My husband wanting all my salary

[netty36]

I have a part-time teaching job. My husband is very tight and controlling with our finances, and although we have a small mortgage, he doen't give me a penny...which is why I got a part-time job. I use my money to buy weekly food shops, kids clothes, breaks away and any school costs. If I use my own money to buy myself clothes, for example, he literally goes crazy. I am actually thinking of leaving as he threatening to put the mortgage/ electricity bill in my name so I can pay it, but the bank said he can't do this. I am so fed up.

Yes, leave. He sounds like an utter dick.

Ridiculous. What does he spend the money he earns on?

How were you paying for these things before you got a job?

Tell him to fuck off no, get your wages put into your own account, ignore any tantrum behaviour from him.

Not surprised you're fed up, good you've got yourself a job and starting the break away process.

hes a cunt - leave him

What Eric said.

That's financial abuse.

Have you tried to leave him before?

Do you have any DCs?

Does he work?

He sounds mean and horrid.

Who paid for shopping ect before you started working?

Yes, leave the greedy tight bastard!

I'd call Women's Aid. He's using money as a way to control you, this is a type of abuse.

I have 3 kids and had always worked full-time as a teacher before we emmigrated to NZ. We saved enough money from living on my salary to buy a house here. Now I have a part-time job, which doesn't pay much, and although he is paying our small mortgage and a couple of household bills, he resents this...he grumbles everytime a bill comes in, even though he is paying off a very flash car with his salary. He thinks I squander money, but I spend most of it on groceries, kids and school fees etc.

Leave the bastard!

Never mind Women's Aid, just call a solicitor and divorce the tight so-and-so. If he won't pay for his own children's upkeep voluntarily, let the CSA make him.

Oh, you're in NZ... well, I don't know if they have an equivalent to the CSA there, but they still have solicitors.

I want to leave....just scared as I don't want to stay in NZ as I have no family here, but worried about my prospects if I go back to UK.

Do you have family here? It's got to be better then staying in NZ.

The CSA out there are shit hot, I wouldn't hesitate to divorce him what a plonker.

Yes all my family are in UK.....you are right I would be better off out of this..just hate dragging my kids around the world....but we've got to be happy. He is obsessed with money..getting worse as he gets older...he only sees me as an income.

What's he like when you bring up how you feel about his behaviour?

An unhappy marriage is no way to live. It must be really hard for you.

Just to add, do you pay for his food out of your salary? Because if you do then stop that right now. The tight fucker can feed himself.

lol..yes I pay for his food...good point!

but is ir unreasonable to keep some of my salary for myself?????What is expected of most women out there with reagrds to bills/mortgage?

You should be able to keep all of it, have a joint account for the bills/food.

I am in NZ. Sorry you're going through this. The Citizens Advice Bureau is pretty good for general financial and legal advice in this area. May just help you sort through what you need to do to leave. Our CAB is located in our central library - but they are fairly widespread throughout the country. You could also get free relationship counselling through the Courts - which would help you sort through the issues towards separation. You phone Relationship Services to make an appointment and get the form for 6 (I think) free sessions. I used them and ended up attending all the sessions by myself, which was a good free way to get individual counselling and practical assistance. Certainly helps to feel not so alone.
I guess leaving NZ would be difficult if he doesn't want to. You can't assume you could just leave with the kids. But your situation sounds awful and you do need to find out you options.
Take care.