would you "pay " for a place at a wedding ?

[BahrainB]

My cousin and his long term girlfriend are marrying at the Ritz in London in the summer and at Christmas asked us to save the date and for our boys to be involved . Most of her family live in Austraila
I booked flights from our home in Dubai and a extortionately inflated ( Olympics are on at the same time ) holiday let .
Today I recieved the official invite which along with Harrods wedding list details was a little printed note - I want to give an extrodinary day surrounded with all our beloved friends and family I am asking for the more fortunate amongst us to contribute £500 per couple so everyone can be here .
We promise exceptional wines and a lovely time . Ax

OMG - Am I livid .
I'm being asked to fund other guests travel ? or pay for our place at a wedding
that is really too OTT in my opinion .
I'm too embarrassed to discuss with my husband .
What would you do ?

I think this post (below) from the OP indicates it was the bride's idea to ask for contributions - and another post from the OP indicates that the groom's mum has probably made most of the major decisions, Stealth.

I have an update as I've just skyped my cousin (the grooms sister). She has given me the low about the "special request" slipped in to some peoples invitations. Apparently it's was the brides initiative and she discussed her intention on mothers day with my cousin. We apparently qualified as the more fortunate because we don't pay tax in Dubai!! My cousin (grooms sister) never thought she would actually do it . Apparently my Aunt and Uncle (they are loaded) are paying for the wedding pretty much but won't contribute to the Australian's flights or accomadation as they would rather they weren't there.

Personally, I don't think it's about 'fault' so much as an unfortunate situation with one family not wanting anything to do with the other family.

Yes I saw that but confused. Did she really write it to look as though it was hee dh who had writen it with her having no knowledge/ that really tops it all off.
Think at Christmas dh may give me diamond earrings. Wonder how I can forge his hndwriting on the tag :o

It all sounds quite unpleasant. God only knows how married life will pan out for these two given the groom's family's attitude to the bride

My interpretation is that it was the bride's idea, but as the wedding invitations came from the groom's parents I suppose the groom thought the note would be better coming from him - or, as you say, she wrote the note as though it was from him, but with his knowledge I assume.

Good luck with the diamond earrings

Come on Bahrain, what have you done about it?

I'm wondering whether the bride came up with the idea but decided not to go through with it, either through common sense or cowardliness, and the groom decided to step in instead as a surprise ... ?

But yes, we need an update, OP

Just ignore the request if you feel you must go out of family obligation. If they're relaxed enough to ask you to pay £500 they should be relaxed enough when you tell them to get stuffed.

I haven'treadtheentire post but from what i can gather ...

It sounds like the grooms parents are organising the wedding, and I do feel a little sad that the bride won't have her family there on her big day just because her family don't have as much money.

I think what the grooms parents are doing is wrong, using their money to manipulate the situation.

The groom should stand up to his parents and ask them how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. If they are paying for the wedding, and holding it in a country as far away as possible from the brides family, AND they're aware bride's family cannot afford the flights, then the grooms parents should pay for them to come over.

On another note entirely, if guests are travelling from abroad they should not be expected to buy gifts too!

waiting for the youtube video

So tacky and awful. Have they no shame??? If they really wanted others there have a cheaper wedding and pay for the flights themselves

OMG. My gasted is flabbered. They will probably be very embarrassed about this in the future... unless they have no conscience.

You can still go, just say already funding flights so can't fund anything else.

Or just ignore.

Sounds like asking more money to fund other's travel. But agree rude.

Don't understand those who criticise the groom's parents. Tradition would dictate that the bride's parents pay most, although in a modern wedding it's likely the bride and groom will pay a hefty chunk. I think it's perfectly reasonable for groom's parents to decide that as they're paying untold thousands then the least they can expect is that brides parents pay their own way there, of B&G pay for them

But, Collaborate, the groom's parents have rather engineered this situation. Originally the wedding was going to be in Australia. They then used their financial clout to have the wedding in the UK, in order to exclude the Aussie rellies - according to the OP.

The bride probably got a little carried away with the idea of a fairy-tale stylee wedding at the Ritz and probably also lost sight (or wasn't aware) of the bigger picture.

I'm also guessing a little naivety on the bride's behalf. Maybe she didn't realise her Aussie family couldn't afford to come over here. Or maybe she thought the groom's parents would, at least, pay her dad and stepmum's fares (not that they should have to). Or maybe she is slightly ashamed of her family's more 'humble' background and went along with the idea of getting married in the UK without telling her family.

The OP's DH is of the opinion that the UK wedding was being organised without the Aussie side knowing about it, but that they got wind of it and have told the bride they want to be there but can't afford the fares and what is she going to do about it?

As lots of us have said, it's just a shame that the B&G didn't put their collective feet down much earlier and organise something that would be suitable for both sides.

I think it's right to blame the B&G as they could always have refused the money. I don't blame the groom's parents stipulating that a wedding they pay for must be in this country. Are we to assume bride's parents would have contributed absolutely nothing to the wedding had it been in Oz? Or that B&G wouldn't have paid a penny towards it themselves had g's parents not stepped in? I don't see how, just because groom's parents are paying nearly all the bill, that they should be lambasted for being allegedly Machieavellan (undoubtedly spelt that wrong). Just as everyone is aghast at the outrageous demand for £500, so I am at others (a minority I think) who think somehow it's ok to demand groom's parents stump up a few thousand more.

OP- add me to the raffle of MNetters who'll have your ticket if you decide not to go. Sounds like it would rival an episode of Shameless.

I see Matthew wright is planning to cover this thread tomorrow. I hope you anonymised sufficiently, op!

What? Seriously?

Just seen that as well Everything, it's on the Facebook updates for tomorrows show.

Given that the Australian dollar is practically at an all-time high against the pound, even if twenty guests are prepared to pay the £500 this will only amount to £10,000 - possibly enough to ferry just 2-3 embarassing relatives guests over from the Antipodes. Which begs the question: If you are that desperate to raise £10,000 that you are prepared to both humiliate yourself AND insult your guests to get it, you presumably can't afford to be holding your wedding at the Ritz in the first place.

Oh god... Can't imagine what I'd do if a thread I made appeared on TV...

Does that man ever do any work?

Fuxache, don't the MW show ever research anywhere else?

Yep, just seen the show tomorrow is covering this thread. I'm starting to think one of the show's researchers is a regular Mumsnetter.
They don't half spend a lot of time trawling here!

YANBU

I wouldnt mind if the people concerned were poor but that is taking the