to have debts on a credit card that is my own credit card

[tinkhassprung]

hi

i have debts on a credit card that is mine
dont see why i should tell dh

I am concerned.

You seem to not be very clued up about credit cards, apr, interest, 0% deals etc.

I had a flyer in the post about Very. It said, Spend £60 on credit, and get £30 cash. APR is a whooping 37%! They are going to earn back their £30 very soon with those interest rates. They are designed to target people with a spending problem, and with little money.

You need to speak to your husband about the depth of your debt. If you can not handle your spending, you need help.

Very do buy now pay later. As long as you pay balance before the bnpl term ends you don't incur any interest. We use Very for large household items.

It's if you don't pay on time, you end up paying huge amounts of interest.

Tink. Your husband hit you. You have a problems with spending money (whether through overspending or just not having enough to begin with). It sounds quite complex but I get the sense that you are very unhappy and may have some self esteem issues. While I think there has been and will continue to be a good deal of support for you here on MN, I really think that you need someone to help you in real life. Someone you can sit down with and feel able to disclose all that you have written about here. Your relationship with your DH, your money problems and most importantly your sense of self worth. Women's Aid perhaps? You really, really need a real life shoulder and some practical advice.

Goodluck x

I think op only gets £10 from Betterware on other thread she said she had nearly £200 per month (sorry can't look exact amout on phone) in benefits and dp gives her extra bits of money for food shopping if needed.

Really you do need to listen to this.

You can't excuse either the fact you are in a position where you are not able to be honest with your husband and that you are brushing under the carpet the fact the he HIT YOU IN THE FACE. Sorry for the caps but that is what happened.

You are repeating this as if it's ok. You've told him it's unacceptable and so it's ok. I don't recall you mentioning an apology on his side, of him being mortified that he'd over reacted. You seem to have had a strangely disassociated reaction to the whole thing. Including the fact that you are deliberately deceiving this person who is supposed to be your partner and you seem to want to have validation for that.

That validation is not possible, if I came on and said, I've just discovered DH has £1,000 of debt and he's been scrimping on the kids clothes/shoes/party gifts etc to pay it back and I can't understand why he didn't just talk to me about it. I know he has a problem with money but we're about to take on a big new house and I'm worried about the new commitment, then I find out this....

It's really your disassociation that makes me uncomfortable though.

Can some one link the other thread please? Tink is a longtime poster i can assure you she is part of our antenatal thread. Tink im sorry you are in this situation x

You sound so desperate tink. What would you like to achieve?

How can we best help you with all this?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1436829-hubby-slapped-me-gently-on-face-cheek-amnth-ago

Sorry if Tink didn't want this thread to be linked but I think most people are(rightly) concerned for her.

Tink where abouts in the country are
You (roughly)

Not sure how helpful that was StrandedBear.

Stranded, Tink has been on here for about 5 years. We were ttc at the same time and the DCs are 3 now. She's a long term MNer.

Tink, sweetheart I'm worried about you. If I was you I would be trying to get a relate appointment so you and DH can talk about this. He needs to know about all the debts so you can manage them together.

It isn't fair that he doesn't know about them. I know you say you aren't scared of him hitting you again but are you worried about his reaction?

I knew you loved to spend money on the girls as nearly every post on the wagon has a mention of something you've bought them. But I didn't realise that it was this bad.

Hope you're ok. xxx

Didn't the op say she had been to relate before?
Did it not help tink?

Tink is distressed and worried. She needs proper support and that requires all the details.

Owing a grand on a credit card is really neither here nor there with her husband earning £40 k a year. It just isn't.

Tink, please phone Women's Aid. They will help you.

I don't know if anyone has picked up on this before, but am I right in thinking the Dh called her out of the room away from her dd to hit her? This wasn't a momentary loss of control. He knew exactly what he was doing.

D0oin, she did say that but she was saying it was so they didn't argue in front of their DDs.

She said he called her out to talk about it, they had an argument and then he hit her.

She said he didn't call her in to hit her, but didnt want to argue in front of DCs there was an argument, and he slapped her

Which doesn't make it acceptable by any means.

Blimey, what a mess.

No, not at all. There are a lot of issues here.

Well as long as you're paying it off yourself and you can actually afford to pay it off then it's fine I suppose. Although there shouldn't be any secrets in a marriage. Imagine if you died tomorrow, and your husband finding out he owes alot of money thanks to your debts.

Personally, I have no respect for people who buy things with money they don't have and then get into debt. This is why we're in a recession.

Tink has been here at least 4 years, always uses seasonal variatiions of tink name.

Tink- is the interest on Very really 40%????