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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

would you "pay " for a place at a wedding ?

399 replies

BahrainB · 28/03/2012 13:01

My cousin and his long term girlfriend are marrying at the Ritz in London in the summer and at Christmas asked us to save the date and for our boys to be involved . Most of her family live in Austraila
I booked flights from our home in Dubai and a extortionately inflated ( Olympics are on at the same time ) holiday let .
Today I recieved the official invite which along with Harrods wedding list details was a little printed note - I want to give an extrodinary day surrounded with all our beloved friends and family I am asking for the more fortunate amongst us to contribute £500 per couple so everyone can be here .
We promise exceptional wines and a lovely time . Ax

OMG - Am I livid .
I'm being asked to fund other guests travel ? or pay for our place at a wedding
that is really too OTT in my opinion .
I'm too embarrassed to discuss with my husband .
What would you do ?

OP posts:
Inertia · 03/04/2012 08:41

Re Wright - is it incredibly cynical of me to wonder whether the chicken or the egg came first here?

babylann · 03/04/2012 10:33

Well it's on there, 20 mins from now...

BiddyPop · 03/04/2012 10:35

But the OP is based overseas? So how could she be on the WS? Don't say there are 2 weddings in the same vein??!! Shock Or maybe it's another guest who was the lucky recipient of the added extra in the invite - they could start a supoprt group between themselves!! Grin

CountryMouse27 · 03/04/2012 10:42

Kettles on, {gets comfy on the settee}

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 03/04/2012 10:46

Oohh, thanks for the reminder ! ... Brew Biscuit

Biscuit will probably be my response to Matthew's comments - so I'm getting that one in early Grin

ViviPru · 03/04/2012 10:56

Can we have a blow by blow commentary please for those unable to get to a TV? TIA Thanks

CountryMouse27 · 03/04/2012 11:01

Obviously biased presenting. Not even mentioned that the relatives were in Australia which is really the main part of the story.

Just lots of talk about weddings and how much it costs to attend in general - thankfully!!!

MrsBeakman · 03/04/2012 11:02

They've introduced it and done quotes from the OP and now a Nigerian woman is saying that in Nigeria they pin money to the bride to help her start married life.

MrsBeakman · 03/04/2012 11:03

Someone else will have to take over as kids talking over it/ TV reception breaking up.

cakewench · 03/04/2012 11:06

Well, that wasn't worth it.

CountryMouse27 · 03/04/2012 11:08

I feel great relief on behalf of OP. With a bit of luck it wont appear in the Daily Mail tomorrow.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 03/04/2012 11:11

They gave away the wedding venue and the place the wedding list is registered but I don't think they had much time left to really discuss it in detail.

QuintessentialShadows · 03/04/2012 11:11

Good on bride to be!

Clairfromwork has hit the nail on the head:

  1. Bride's family - not very well off (which is fine if they are happy and proud about their financial status, but I'm guessing they don't want it broadcast to a bunch of "more fortunates" on the other side of the world)
  2. Bride and Groom - greedy and grabbing (well that's the same thing really)
  3. Aunt & Uncle - controlling and selfish

I pity the bride. Marrying into such a snobbish family, and to get such inlaws.

I imagine she has done this, to broadcast to her fiances rich family what utter snobs they are, that her inlaws to be are paying for a lavish do, and want to exclude her family.

She has nothing to lose! Her inlaws have clearly told her what her place is!

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 03/04/2012 11:15

Perhaps they were being a bit thoughtful in not mentioning too many details - though they did say at the end where the venue and gift list are going to be.
Didn't mention OPs address though from what I remember.

Basically they pretty much used it as a spring board ...

they picked up on my thought that you can't really ask for both money and gifts Smile And asking for a fixed amount is pretty off.

Also talked about cost of attending a wedding. Apparently average cost to the guest is £501 which sounds a lot to me. I think I'd rarely spend over £100, especially per person.

Thumbwitch · 03/04/2012 12:04

So it wasn't too bad in the end then? Bonus! Although slightly surprising...

Any MN-bashing?

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 03/04/2012 12:06

Not exactly any MN bashing that I noticed - but then it wasn't done by Matthew - some other guy - I didn't catch his name.

CountryMouse27 · 03/04/2012 12:08

Was it Andrew Castle? I'm new to daytime tv really.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 03/04/2012 12:10

Could have been - name sounds familiar.

Proudnscary · 03/04/2012 13:23

It is a reminder that this is a public forum and the public, including journos, have every right to use what is in the public domain.

I remember a thread a year or so ago where someone posted the actual job description for a nanny. The OP was slagging off the posh family who placed the ad and all their demands. I urged her to get it taken down as the children involved could be identified! Some people are tres silly.

And yes I am wondering who generated this thread in the first place now!!!

babylann · 03/04/2012 13:41

Yeah I think it was Andrew Castle. Is he an ex tennis player or something? And did Strictly a few years ago?

The mentioned MN, they showed in writing the title of the thread, they mentioned the Ritz and the Harrods gift list. And the fact that it was £500 being asked for.

They linked a FB reply where someone said they could afford to pay for everyone's food so they invited guests to pay for themselves to come for a meal after the wedding.

The general consensus by all on the show was that it was cheeky and not right. Host took delight in mentioning the wedding was at the Ritz and the gift list at Harrods, because that further proved that said people could afford to pay for flights themselves. Only one person mentioned anything in favour of it, some guy on the panel who said it made sense to ask the more "affluent" guests to help the less so.

They said it would be fair enough if they had asked for donations, but giving a specific amount is rude. But it seemed like the general opinion was that gift lists aren't a good idea anyway.

The also interviewed a woman in the audience who is getting married soon, and she said they were keeping it small and intimate as they don't think it's worth paying through the nose. "Weddings are over-commercialised now". Host said this was a very mature way to look at it.

Some other woman rang up and said her friend got married and asked her to be maid of honour. She also secretly had another maid of honour too. And then bride demanded phone woman pay for her own dress as the other maid of honour said "that's the thing to do". Everyone scoffed and said they wouldn't be friends with her anymore.

I honestly think if I was getting married at the Ritz in the summer and saw that, I'd know it was about me. Similarly if I had a friend getting married at the Ritz, I'd question whether it was them and depending on how close they were to me, tell them about it.

They didn't mention OP's location, but they did give the exact title of the thread so it would be easy to come and look into it.

I think it's possible this thread isn't all that genuine as we haven't heard from OP for a while. And you would have thought she'd have had the thread removed, or at least have something to say about her AIBU being famous.

CountryMouse27 · 03/04/2012 13:54

Maybe its some sort of planned manipulation of the media? Make a big enough fuss and see if it gets on telly?

Turniphead1 · 03/04/2012 14:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MakeMineAChardonnay · 03/04/2012 16:20

Wonder if the OP knows it was on telly this morning? She hasn't been back to mention her claim to fame!

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 03/04/2012 16:41

I send her a PM to warn her and she replied, so she does know.

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