To wonder if I'm missing something and there is actually more to life with a young baby

[PinkFondantFancy]

This is a bit long and rambly and TBH not even sure what the point is but I'm hoping someone might have some ideas.

My DD is 6 months old, and we're currently in a relatively good place at the moment sleep-wise as she wakes every 3 hours at night for a feed. That's right, 6 months in and she's waking more often than my friend's 4 day old baby.

She's EBF and bottle refusing so the nights are what they are. I'm starting to wean her but its slow going. Anyway, I'm not really looking for any advice about nights. I'm more worried about the days. I feel like they're made up of time units that I trudge through, killing time. I'm not sure even what I'm killing time waiting for exactly. I don't think I'm depressed, I think I'm just totally exhausted but I can't help but think I'm missing something and there must be more to life.

I can't be bothered to go to any mum and baby groups or to see other mum friends. It's at best dull - noone takes about anything except their babies - I can't even remember what I used to talk about anyway, and at worst depressing because they all seem to have babies that sleep better, feed better, whatever, and I leave feeling even shitter than I started. For example, my friend with the new baby wants me to see her this week. I just can't be bothered to go and show interest in her baby and to hear how loved up she is and how good the baby is at feeding and sleeping. I a) just can't seem to get interested in other people's babies so have to pretend and b) it makes me sad because those precious early days with my baby were hell on wheels with a nocturnal baby that struggled to get breastfeeding established and had suspected colic and reflux.

I feel very blessed that my long awaited, beautiful, intelligent DD is here. She is wonderful and makes me laugh every day. I just feel very low and like I'm missing out on something but I can't put my finger on what it is exactly. I'm worried it's just me - all my friends seem to be sailing through having a ball.

Had another thought about St Albans-related things - the NCT Yahoo egroup is open to anyone to join (and you certainly don't have to be a breastfeeding, sling wearing, co-sleeping earth mother, although if you are that's fine too), and it's a good way of getting in touch with people who might share your interests. So if you are into walking (as per my previous post) you can find parents who'd like to do that. But you might be into knitting, art, singing, anything at all, and I'd be very surprised if there's not people on that group who you could connect to. I think they've got about 800 parents on the egroup - pretty amazing for a small market town!

With my first I was in that loved up babies are great phase but with hindsight I see that it was because I made some fantastic likeminded friends who were fantastic company. My eldest was difficult, never let me put him down, didn't sleep through until he was 3 and was majorly hard work but I gave up work to be a SAHM because I loved being with him so much. I was still in that mode when DD arrived but after about 18 months late onset boredom hit me like ton of bricks and I felt like you do and went back to work which alieviated a lot of the problem. By the time DS2 came I hated maternity leave, I EBF him and felt terribly tied to him even though he slept well and was a placid baby. I couldn't bear the thought of baby groups and did not have the time to go and do things with him as I had 2 school age children to deal with so, I cut my maternity short and went back to work after 7 months which was by far the best decision I have ever made. He is 2 now and I can honestly say that I have only started to enjoy him in the last couple of months even though I have always loved him with all my heart.

Feel so so sorry for you with the sleep deprivation. You must be mega knackered! All I remember about my first maternity leave was going for looooong walks which I enjoyed (the staying at home bit was pretty boring and I would also clockwatch until husband came home). Second time round the walks were out because toddler wouldn't tolerate long time in pram and inevitably their nap/feed time would conflict. So instead I went to groups (which I didn't do with first) because that way it sort of felt as if someone else would entertain toddler whilst I could look after baby in peace. Then after a breakdown (i.e. health visitor rushing out to me like a paramedic and husband coming back from work to find me in tears midway on stairs with baby screaming upstairs, toddler rattling stairgate screaming downstairs!), the toddler went to childcare two days a week so I could sleep during baby naps on the days I had baby only and I could spend some time with baby alone.

You'll survive. My respect and empathy for parents has massively increased. I never ever knew how much hard work children would be until I had mine.

I also went to back to work part time when my first was 7 months, went back full time after my second was 5 months.

Hang in there, it gets better.

This is all normal! And baby waking up for bf is normal and natural - big big well done for persevering with bf! Exhaustion changes you as a person - try and nap with your baby. Oh and remember, lots of women - for somw odd reason - lie about how hard it is! I'm always brutally honest about how hard it is and it helps others see they aren't alone. you are not alone!

I have felt the same with my last and 5th baby. I was a tad depressed for sure but felt just as you do.
Im lucky cos at my toddler groups i managed to seek out the naughty ones just as i did at school and have some really good laughs with them chatting about totally un babylike things haha.
I have found it much easier since i went back to work part time and i have accepted that i do need to get out more and that i cannot have a perfectly clean and tidy house before i do that.She didnt sleep well in the first year and i felt desperate.We did have to do some sleep training in the end which i researched on mn.She slept well after.
She is 14 months now and just walking and is developing her own little personality.I feel as if ive fallen in love with her all over again and actually enjoy life again. I hope the same i true for you.

Hey there, so glad I found this thread as I am feeling the same. Just can't motivate myself to get to the groups as it's so much effort and they are not necessarily on my doorstep. I live in Streatham. If anyone wants to meet for coffee who is in the same boat, let me know!

Hi redbutterfly - I have a 6mo and live in Streatham and while talking about babies was OK first time round, second time round it really is mindnumbingly tedious.
PM me if you'd like coffee and non-baby chat.