would you "pay " for a place at a wedding ?

[BahrainB]

My cousin and his long term girlfriend are marrying at the Ritz in London in the summer and at Christmas asked us to save the date and for our boys to be involved . Most of her family live in Austraila
I booked flights from our home in Dubai and a extortionately inflated ( Olympics are on at the same time ) holiday let .
Today I recieved the official invite which along with Harrods wedding list details was a little printed note - I want to give an extrodinary day surrounded with all our beloved friends and family I am asking for the more fortunate amongst us to contribute £500 per couple so everyone can be here .
We promise exceptional wines and a lovely time . Ax

OMG - Am I livid .
I'm being asked to fund other guests travel ? or pay for our place at a wedding
that is really too OTT in my opinion .
I'm too embarrassed to discuss with my husband .
What would you do ?

Oooo, I love ops like this. Gives you a chance to be justifiably outraged .

I bet you can get your money back on the hotel booking if you choose to BahrainB.

I have always jumped to the defence of people asking for money instead of gifts, in the case of people who really don't need more teapots and toasters, or are wanting a honeymoon of a lifetime they wouldn't be able to afford otherwise - but this! this! is really ing

Gift list at Harrods and reception at the Ritz and they are expecting people to subsidize it so their relatives can fly over from Oz?? Words fail me...

Love the comments about 'feral rellies in posh venues' - I was recently at a nice hotel restaurant for a friend's birthday and there was a wedding taking place elsewhere in the building...whenever we went to the loos there were wedding guests in various states of drunkenness/collapse/tears/arguing/amorousness in the foyer outside the loo.

It got so amusing we were using any excuse to troop to the loo to see what they were up to now...and at no point did I see the bride or groom. There just seemed to be endless amounts of relatives who clearly couldn't hold their drink. At one point a rather blousy red-faced lady stopped me going into the ladies because 'there's a girl crying in there' and did I mind going to the gents instead?

So on those grounds I would be tempted to go to the wedding just to see what sort of car crash it turns into...but realistically, you are quite right to not want to go now.

If this wedding takes place, and if it is at the Ritz I would be v v v surprised if the "exceptional wines" are anything other than the cheapest nv on the wine list.

Yes do do do send an email about how thrilled you are to be getting £500 help with your massive costs! Then buy a single ramekin dish from the list. Then turn up in jeans cos the costs are so huge, you can't possibly be expected to buy a nice outfit too!! Or, alternatively, tell the cheeky buggers to sling their hooks and spend the lot on a lovely holiday. Seriously, London is going to be hell during the Olympics (not complaining, actually quite excited but it is the truth!).

What a bloody cheek!

Oh please give us feedback on the wedding :o

OP, either way, as others have mentioned, you HAVE to go to this wedding. Put aside your principles for the day

Ok, the invitation is beyond a joke but describing their behaviour as 'pikey' is no joke. I am at that.

Does anybody else think it's completely bonkers to have your gift list at Harrod's, too? Selfridges, Harvey Nicks, Liberty maybe; John Lewis definitely - but Harrod's?

What with choosing the Ritz as well (much as I love it), it sounds like all they know of London is a postcard somebody sent them decades ago!

OP, I think you're going to have to tell them their request is offensive. They are clearly clueless.

This is my favourite thread ever!

"bonkers"? why Harvey Nicks is ok but not Harrods?

Took a while for the pikey comment to get picked up.

i did not know what "pikey" was (a foreigner)

That is beyond outrageous!

Have you decided what to do? Please send one of the suggested emails!

"Pikey" is offensive full stop. The problem is not with those who feel offended. Please don't use it.

I think they may be hoping to make some money out of this wedding! How will those not asked to pay feel when they find out? Offended or embarassed (or relieved)?

Surely if the bride so desperately needs her family to be there and they really can't afford to pay for the trip themselves she could have either had the wedding in Oz or booked for next year and saved up to help them herself?

What do you intend to do OP?

yes the dividing up of guests into 'people likely to pay £500' and 'people not likely to pay £500' is itself fraught with dangers....

So do you know how many others qualified for the special note too?

Send a reply asking if you can select your sponsered wedding guest by gender and age range? Ask if you will be getting twice yearly letters updating you on the welfare/progress of your sponsered wedding guest.

I love Mumsnet because every time I think I've heard it all someone surprises me :o This is possibly the most outrageous thing I have EVER heard. I feel a 'fuck off to the far side of fuck' coming on...

YANBU!!!

Given your update I would rsvp saying something along the lines of 'Mrbahrainb, littlebahrainbs and myself would love to attend your wedding. I am sure however you will understand that we can't possibly contribute to the travel fund as it is costing us a considerable amount to attend your wedding. If you would like us to donate £50 (or whatever you would pay for a present) in lieu of a present please let us know. See you in August. Bahrainb'

I think your cousin's bride has a fecking cheek, to be honest. But I'm not that surprised, given what you've said about her (assuming it's not all bias).

Just explain as civilly as you can that you've paid more than enough already just turning up yourselves.

And can I politely suggest the term "bogan" instead as it doesn't have the cultural offensiveness of the other term and is possibly more appropriate to the bride's country.

Assuming of course that you want to go!

FYI, bebe - the only sensible reasons for shopping at Harrod's are:

1. You're a tourist
2. You want one of their carrier bags for someone who is a tourist
3. You're in Knightsbridge and need an item of hardware, which can be can be hard to source in the district
4. You're in Knightsbridge and need a one-stop food shop
5. You're a tourist
6. You have a Harrod's account and all your other credit is maxed out
7. You are a busy multimillionaire oligarch, who can't be bothered to specify your latest ocean-going yacht: Harrod's staff will sort it for you
8. You want one of their carrier bags for someone who is a tourist
9. You're a tourist.

Harvey Nichols is bang opposite and more stylish. Peter Jones (John Lewis) is half a mile away. There are designer shops of all kinds.

London has more fashionable, more retro and more comfortable hotels than the Ritz, many of them just as well known. None of the others, however, can combine wonderful ladies' toilets with friendly staff and a Piccadilly address.

When you go to London, pop into Harrod's for the required carrier bag and go to the loo at the Ritz :) Steer clear of Bahrain's cousin's wedding, though!