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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you "pay " for a place at a wedding ?

399 replies

BahrainB · 28/03/2012 13:01

My cousin and his long term girlfriend are marrying at the Ritz in London in the summer and at Christmas asked us to save the date and for our boys to be involved . Most of her family live in Austraila
I booked flights from our home in Dubai and a extortionately inflated ( Olympics are on at the same time ) holiday let .
Today I recieved the official invite which along with Harrods wedding list details was a little printed note - I want to give an extrodinary day surrounded with all our beloved friends and family I am asking for the more fortunate amongst us to contribute £500 per couple so everyone can be here .
We promise exceptional wines and a lovely time . Ax

OMG - Am I livid .
I'm being asked to fund other guests travel ? or pay for our place at a wedding
that is really too OTT in my opinion .
I'm too embarrassed to discuss with my husband .
What would you do ?

OP posts:
pohara · 29/03/2012 03:21

Yes they could have but they didn't so the guests have the choice of accepting or declining.

No need to assume ill will on anyone's part or launch an attack on the bride's family may not even be aware of the request.

pohara · 29/03/2012 03:21

who

TheCraicDealer · 29/03/2012 03:38

You're right, it's perfectly feasible that the family have no idea whatsoever about the P.S. on the end of some of the invitations, and might be absolutely mortified if they knew. From the majority of poster's responses I think that's how most of us would feel.

I'm a big believer in "you don't ask, you don't get", but this is going too far. On my list of ideas ^saving for longer or think of more affordable plan would come well before tap guests for more money^. It's all very well pointing out that they can decline, but you can't ignore the fact that a lot of people who got those invites now feel like walking ATMs

ZillionChocolate · 29/03/2012 04:03

How about "it's really kind of you to offer to contribute to our expenses but we have been saving for a while and can just about manage the cost"?

mockingjay · 29/03/2012 04:43

You need to respond to whoever the invitation is from (obviously not the bride due to the wording). The bride might know nothing of this additional note, especially if it's not on the actual invitation. Don't be annoyed with her!

And don't bin it, keep it so you can send it back to them on their 25th anniversary and make them cringe!!

jumpingjackhash · 29/03/2012 05:54

Mockingjay, it was the Bride's idea to do this!

mamij · 29/03/2012 06:00

YANBU! It's absurd they should ask that of guests. You should either ignore i.e. Lost in the post, or write back gushing how thoughtful they are thinking of your vast expenses and btw here's your account details for them to transfer the money Grin

saffronwblue · 29/03/2012 06:35

This is hilarious! Just hastening to add that it is not an Australian custom to beg for fares to be paid for guests.
I would so love to hear the conversation where they worked out the net worth of all the guests and divided them into two piles. "Now Bahrain does not pay tax so she can stump up 500..."
I would pop a 5 pound note in with my rsvp and pretend to have misunderstood the decimal point...

BahrainB · 29/03/2012 06:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyBadgerDontCare · 29/03/2012 07:09

I give you the Zimbabwean dollar $500 = 86p GBP

:)

scaevola · 29/03/2012 07:28

They ask for £s. Try Egyptian ones (about £50 GPB equivalent).

I think ZillionChocolate's way of phrasing a reply is brilliant.

soundevenfruity · 29/03/2012 07:37

How bizarre! Why don't they have two weddings: the Ritz (which is a strange choice in itself) in UK and barbie in Australia with only bride's and bridegroom's immediate family attending both? Bridegroom's mother is sounding quite Princess Michael of Kent flamed in USA for calling locals "colonial". Both families seem very poorly matched and I hope they will not pull the newlyweds apart.

OlaRapaceFru · 29/03/2012 07:51

How on earth did I manage to miss this thread yesterday? I love a good AIBU wedding thread, but this one is absolutely priceless. Shock

Brilliant idea, IvanaHumpalot, to set up a FB page to sponsor the Aussie rellies - it's a good thing I wasn't drinking any Brew at the time I read it, there would definitely be coffee all over the keyboard. Grin

Oh, yes, we'll need updates, Bahrain. Wink

YouChangeWithTheWeather · 29/03/2012 07:51

I actually feel (slightly) sorry for the bride. Her PIL have decided to have this posh wedding that her family can't afford to get to and this would seem her way of making a point. Obviously getting some balls and just eloping to Fuji would have been less pass-agg Hmm

inabeautifulplace · 29/03/2012 08:00

So the best plan would seem to be revert to plan A and have wedding in Australia. Craic Dealer, admittedly I haven't attended that many weddings but the brides family do seem quite central to events generally.

TheCraicDealer · 29/03/2012 08:19

I'm not saying they're not important, just that I personally would prefer to make other efforts to have them there on the day rather than ask people who are traveling already (during peak, peak tourist season in London) to fork out more money. That just might be me bring overly sensitive to the feelings of other people though. If having it all paid for by the groom's side means they have to compromise what they want then they should've thought about maybe giving more notice so they or Australian rellies could save to pay for these "extras" themselves. Isn't that what most people with no wealthy relatives would do?

StealthPolarBear · 29/03/2012 08:42

OP can you possibly clarify (as I am confused)

  • Who did the invitations come from?
  • Who was * (want to give * an extraordinary day) mentioned?
IDontDoIroning · 29/03/2012 08:45

Stealth op said something above about bride parents having remarried more than once I think and there being various step etc relatives.

StealthPolarBear · 29/03/2012 08:47

yes but the OP is saying the invitations came from the bride/grooms parents, so who is **?

Or is it that the bride wrote them on behalf of her DH to be, and she is **?

scaryteacher · 29/03/2012 09:00

I really dislike the guilt trip of being 'more fortunate' in the invite. I'd be going with a wedding in Aus, and a party in UK.

BahrainB · 29/03/2012 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soundevenfruity · 29/03/2012 09:03

The more I think about it the more it looks like a tug of war between the bride and her future MIL, and so far the MIL is winning. It looks like the wedding was engineered to exclude undesirable relatives: timed to Olympics, list in Harrods (???), reception in Ritz. The bride saw the red and demanded for her family to be included. I don't think she's been reasonable but then I don't think she's being rational, just hurt. Disregarding who is paying for the wedding she is entitled to have her family there. I am surprised the bridegroom didn't explain to her how it would look in the eyes of his family and didn't support her with his family. It's too early for him to be a passive observer if not a prize and it's too early for his family and particularly his mother to lock horns with her future DIL and it's definitely too early for the bride to be so ...unwise.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 29/03/2012 09:04

Wow!

StealthPolarBear · 29/03/2012 09:06

so it is the groom that is to blame for this

knifedrawermrssharp · 29/03/2012 09:06

All I want to know is why are the Aussie relly's considered feral? My mind is picturing em all arriving with corks hanging off their hats, drinking Fosters and fighting crocodiles in the lobby.