To wonder if I'm missing something and there is actually more to life with a young baby

[PinkFondantFancy]

This is a bit long and rambly and TBH not even sure what the point is but I'm hoping someone might have some ideas.

My DD is 6 months old, and we're currently in a relatively good place at the moment sleep-wise as she wakes every 3 hours at night for a feed. That's right, 6 months in and she's waking more often than my friend's 4 day old baby.

She's EBF and bottle refusing so the nights are what they are. I'm starting to wean her but its slow going. Anyway, I'm not really looking for any advice about nights. I'm more worried about the days. I feel like they're made up of time units that I trudge through, killing time. I'm not sure even what I'm killing time waiting for exactly. I don't think I'm depressed, I think I'm just totally exhausted but I can't help but think I'm missing something and there must be more to life.

I can't be bothered to go to any mum and baby groups or to see other mum friends. It's at best dull - noone takes about anything except their babies - I can't even remember what I used to talk about anyway, and at worst depressing because they all seem to have babies that sleep better, feed better, whatever, and I leave feeling even shitter than I started. For example, my friend with the new baby wants me to see her this week. I just can't be bothered to go and show interest in her baby and to hear how loved up she is and how good the baby is at feeding and sleeping. I a) just can't seem to get interested in other people's babies so have to pretend and b) it makes me sad because those precious early days with my baby were hell on wheels with a nocturnal baby that struggled to get breastfeeding established and had suspected colic and reflux.

I feel very blessed that my long awaited, beautiful, intelligent DD is here. She is wonderful and makes me laugh every day. I just feel very low and like I'm missing out on something but I can't put my finger on what it is exactly. I'm worried it's just me - all my friends seem to be sailing through having a ball.

davidwicks I completely agree. I don't know what some of you expect from baby groups - the clue is in the word! Of course there will be baby talk but it's isn't hard to ask someone what they did at the weekend, where they like going out, etc. Before you know it, you will have sifted out the mums who you don't have a lot in common with and found the ones who are still normal people and are more than happy to leave the baby talk for half an hour

And if you still find them boring then you have to decide - are you more bored stuck in your own house with your baby or more bored having a nice walk to the group, grabbing a coffee and letting your child mix with other kids of her own age for an hour or two?

it took me another child before i could enjoy babygroups. you are not there mentally yet!

get out of the house and walk with baby, use this time. Any museums you want to go to? art galleries? the more fresh air the better she will sleep even at this young age.

There is so much you can do with one small baby- get out there and do it!

i know its shit, im bored out of mind with my 3 year old.
its just occurred to me shel be in nursery this sept. I need to make more of our time together!

I think that 6 months is a really tough stage. You are over the newborn bit where it is easier to lie and stare into the baby's eyes all day long, but not quite at the more interactive fun bit.

I felt like you a few months ago and it did feel as if each day was a slog that blended into the next one, however a mere 4 months later it's quite different. DD is now far more interactive so there are more shared activities we can do, she is far more interested in the world so we're out and about a lot more and she can spend small periods of time entertaining herself (with me in the room, but compared with previously it's a huge improvement).

Your GP got you free travel and a swimming pass, that in a sentence is everything that has gone wro g with this countries welfare system. Speechless.

heswall - that sounds like a very cost-effective solution to mild depression to me - better for all concerned than medication, surely?

I'm with Heswall
So glad I've swapped my job and pension for free travel and free swimming

My GP is so down to earth he' d just laugh if I suggested free swimming or free travel

I feel sorry for GPs sometimes so many people on here suggest others go and see them for what to me looks just like 'life' it would drive me round the bend.

OP if you're a bit underewhelmed with it can't you just go back to work?

Heswall. Hope you're not from Heswall on the wirral cos your lack of empathy is giving the place a bad name....

OP my dd now 5, was ebf. I found that from age 6 to 10 months she woke up a lot in the night for feeds cos didn't eat load in the day. I found once she started eating more as weaning progressed, she stopped waking at night so much. At 10 months or so she dropped her midnightish feed, by 1 year sleeping til 7ish without a night feed. Well done on ebf, mine wouldn't take a bottle of expressed milk ever. So used a cup during the day, tomee tipee are good. Baby will learn to use it!

Babies are dull as hell. I used to walk with buggy for miles just to escape drudgery of an afternoon alone with baby...honestly, this helps. And this phase will pass and you'll have the fun of potty training and starting school before you know it....KEEP GOING YOU WILL SURVIVE!

Second what everyone else has said - but also weaning will make a difference as she won't be after quite so many feeds any more, and the weather plays a bit part. I quite enjoyed the second to sixth month, but then winter came creeping in and suddenly I felt stuck inside the house - if it wasn't rain or dark, it was bugs. Now DS is one, has developed a cracking sense of humour and we can go out and about as much as we used to. Life feels exciting again :)

You sound bang on normal to me. My eldest is now 2 and my littlest is 8months - I've had 2 lots of maternity leave in 3 years and whole swathes of it were dull as fuck.

Things that I do to relieve the boredom include:

• watching DVD boxsets. True Blood was particularly fun - seemed very decadent as it is soo rude.
• take baby to highly inappropriate films at mother and baby screenings. My cinema seems to specialise in these. The first film my baby "saw" was the horror film Kill List.
• enroll baby in local University cognitive development programme. Once in a while take DC along for experiments. Hilarious.
• enroll baby in modelling agency. Did this with DD and had a bit of extra work. Most fun. I have a picture of her name in a star on a door on a trailer.
• lots of shopping. I head off on the bus to Oxford Street and have a whale of a time.
• baby swimming lessons. LA ones tend to be quite cheap.
• baby yoga classes
• my local recreation centre has a creche for £2 a session. I go to the gym 3 times a week and put baby in the creche. He really enjoys it.

