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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you "pay " for a place at a wedding ?

399 replies

BahrainB · 28/03/2012 13:01

My cousin and his long term girlfriend are marrying at the Ritz in London in the summer and at Christmas asked us to save the date and for our boys to be involved . Most of her family live in Austraila
I booked flights from our home in Dubai and a extortionately inflated ( Olympics are on at the same time ) holiday let .
Today I recieved the official invite which along with Harrods wedding list details was a little printed note - I want to give an extrodinary day surrounded with all our beloved friends and family I am asking for the more fortunate amongst us to contribute £500 per couple so everyone can be here .
We promise exceptional wines and a lovely time . Ax

OMG - Am I livid .
I'm being asked to fund other guests travel ? or pay for our place at a wedding
that is really too OTT in my opinion .
I'm too embarrassed to discuss with my husband .
What would you do ?

OP posts:
victorialucas · 02/04/2012 19:09

Who wants to bet the £500 that the marriage won't last 5 years?

bettybat · 02/04/2012 19:37

I would be really worried right now that the details on the Wright Stuff were way too similar to this situation, and someone might see it and realise it was the bride's/groom's cousin - I mean, how many times does this happen? Or is asking people to pay for your wedding a common occurrence? Hmm

But then I'm a total worrier and conjure up all sorts of scenarios to worry further about!

babylann · 02/04/2012 19:44

yeah, I think unless OP has changed some details (e.g. countries and/or specific amount asked for), that they could be very easily identifiable especially as the exact wedding venue has been mentioned, and a rough date.

I'm also a total worrier so it was my initial thought when I read it too.

CountryMouse27 · 02/04/2012 20:09

To be fair I think anyone who can afford to pay for a wedding at the Ritz for their children (circa £210k) probably wont be watching the Wright stuff on telly at midday midweek.

Not saying this comes down to class or anything...

I can't afford a wedding at the Ritz and even I dont watch the Wright stuff.

bettybat · 02/04/2012 20:18

Definitely good point CountryMouse and just what I'd be telling myself, but then I'd be thinking...but what if a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend etc watches it and puts two and two together....

CountryMouse27 · 02/04/2012 20:28

I'm really the same bettybat but I was trying to be optimistic for the poor OP.

I'm poorly this week and I'm wondering if I can actually find time in my busy daytime tv schedule for TWS tomorrow.

How many MN'ers will be sky plus'ing I wonder?

bettybat · 02/04/2012 20:51

I know, I'm not helping OP :(

It is pretty unlikely - who knows even who got the request for money, which narrows it all down a lot.

CountryMouse27 · 02/04/2012 21:06

Perhaps we could have a spartacus type rally round.

I am really the wedding guest.

No, I am really the wedding guest.

bettybat · 02/04/2012 21:27

Yes!

Wright Show viewers, it is I who am the wedding guest!

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 02/04/2012 21:32

No, it's me! I am the real wedding guest.

OhCobblers · 02/04/2012 22:02

Surely MN can delete this thread for the OP before transmission tomorrow so that any family/friends recognising the story (if watching) won't be able to read this??

SamuelWestsMistress · 02/04/2012 22:13

Does money suddenly grow on trees??

OhCobblers · 02/04/2012 22:15

Well I've had threads deleted for a lot less Confused

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 02/04/2012 22:27

I'd definitely be going for deletion! The bride could well see this!

MakeMineAChardonnay · 02/04/2012 22:32

I can't see it getting deleted, actually - all those saying 'the bride could see this and identify themselves' well couldn't they do the exact same things if they were a Mumsnet browser/lurker/poster?
This is an international, public board that anyone can see, after all!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 02/04/2012 22:49

So what if the bride sees it? I would have thought it would be good for her to see the reaction.

babylann · 02/04/2012 23:04

Dunno, I always think about it before posting a thread - what if x or y sees it? But then I think ' they have to be on mn at the same time as it's active, and to click that link on the active threads, and then to identify it despite it being told from a different perspective than their own. But if it was on tv? I'd be freaked out...

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 02/04/2012 23:06

I also think the pils are being controlling. Will pay through the nose for a wedding at the ritz as they clearly think they are a cut above, then refuse to fund bride's parent flights as they don't want them spoiling the photos. I think it is disgraceful that they would expect a daughter to not want her family there on her wedding day. They sound like manipulative snobs. I'm betting the b & g didn't have much say on the venue either. And I too think this thread should be deleted because if the poor girl sees what has been said about her and her family she would be heartbroken. Imagine having your wedding tainted in this way? Yes in normal circumstances this request is outrageous. But to me it sounds like a desperate attempt to regain some control over her wedding Sad.

misspedantic · 02/04/2012 23:16

I think that they are only asking people in a position to contribute to give money. If you can't then don't. It sounds to me that they put this note in all the invites and probably there are some people that are loaded coming to the party that wouldn't think twice about sending £500. I wouldn't be annoyed either. It's not as if they asked you directly for the money.

Thumbwitch · 02/04/2012 23:34

Well when the MW show says it's covering this thread, presumably it would be done in a more open-ended fashion, so as not to completely out the entire circumstances of the OP and her family - or am I just being entirely too optimistic here? Probably :(

Dozer · 02/04/2012 23:45

OP has nothing to be ashamed of for posting!

DitaVonCheese · 02/04/2012 23:56

Think you're being optimistic, Thumbwitch - he's more or less mentioned MN plus most of the details, so folks have already been over here to look. I've read about a dozen of the comments and now need to go and wash my head out with soap.

horsemadgal · 03/04/2012 01:04

Shock at The Wright Stuff.
But I've set my Sky Plus anyways.

misspedantic · 03/04/2012 02:50

Is it on tomorrows show... I just watched a promo for the show and it wasn't on there.

diddl · 03/04/2012 07:08

People think that it´s the ILs fault?

Bloody hell!

The couple are adults so could/should be paying for their own wedding.

Why would anyone expect the ILs to pay for flights as well?

If the ILs have engineered this, then more fool the couple for going along with it.

If they aren´t paying for their own wedding-can´t they at least fly the bride´s father over?