To think it's wrong to become pregnant via a sperm bank...

[pinkpainter]

Ok - this isn't a couple where the man isn't able to produce sperm, this is a single 30 something year old who has never had a boyfriend and thinks this could be a solution to her wanting a baby if she can't find a man.
Firstly - is it legal?
Secondly - she would have no support from a partner, I've tried to tell her how very very difficult and lonely it would be bringing up a baby on her own.
Thirdly - she has no savings or a career that would pay enough for childcare, so she would be relying either on her parents or on government handouts so she could bring up the baby.
Fourthly - I imagine all the emotional support and practical support would be from her mum, and I don't think it's fair to burden her like this at this time in her life.
Fifthly - I worry about what sort of people give their sperm to a sperm bank, would there be a medical history with the sperm?
And lastly - is it moral to bring a baby into the world like this?
But AIBU - does everyone have a right to children, whatever the circumstances?

Thank you for all the replies - it's good to get some opinions on this.

YABU

I always wanted children, if I hadn't met my DP I might of done that...who knows.

You shouldn't judge people like that. It's not very nice.

I'm going against the grain - I think in every other area of life it's just her business, butt out, etc etc, but when a child is involved I tend to think of it from their point of view.

Life's hard enough without being born into this situation.

Having said that, I do really feel for people who want children and haven't met the right man.

I think having a baby using sperm donation is fine but as long as she can afford it. To go out and get pregnant on purpose and then rely on benefits is wrong (whether its natural conception or not!) but if she is financially stable and emotionally ready then there's no reason not too. I think she would be wrong going ahead with it if she really can't afford it.

I know a few single mums, they weren't single when having their DCs but their partners left, that made it lonely for them as they were left on their own but I would imagine if you knew from day 1 you were going into it alone it would not be as bad as it would be your own decision.

Having children is not a right - everyone has a choice and everyone has a right to have the opportunity (medical help etc) to conceive but in the right circumstances.

I think YABU if she has thought it all through.

30? Lone parent? Grandmother wants a grandchild and will help raise it?

You're talking about Helen from the Archers aren't you? Are you Kirsty or Brenda?

Ps. You might want to give the Bridge Farm ice cream a wide berth for a bit too.

This attitude that only well off people have the right to have children really annoys me.

In principle I don't think there's anything wrong with using donor sperm to conceive even if you know you're going to be a LP. I do think though that it's a bit irresponsible to set about trying to conceive if you already know you don't really have any savings or much of a career to speak of, and aren't with a partner who has those things either.

much better to get with some random bloke; only a 1 in 5 chance of domestic violence and/or marital rape. Much better background for a child. Likewise huge proportion of absent fathers pay no child support, have no contact. And 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. How is this better than sperm donor?

YABU. This has got absolutely nothing to do with you. So you don't approve? Fine, but remember your way isn't the only way!

I don't think only well off people should have children, I wasn't well off when I had children, but I didn't rely solely on benefits, we waited until we knew we could afford to have children, we got a small amount of tax credits and obviously child benefit but that was it. My friend chose to get pregnant on her own, gave up work, got given a really lovely flat and had many extras paid for by the government. Not really fair is it!

Some people are left in a situation when they already have children and maybe a partner leaves or whatever and those people are the ones who really deserve the benefits. Not teenage girls who get pregnant to get a free flat etc etc - that does happen - I live in a city where teenage pregnancy is very high so it happens all the time here.

YABVU
I know someone who did this aged 39 because she wanted a child but wasn't prepared to settle for a rubbish relationship to have one. The difference was that she saved up to cover the costs, but you can't say that only the well-off have the right to a child,

perception - I don't think anyone is saying 'only well-off people should have children'. Lots of people who aren't well off at all plan and budget and take the financial responsibility of children incredibly seriously. No-one is judging them.

But I think there is something a bit off about a situation where someone doesn't have many resources at all but goes ahead and has a baby thinking 'oh it'll work out somehow, the government will help.'

You never know. If the subject of the OP's post hasn't been motivated enough to get a better job up to now, the addition of a child to her life could be the spur she needs. People get pregnant all the time, make poor choices of partners, or have children they don't want. A loved baby, the result of a conscious decision has a lot of advantages others never get.

Just to add, of course I don't think it's better to get with some random bloke, and I'm well aware of the divorce/violence stats (from my own background).

Also, I'm not entirely sure about the "it's got nothing to do with you" stance when a child is involved. My childhood could certainly have benefited from a bit of interference from responsible adults.

I thought that too, Chaos...

Fothering that makes it sound like the woman in question is not responsible though.
If it helps, DH and I were still starting out in our careers & had no savings when we had DS. We have never relied on 'government handouts'. It is entirely possible to do this.

YANBU if she is already living off others-be it taxpayers or her parents. Not going to be the best start for the poor kid is it?

Of course it's legal. As for whether it's morally right, or a sensible idea in a particular situation, that's up to the woman/couple involved - not really anyone else's business.

I do agree you can't always say 'none of your business' when a child is involved - but that's more if you have good reason to think the child is being or will be neglected or mistreated somehow. I don't think that's automatically the case just because their mother has 'never had a boyfriend' (is that code for 'gay'? )

OP has been here for a while, I think. But yes, I wondered that, too. Seems legit, though.

And yeah, YANBU.