At this age babies are pretty much happy whatever you do - so just do what you want. Enjoy your leave. It doesn't have to be baby-centric at this age - as long as they're fed, warm and clean they'll be fine.

My two are 7 and 10 now.

But I remember telling a colleague years ago that there was nothing good about having a baby except the baby themselves. That is, your love for them knows no bounds, but the reality of life as a mum of a baby is repetitive, tiring and dull.

Oh and the worst part was the mother's meetings. The conversation was sooo self indulgent and tedious and stealthily competitive. And most of these women were and are close friends!

I went back to work at 4 months and 6 months respectively and it was absolutely the right decision for my family and me.

I agree with trying, or persevering with the toddler/baby groups. The one I went to was horrendous at first. I was depressed anyway but..you know...made the effort to walk there. The lovely leader introduced me, all the other mums were sat in a circle. The leader asked them to make room for me in the circle and a couple begrudgingly shuffled to make room.

I was SO nervous. Then, the woman to my right said "Your baby's been sick down himself in a "I can't BELIEVE you haven't noticed..." kind of way. I got up and went to clean him up, returned to the circle and.....they had closed the gap. I stood there like a complete TWAT, gulping back the tears. Stayed the session but cried all the way home.

I had to force myself to go back but the next week I was SO angry about how they'd made me feel, I was determined not to let them get the better of me. It got better and I made sure I went out of my way to make new arrivals feel welcome.

The GP's on the Wirral have enough to deal with without people moaning their social life has gone down the pan due to having a baby, give me strength, when people can't get decent drugs due to the pressure the budgets are under popping along for a chat about being down in the dumps at a cost of £45 per appointment is a bit wasteful wouldn't you say ?

Heswall. Quick question, who's looking after your child while you are on MUMSNET?? Looking back on this thread the majority do not agree with your opinion.

My child is at nursery whilst I mumsnet it's one of the perks of my job. I am not without empathy but sympathy I haven't got a lot of, people need to take responsibility for themselves, clinical depression is one thing being a bit fed up is quite another.

Heswall it's not about your social life going down, it's about your hormones and chemicals in your body turning you into a friggin freak, making you feel low and downright depressed after you have had a baby. Exercise i.e. swimming releases chemicals to help sort out this balance. Do you think it's better for a breast feeding mother to pump herself full of Prozac?

No as i said depression is entirely a different matter.

I do sort of see where Heswall is coming from.

Having said that, OP, I HATED the first few months with my dd - and it wasn't much better! Thankfully they're older now, and much more interesting

I don't want to hijack the thread, but depression is entirely different from not knowing what to do with your little baby. That's an entirely all to normal state of mind, imo.

And what leads to depression... best to get it sorted before you end up on prozac and doctors know this and will help in anyway. That was why I was given a swimming pass, because after I had my daughter I was so low about how much my life had changed and I felt isolated. Swimming helped. I used to play with my daughter in the baby pool and then put her in a Bamboo seat and swim a fast length. Best thing I ever did.

That's as maybe but it's for you to pay for, just as every other mother has to.

Unfortunately not all of us get paid to go on MN all day!!! Isn't it time for your break soon...

Hi Pink Fondant, I think you sound normal and exhausted and actually like how I feel about my life at present. I'm at work full time with the baby at nursery and I often feel like I'm counting down the time units in the working day. There's nothing really wrong with me (bit down, like you, maybe) I've just got myself to a rut and a place where I'm knackered beyond belief and can't see a way out. I know you didn't want advice about the EBF no bottle/sleep thing but I think if you could sort this out and get a better nights' sleep you will feel so much better about everything. Don't underestimate lack of sleep - you only really understand how bad it was once you've caught up.

I had a blast on maternity leave but that's because I was largely scared of being bored and lonely in the house so me and DS went out every single day and planned activities perhaps 3 or 4 days out of 5 of the working week. At weeends I made sure I got some time on my own because sometimes you need to be you. We did everything that was offerred to us - NHS courses, children's centres, baby groups I heard about through friends of friends plus went swimming together at my gym plenty and otherwise went for really long walks. I started listening to the Daily Bacon and Bugle podcasts whilst I was on ML, perfect length for a long walk with the baby and keeps the brain active. I also had a really great circle of baby friends who are now genuine friends and we used to regularly check each others "mental health" because we all admitted that yes, it's hard and yes it's boring sometimes. But oh my goodness it's also amazing when they start to give you something back. DS is 13 mo now and only this morning he was playing hide and seek with me whilst we tried to get dressed for nursery. Just wait, give it another month or two and you won't believe how much fun you can have. In the meantime as others said, try the bottle again for EBM or formula, read and maybe try some walking with podcasts - I was so fit on ML you wouldn't believe it!

If you feel overwhelmed then talk to your GP but maybe you just need to admit it to your friends, or some people at baby groups - you'll be amazed just like on here there are plenty of people finding it just as hard as you are. And yes, let go a bit and stop micromanaging.

Some of us can multitask dear, which is why I can afford to excercise my own child in a swimming pool or shock horror go for a free walk around the locality.

That's not what the NHS is for and most people realise that, hopefully.
This is why the government interfers so much with schools, with healthy eating campaings, banning this that and the other because all common sense seems to have gone out of the window and people keep looking to GP's etc to solve all their problems for them. It's not the wizard of oz behind the wooden door, somethings you just need to get through, it's not easy but you've a lovely baby to help you along the way. Save NHS resources for those who haven't got a healthy baby full stop.