilla to come across this on MN as she googles her own wedding plans combo and all hell breaking loose?
I hope not for OP's sake, but at least she (bride) would then realise SIBVVU

EverybodysSleepyEyed · 28/03/2012 22:25

Maybe the PIL agreed to pay for the wedding of their choice - they picked ritz etc and then asked for a contribution for the family. if I was PIL I wouldn't be too pleased!

It would be incredibly rude to gatecrash the wedding, LatteLady.

However, a flash mob in the Ritz ballroom on a certain day during the olympics would be perfectly acceptable!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 28/03/2012 22:26

Hmmmm. Web streaming would certainly add a certain je ne sais quoi to this, the classiest of weddings.

Perhaps OP can bribe the florists to install a hidden Bouquet Cam in the bride's flowers, or have a Hat Cam herself. Could the OP's OH get those snazzy little cufflink-cams a la 007?

QOD · 28/03/2012 22:39

Blardy nora

Ruckoff · 28/03/2012 23:32

holy fuck.... could this be an aussie thing?does the bride not realise this is fecking awful?!
ive just registered on MN after lurking for a while, this thread is going to by my first "watched" thread wehey!:o

IvanaHumpalot · 28/03/2012 23:54

You could set a FB page with a photo of each Aussie relative. Then each 'wealthy' relative/friend of the groom could pick one to sponser to come over for the wedding. Sort of Internet shopping for actual wedding guests. The 'guests' could have a profile, likes/dislikes, favourite pet. They could make a Dragons Den plea for your money.

When they come over, you get to have your name sewn into the back of their dress/ tux. XXX sponsored by YYY.

Please let me come. I would willing part with the cash to see this one (in all it's glory). Much better value than crappy mud swilling festivals.

mumeeee · 29/03/2012 01:05

YANBU. I've never heard of been asked to pay to attend a wedding. It's extremely rude. When my nephew got married in America ( he lives there) he was amazed that we gave them a gift. He said he wasn't expecting anyone who
had to pay for flights to give ten anything he was just pleased that we came,

TheCraicDealer · 29/03/2012 02:28

Thank you OP- now I can go to sleep, safe in the knowledge that there are always people unreasonable enough to ask shit like this, thereby keeping my favourite board in business.

I am also having lots of fun imagining what the brides relatives are like. In my head Crocodile Dundee will be giving her away, and Kylie Minogue (circa 1985) will fall over drunkenly after catching the bouquet, only to be dragged off later after shouting about Princess Diana conspiracy theories

pohara · 29/03/2012 03:03

Oh, a lot of ott replies. I read it as inviting donations to help the bride's family afford the trip from Australia rather than as paying to eat at the Ritz.

And it was a request, not an instruction so could easily be ignored.

I guess it depends whether it was addresed to you personally as a well-heeled relative or just a note to anyone who chose to respond.

TheCraicDealer · 29/03/2012 03:13

Eh? Hmm If the bride's family being there was of such importance maybe they should've had the wedding in Australia. I hear they have expensive hotels and grossly overpriced department stores there too. Or they could've saved longer and paid for it themselves :O

Also it's pretty fucking rude to think you can 'guess' how much disposable income your guests have, and then tailor their invites around it.

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