would you "pay " for a place at a wedding ?

[BahrainB]

My cousin and his long term girlfriend are marrying at the Ritz in London in the summer and at Christmas asked us to save the date and for our boys to be involved . Most of her family live in Austraila
I booked flights from our home in Dubai and a extortionately inflated ( Olympics are on at the same time ) holiday let .
Today I recieved the official invite which along with Harrods wedding list details was a little printed note - I want to give an extrodinary day surrounded with all our beloved friends and family I am asking for the more fortunate amongst us to contribute £500 per couple so everyone can be here .
We promise exceptional wines and a lovely time . Ax

OMG - Am I livid .
I'm being asked to fund other guests travel ? or pay for our place at a wedding
that is really too OTT in my opinion .
I'm too embarrassed to discuss with my husband .
What would you do ?

Stealth, they are all doing their best to make the wedding very unpleasant but at this point the groom has to take an active part as he knows his mother and bride best. He absolutely has to mediate. Bride's mother is dead and I would think the bride imagined discussing her wedding with her mother, choosing a dress etc. So for her it stirs really painful memories.

I am not keen on self-righteous at other times but weddings are definitely nit the place for it.

OP your description of the Aussie rellies being feral - who did it come from in your family? Many families have stepchildren and complicated setups, it's very common these days. Doesn't equate to feral you know.

I think soundevenfruity's post to be very interesting. You may be angry at the request for money, but I think it may be enlightening for you to detach and take a step back to look at what's really going on.

If the groom's parent's are paying for the wedding, are they making all the decisions? Has the bride been able to make any decisions at all? Is it really fair for her to be so isolated before they are even married? You may even think about suggesting to your cousin that he and his bride elope and "do their own thing"!

The groom sent the note out himself

Point has probably already been made but I think it unreasonable of the bride to expect grooms "rich " relatives to pay to fly her relatives to uk. She should not have agreed to a wedding that a significant proportion of her family couldn't attend without financial assistance.
However If her extended family is so important to her why didnt she insist in getting married in Aus and then "rich " relatives could have flown themselves to Aus.

PM any London Mnetters the date, so they can go for tea at the ritz that day and provide a running commentary.

Does the groom have any balls to make his own decisions? Instead of sending out such a rude note, why didn't he tell his parents he's changing plans in order to accommodate bride's parents. I don't get the feeling this marriage will have a happy ending.

Well if any of the Aussie relatives look like the blond guy from the Fosters adverts, I'd happily pay £500 to be at the Ritz ;) yum

I'm a London MNer.

Perhaps we could have a rota system? You know, some of us having tea, some in the bar/s, some hanging out in the ladies loos (perhaps if we get some of the male MNers signing up, some of them could hang out in the gents?), then we've got all the bases covered.

soundevenfruity I think you've hit the nail on the head.

OP said At one stage there was talk of having an Australian wedding, then as other posters suggested my Uncle and Aunt stepped in and offered to pay for what ever they ( more likely my Aunt ) would like

The bride is obviously perceived by the OP's family as being of a lower class and the wedding has clearly been planned and organised by the mother of the groom to exclude the brides family as much as possible. I would bet anything that the refusal to help pay for the brides family to come over didn't happen until everything else was planned to prevent the bride from insisting they marry in Australia.

While what the bride has done sounds grabby I suspect she is trying to prove a point as does not have any other options. I strongly suspect her threat of doing this on mothers day was to try and get her fiance to see sense and help her get her family here for the big day, when he did nothing she had no choice.

Sorry OP, but your aunt sounds like a passive aggressive, controlling snob and your cousin sounds like a wimpy mommy's boy!

The groom did it! Or did the bride writethat sntenxe about erself?

The bride and groom are equally to blame for the rudeness. OP said the bride was talking about doing this with another relative in Mothers Day.

I don't see how either of them can be excused because the bride is upset at her future in laws paying for the wedding and making arrangements (if they are). Presumably the bride and groom are both adults who could tell the grooms parents they dont want their wedding paid for by them if they wanted to. Of course the bride has other options, it's her bloody wedding! If she can have the front to allow her dp to ask his relatives for money, I'm sure she's more than capable of telling her in laws to shove the wedding at the ritz.

The grooms parents could just be giving them a set amount of money for the wedding and be letting them have it where they want for all we know.

You should really pity the bride. She's getting your aunt for a MIL.

If are feeling pissed off at the exclusion of your family then put the clampers on the plans and have a word with your prospective MIL, declining financial help if she gets uppity. You don't go ahead with doling out invites including selective requests for money! It doesn't paint you or your own family in the best light to your new relations. People will be talking about this for years.

Although I acknowledge she may be thinking less than logically about it at this point, especially if she feels backed into a corner. OP's aunt sounds like Hyacinth Bucket with a gold card.

Shamelessly marks place.

I would reply "sorry, can't contribute to wedding at the moment but will gladly be the first to pass round the hat for the divorce costs at the appropriate time" as it so clearly going that way.

I wonder if groom's mother doesn't have daughters and sees this as her only chance.

So, as the note was from the groom is it possible that the bride doesn't know about this and getting her family there is some kind of surprise? Where do the replies go to? Bride and Groom or his mum and dad?

We could have a London MN afternoon tea party at the Ritz and watch the bunfight.

Why don't they sell tickets to the post wedding punch up and use that to fund the relatives coming over.

Seriously, I think soundevenfruity has made a good point. The MIL appears to have turned this into her idea of a "naice" wedding without really taking the bride's feelings into consideration.

Just re read the OPs posts (I'm investing far too much energy into this) and I want to know why there seems to be some kind of expection that the grooms parents should pay for the Australian family to be there just because they are paying for the wedding?

Why can't the couple pay for the brides family to be there themselves, or let them pay for their own flights and accommodation? Im not surprised the grooms parents don't want to pay for the other side of the family to be there. Although not wanting them there is horrible.

I agree with Outraged... having just spent forever catching up on the 6 pages of posts since I last looked!

My parents paid for my wedding, they covered everything... all meals, wine, cars, buses, etc for both my own family and my DH's. However they would not have considered paying for they transport for guests who live at a distance. It is really not the done thing.

Surely if the brides family need to travel this should be at their own cost? The grooms family are paying for the entire wedding so the brides father has only got to cover his air fare, accomodation etc.

Could you put your "ticket" on eBay?

You could give the happy couple the funds you raised but say someone else will be attending in your place.......

This "clever ploy" tars bride and her family much more than the groom's so it's obviously is not her intention. But clever ploy it is.

Just read this what a bloomin' cheek!