To wonder if mothers love their sons more than their daughters?

[wildswans]

I have 3 x DDs, love them with all my heart. If I'm honest by the time we came to DC3 I would have been happy for a DS, but loved DD3 from the moment she was born. DH never been bothered about sex of DCs and I feel very blessed.

However, last weekend - Mothers' Day, the Sunday Times ran an article about how mothers would always love their sons (the implication being that they might love them more than their DDs) and my MIL often goes on about how mothers are closest to their sons (although actually she sees most of her DD who does far more for her). I also have contemporaries who seem to feel the same as MIL and others who are desperate for a DD, to the extent where a DS is almost seen as a disappointment.

Is this true? I can't imagine that I could love a DS any more than my DDs (although I'm sure that I wouldn't love him any less). But is it different? and do you really feel jealous when he finds a girlfriend or feel threatened or usurped in his affections?

I am not asking whether DS or DD is 'better' as that topic has been well ventilated, but just wondering whether you feel differently and/or react differently to them.

I've got three sons aged 16, 11 and 8 and a DD aged 9 months, I also had twin DD's in April 2010 and we lost them due to prematurity. I admit that when we had DC6 I did want a girl, but I think that was more to do with the fact that we had lost two girls and in reality I would have loved a boy just as much.

I don't feel any closer to my sons than my daughter. In fact, I appreciate DD more. Nothing to do with gender though, just that I am older and as well as the twin DD's I had lots of early losses before her too. I had never lost a baby before I had my boys and I have changed a lot since then. I feel very sad that I didn't appreciate my sons more when they were babies.

Whatever gender, it's wonderful seeing who they are growing into. I'm very proud of all of them but seriously doubt I will be jealous or upset about any of my sons' future wives/partners. I do know mothers who are though and it seems ridiculous to me.

I think that it is rubbish. I love my DCs unconditionally and I don't see how it is possible to have a favourite.

I don't think you can look from the outside and tell. I have 3 sons and a daughter and have struggled with my dd. This is not to do with her being a girl though rather to do with herbeing prem and me struggling to bond with her (more than I realised at the time- ptsd) it's getting better all the time though but is harder work than my relationship with my boys because I have catch up to do too. Fromt he outside it may look like its to do with gender when it's not.

I always thought it was the other way round if you go off talking to people

Not that I love her less of course. I'm extra prous of her too, shes had to try more than most

My mum always made it clear that her sons were her favourites and she still does now. It has made my sister and I stronger and more independent though.

I have one of each and love them both because of who they are and what they have brought to my/our life. Their gender is of no consequence to me at all and I really don't understand favourites at all.

It seems rather an odd conclusion when girls seem to be the popular sex-certainly on MN.

Males are more valued by society regardless of them being children or adults- read the threads where people say they'll send their sons private but not their daughters.

IIRC there was also research showing that parents spend more on birthday and Xmas presents for boys than girls.

It starts young and only gets worse.

I love them equally but now they are grown up it is dd who is my friend as well as my daughter.She has two boys and I am a little sad that she will never have that mum/daughter relationship which is so special.My son has a wife now and I think she must [and should] always come first with him.When I had my cancer op my ds flew over to be with me and my dh and he would always be there if I needed him but there is not the intimay that I share with dd.
When they were young I think I was closer to him.She was more independent and a little rebellious.I dont know-I'm blessed in my relationship with both of them and with their dps.

I have just the one son and daughter, so it's impossible for me to say whether their gender has affected our relationship. I know my relationships with them are different, but I think that's because they are different. ds is my first born, and in many ways is very similar to me so I relate to him quite closely. On the other hand dd loves spending time with me, so she is very nice to have around (mostly!) and we have a lot of fun together (ds has to be prized away from whatever he is doing with a crowbar, but is then also good company).

I think they are both pretty fantastic and I love them dearly.

My mother, although she will deny it very obviously prefers boys/men. I am on of four, with three sisters and there is no doubt that my brother is her favourite/most special. I should say that this is not in my mind a problem, just a strange foible (it might help that I am very fond of my brother). It's more of an issue with the grandchildren I think, but it's more that my mother has issues with girls I think. She gets very unhappy about things that to me are just very normal things that girls are more likely to do. I suspect that me and my sister might well have done them too (flirting and the like).

I've always felt that the children should be sheltered about these things, but dh is totally out about it and has told the children that ds is his grandmother's favourite. I'm not sure about this, but then my cousin was very special to my grandparents (her mother died when she was very small) and it never caused me any problems - we just got her to ask for all the favours!

I only have sons so I cant comment. I certainly prefer the company of one but that is down to personality and similar interests - doesnt mean I don;t love them equally and wouldnt give my last drop of blood for any of them.

They dynamics of relationhips wildly vary depending on gender of both parent and child.

