would you "pay " for a place at a wedding ?

[BahrainB]

My cousin and his long term girlfriend are marrying at the Ritz in London in the summer and at Christmas asked us to save the date and for our boys to be involved . Most of her family live in Austraila
I booked flights from our home in Dubai and a extortionately inflated ( Olympics are on at the same time ) holiday let .
Today I recieved the official invite which along with Harrods wedding list details was a little printed note - I want to give an extrodinary day surrounded with all our beloved friends and family I am asking for the more fortunate amongst us to contribute £500 per couple so everyone can be here .
We promise exceptional wines and a lovely time . Ax

OMG - Am I livid .
I'm being asked to fund other guests travel ? or pay for our place at a wedding
that is really too OTT in my opinion .
I'm too embarrassed to discuss with my husband .
What would you do ?

No, they want a gift from Harrods AND the money.

If the bride and groom are that worried about far flung relations' travel costs they should have scaled back the wedding and offered to pay themselves. Not started a world vision style sponsor a wedding guest appeal.

sounds very rude to me, don't think I'd be bothering to go tbh, especially if you're expected to buy a gift from their Harrods list as well, not to mention the expense of your travel and accommodation.

I might be a little bit about people asking for money instead of presents - but demanding a specific (and large) sum of money and including a gift list as well, that really takes the !

They could raise money by opening a book on what time the fight starts.

yellowdinasour asking for money to furnish your new house as a new couple is not unreasonable in my eyes. A young couple starting out need the financial assistance and I for one would feel good about helping them start their life together, that is the whole idea of wedding gifts. The problem now is that couples who marry older, are financially stable and have everything they need are now asking for money to fund some other luxury and that isn't the same, neither is asking for guests to pay for your other guests just so they can show off at the Ritz.

That's just outrageously rude. I would cancel the flights and accom. send a 'with regret' card and spend the cash on a family holiday instead.

testicles

god I'm grumpy today

I would say, "How wonderful that you're subsidising the overseas guests- a lovely surprise, and so thoughtful given the cost of flights and accommodation during the Olympics. Attached is the invoice for our travel costs. I've knocked off our £500 contribution so that makes it £x net. Bank account details below. See you at the wedding"

Yes the whole purpose of wedding gifts used to be that you were helping the new couple set up home, hence towels, bed linen, kitchen equipment etc. this is just, well, vulgar.

I would attend the wedding but beforehand send a very nice note to the A (is that your cousin? Why is everyone assuming it is the bride who has written the begging letter?) and say, "We are delighted to be attending your wedding and we kniw you will understand that we have a lot of travel costs so we won't be participating in the collection for travel costs."

Oh yes, please do what RichMan said!

Wow.

Perhaps you should suggest they sell tickets to passing tourists, so they can 'participate in an authentic piece of British stinginess'.

Send her an email saying that you have booked your flights, but unfortunately will not be able to attend, as a £500 contribution for wedding, as per invite, is more than you can afford. Wish them a wonderful day, and copy your aunt and uncle into email!!

Let the fireworks begin. She must be as mad as a hatter, and you'll be doing your family a favour.

I'd say that as you are travelling from abroad that you are one of the 'less fortunate ' and should ask for them to pay your fares.

Joking aside, the idea of asking guests to pay for other guests - OMG! and I have never said that before!

The thing is, if it were a case of, 'We really want Kylie's family to be with us, and we're paying for their flights so to warn you, we have scaled the wedding back to a church do and a reception in the Scout Hut,' I would be straight on the phone to ask if they'd like the champagne as a wedding gift, or if we could help with the flowers or something. And I'd probably give them something off the list too.

But ffs, make an effort!

Are any of the guests so fabulously wealthy they could afford to drop a small fortune on flying over every single last embarrassing rellie over 'for a lovely surprise at the Ritz'?

X post RichMan

I just read that you didn't have to pay the £500. Still email her saying, that you are not attending, and copy in your aunt and uncle.

It's appalling. She needs to be told.

I could not attend such a wedding.

I assume as your cousin considers you among the more fortunate family members you won'y get away with cancelling on the basis you can't afford and waiting to see if a £500 cheque comes your way?

VictorianGentleman 25 year learning curve too?

YABVU.

It's family after all!

helpyourself, awesome name, awesome comment.

Would that be: Helpyourself to other people's dosh???

But seriously folks. Exceptional wines, feral family, posh venue in a heatwave, what could possibly go wrong?

OP you have to keep us posted, perhaps have some fun with 'do you mean us travelling from overseas?', and buy them a tea cup from the list.

I am determined to find out when this wedding is. But I suspect venue may be mysteriously moved...or event cancelled...

at 'exceptional wines' as the sweetener.