to have debts on a credit card that is my own credit card

[tinkhassprung]

hi

i have debts on a credit card that is mine
dont see why i should tell dh

How many women on relationships find out about men running up a debt without telling them

If you can't tell him there is a flaw in the relationship imo

Tink said she is not scared to tell him through a fear of violence.

You opened an account in your child's name! Are you crazy? You want him to have bad credit before he can get a credit card? While I don't condone slaps not even gentle ones, you would drive me to slap you for your stupidity.

My DH and I have no financial links - no joint mortgage, no joint account etc.

What you have just posted would drive me to slap you mynewpassion . No-one should live in fear in violence, no matter what they've done.

Tink, you need help, sweetheart. You do not have to live with someone you fear. Nor do you have to struggle with debt and spending. There are organisations that will help you.

Can you post your whole story here? We can point you in the right directions.

No woman deserves to be slapped by their husband, ever, stupid or not

imnotmymum depends really, if they've never jointly applied for credit, and he's never stood as guarantor for her - then it's possible that they don't have a link.

I just do not see the point of this thread sorry but OP you know you have a problem or it would not be a problem. I went shopping the other day on my credit card came home with stuff eh oh no biggie if you are hiding it then it is a problem as I said come on OP you know it. If it were AIBU for hiding vodka bottles from my DH I would say of course you are an alcoholic you are a spendaholic and unless you can afford to pay it [otherwise I guess there would be no problem] you need help.

given he slaps you for spending without permission i don't think you're unreasonable to not tell him.

i do think you're unreasonable for the multiple threads without the facts posting though.

Tink - no one should be afraid to tell their husband anything about credit cards or how much they owe. It's not about whether it's your right to privacy, it's about how it affects your dynamic as a couple.

I have credit cards, that are my own, my husband doesn't know how much is on them but he knows that the repayments are manageable and do not cause us a problem.

Your situation is very different - you have very tight finances and you have debts that your husband does not know about. You are living a lie and it is causing you stress. I'm guessing one of your reactions to stress is to go out and buy things? Would that be a fair guess?

Sorry but what she's doing to her child is illegal. She "stole" her kid's identity to get a credit card. And that would make me see the red mist of rage. If my partner did that, I am sorry but we are over. He would be kicked to the curb

tink - no, you have no obligation to tell your husband about your debt (Married Woman's Property Act means that anything that's your belongs to you andyou have rights to keep it)
However, you have a big problem and you need to tell your DH about it so that you can work on it together.
Seriously, you need to cut up your Credit card, close your Very account and tell your DH about it all. You also need to get rid of your Parent status on your DD's bank account - that's not good at all.

If you are spending more than you can afford, then you need to talk to your DH about it.
If you are running up debts you can't afford to pay, then you need his help and support.

Some of Tink's debts have been run up because she has to use "her" money to buy luxuries like clothes for their children.

Tink, just because me and Swallowed don't agree with a lot of what has been said on the other thread doesn't mean we don't have your best interests at heart.

...and whatever the scale of the debts, and however "reasonable" you think your husband's reaction was, you are still repeating yourself over and over again "he knows it's unacceptable....I have a spending problem"

Chanting it like a mantra isn't going to make any of it better.

I thought someone said that she didn't fear him?
or did I misread that sentence?

just going to find the other thread so I can be fully informed.

Prob best nickel.

I don't see where Tink says she opened an account in her child's name?

oh shit :(

I just found the thread.
I read it before, too - I just didn't recognise her name.

I'm sorry tink
scrap what I said.

You do need help on the finances.

I don't know what to say.

someone said earlier in the thread that she said it.

Bucharest, she has to use HER money to buy luxuries?
Well her DH pays ALL of the bills doesn't he?
And tink then spends the money set aside for bills to buy something pretty cos she has spent HER money paying off a debt that her DH doesn't know about on a secret credit card he doesn't know she has.

God forbid anyone should have to spend their OWN money on luxuries
FFS

i dont fear my husband
he hit me gently because i used r joint account which is money for bills etc
which i havent got the right to use. which i had used a couple of times before and always promised not to use again
we have had a chat i told him that hitting me was unaccetable and wouldnt be tolerated
i use benefit money which goes into my account for girls clothes,shoesandxmasplusbdaypressies
he puts some of his money into joint account for morgage,bills
i have started paying off cards now

You should be using his earnings for most of the clothes, shoes and christmas and birthday presents too.

Nickel, what is the op supposed to be spending the money on then?
From her posts it sounds like DH wages just about cover the mortgage, food, bills and petrol.
Surely if the op has extra money each month and DH can't afford new clothes and toys every week then the op has to buy these things?

Do you work Tink?

doesnt really count but betteware

It does count tink, you are out there doing a job aren't you?
What does your wages get spent on, does it go toward the bills?