I always thought my mother preferred my brother to me - although how I deduced that when there was a 12 year age gap and he joined the navy when I was 3, and I really never had any sort of relationship with him until I was 14!

I found out many years later, when I was in my mid 20's, he was an absolute sod as a teenager and in his 20's so this 'facade' had been built up about him so that I, as a small child, didnt know the truth.

I do look back now and see what psychological damage my brother did to my mother, which resulted in her developing a rather obsessive housework habit (perfection) which I now recognise as OCD and also she controlled her eating - I now recognise that as anorexia at various points.

It was also clear my brother was a dreadful disappointment to my father which resulted in me doing everything I could to please him, lest I incur disapproval. Stupid thing was, all he ever wanted was for me to be happy - and I stuck at a job I hated for 20 odd years because he was proud of it. He'd have been devastated if I'd ever told him I was so unhappy.

I love them all differently. People might assume I live my youngest son most as I am forever hugging him, but that is just because he is a snugly boy. I imagine I will have a closer relationship with my daughter when they are grown up as we will be friends and shop together etc. I do think a wife/girlfriend changes a dynamic within the mother/son relationship.

I think if you look at stories like the Beckhams who kept going until they have a girl that is what most people I know in rl are like. Also I work with families and you only hear negative things about boys eg from one parent to another your lucky you have girls its so easy, you have got them for life, mother/daughter bond, dress them up etc. I have heard lots of negative comments about boys over the years. Either way I dont think favouritism is right

My mum treated my brother better than me in lots of obvious ways. She always said she treated us both equally, but she clearly favoured him. My gran did the same with my mum and her brother.

Ditto muffinflop :)

I don't really 'get' the assumption that an adult dd will be closer to her mother/parents than an adult ds, or a DIL more threatening than a SIL. Why do people think this? It's not been my experience at all looking at family relationships. I wonder if this is more to do with assumptions that women are more caring and should take care of their parents. I've certainly no intention of looking after mine (would be a bit difficult as I live in another continent).

I think if you look at stories like the Beckhams who kept going until they have a girl that is what most people I know in rl are like

really? I suppose I did get a lot of the 'bet you're hoping for a girl this time?' - but as I'd had a troublesome pregnancy and the thrird was following suit - I was settling for a live baby, hopefully healthy.

I did have an inner violent moment where I could have belted a school-mum who was moaning her third was a girl (she already had two boys) because they told her it was a boy when she was scanned (loudly, she pondered suing the hospital for getting it wrong). My no3 was still in the neonatal unit. I just put it down to her being pig ignorant, rude, up her own arse, attention seeking and above all - a knob

i had ds first and got my head round the fact that my relationship with him would be very different to the one my sister and I have with our monther. I resigned myself to a life of Top Gear and being a dread MIL.

When pregnant with dc2, I convinced myself it would be a boy - great for DS to play with but again, see above.

I had a girl. I was in complete shock for teh first 24 hours as I'd mapped out the next 18 years and beyond! I wouldn't have to worry about body image, boyfriends, career, anything like that. I didn't know where to start, whihc is weird, after having had a sister.

I do think I struggled ot bond at first, but whether that was because she wasn't who I expected or because she was a super cling-on and would only sleep sitting up on me, I don't know.

However, I am now utterly made up that I have one of each and can enjoy different relationships with both, especially as dd grows older. I think ds is very similar to me, and I kind of hope dd isn't, because I see lots of rows to come with ds and I.

Ps. Don't know if loving boys more is generational; both my parents have a few male siblings and only a couple (or no) female. THe boys were always favoured.

Sounds like the kind of dysfunctional shit that screws the world up

We have 2 of each and I love them all. They each have thier endearing traits and I don't love any over the other.

My mum has never made a secret out of the fact she loves my 4 brothers more than me. Apparently I was an awful baby and child, far worse than my brothers. They all join in each Christmas (despite me being 33 now) and remind me yet again of apparently how awful I was compared to them

I only have boys.

I love my two sons with all my heart.

I think a mothers love for a boy is always tinged with a certain sadness. Another woman will take her place (in most cases), and boys seem to be quite happy to to lose touch with their mothers, in a way that daughters aren't.

All sorts of good is said about the relationship between mothers and daughter. You are a good daughter if you help your parents and stay close to them.

A boy? He is a mothers boy, tied to mothers apron string, and it is not such a good thing.

Women? They rarely get on with the mothers of their husbands/partners, at least judging by the mother in law threads on here.

Men? They are quite ok with letting their wives family take center stage.

I think most mothers of boys know this deep inside their hearts. They know that their little boys may be full of love now, but their love is a fleeting one.

The same ability to let go of the love that binds a son to a mother, is replicated with an ability to leave their own families behind, seemingly with little thought or consideration.

Teaandcakeplease that's so familiar!

My mum always adds "It's not that you were a bad child Pruple, There was simply something wrong with you" and they all nod in agreement.