to think that if you're having a child-free wedding you should tell people ASAP?

[b00kw0rm]

As title really- we've got good friends getting married in less than 3 months time, still haven't received an invite, but have now heard that "children cannot be accommodated" at the wedding.

We have 2 young DCs, all close family members going to the wedding too, so arranging childcare is not going to be easy. We've also had lots of chats with the happy couple over the past year about the wedding and they never mentioned anything about children....

So, AIBU to think that perhaps it would have been considerate to have mentioned it sooner?

toomuch exactly, I feel that weddings and all the sitting faffing are adult-orientated events and not the right environment for kids. I don't blame the kids for actuing up in such circimstances, but it is an event not really designed for them and I am buggered if I am making it kiddie friendly (whatever that means).

aS lottie said my friend's children are not MY friends, so I feel no need to invite them. If this means that people can't get babysitters, then so be it.

I went to only one wedding as a child, and I was never so bored in my life. I would never willingly put a child through that.

I'm also terribly impressed at how well-behaved everyone here's children are, always, at weddings, where they are a constant delight. Snigger.

Anyway, I don't think there's been a mention of the OP's declining of the invitation resulting in a hissyfit, has there? Frankly most people I know, on receiving a regretful 'sorry I can't make it under the circumstances' breathe a sigh of relief (sometimes tinged with sadness), wedge someone else on the already-groaning list, and don't think about it again.

I'm also terribly impressed at how well-behaved everyone here's children are, always, at weddings, where they are a constant delight. Snigger

Yes I find that to.

Like when several parents allowed their infants to cry at ear splitting volume during the service and as a result no one heard the vows being exchanged or later when off their tits on fizzy pop the older ones started throwing the contents of the buffet about. It was all very lovely.

In true Wonder Years style 'its was at that moment' I realised that I'd have a child free wedding.

I would always assume that weddings would be child free unless the children were close family members of the bride/groom
I dont understand why anyone would want to take a child to a wedding tbh. Theyre very much adult affairs as far as Im concerned and kids are most often bored and start acting up. For most a wedding is a good excuse to leave the kids at home and let your hair down.
Also, I would never expect a friend to pay for a child of mine to sit and have a wedding meal. Places are limited and should be taken up by friends and family. If you had to cater for all friends dcs it would cost a bloody fortune

ComposHat I love "Wonder Years style" I can see it now

I would always assume that weddings would be child free unless the children were close family members of the bride/groom I dont understand why anyone would want to take a child to a wedding tbh. Theyre very much adult affairs

This does depend entirely on your background. For many Hindus, Muslims, some mediterranean and numerous other cultures living in the UK, weddings are centred on family. Every man (or woman), his children and his granny are usually invited, whether you have met them before or not. Definitely the more the merrier. Venues will be picked for the number of people they can accommodate, rather than the guest list being fitted to the venue.

I'm not saying either way is right but it is dangerous to make assumptions about the norm because there isn't really a norm.

Well
Around here children go to weddings the vast majority of the time
Non-child weddings are very unusual
I had about 15 at mine and I didn't have any yet
Location / mix of people / culture dictates much of this
I find this thread and the strong "swing" towards child-free weddings being the norm a bit unusual, on MN and in RL

I see a wedding as a family event
Different generations getting together to share a celebration
Don' really understand how weddings are "adult" we didn't have sex on the floor at ours
The children were all great
Some people chose not to bring their children - now I have my own I understand that! - and that was up to them. Either way was fine by me.

I rather see a wedding as a 'friends' occasion. I only see my parents and brother, I'm not in touch with anyone outside of that, I'd invite aunts/uncles and so on out of courtesy, but not their children.

I'd be livid if a friend I loved and spent lots of time with 'had' to be disinvited to my wedding because I was instead supposed to invite the child of someone I was only having there as a formality anyway, and in whom I have no interest (and likely have never met).

Scroobius, I think you're totally right about assumptions being the problem here, and that goes EITHER WAY. [shoutybitch]

I've never been to a wedding which was interrupted by ear splitting cries. The most disruption I've ever seen was from the nephew's of the groom, at one. I had already warned my kids, because the two little boys are Autistic. It was fine, everyone could hear the vows, the bride was the centre of attention, it was lovely.

At my wedding not only did I not have any children there (and that exclusion extended to nieces and nephews) but I also didn't have random plus ones.

We celebrated with friends and some family. People that we really wanted to be there, people that we wanted to share our happiness with.

People were more then welcome to turn the invitation down if they couldn't come and with no hard feelings.

We invited 100 people and everyone came

I went to a wedding about a month before mine. The bride, my close friend X, wanted a child free wedding, the groom did not. She had 2 pageboys. The eldest was really good and took his duties very seriously. The youngest one was bored before the wedding even started. Instead of walking behind the bride as she walked into the church, he barged past her and ran straight to his mum who was sitting in front of us. He then fidgeted noisily all through the service whilst everyone in our pew tried to find things to distract him. Another group of children were (helpfully) put in a pew together with no adult supervision. The pew was one of those with a little door on it which was banged throughout the service. Another 2 noisy children were eventually dragged out of the church by an irate parent slamming the church door behind him

Throughout this it was not possible to hear the bride and groom exchange their vows.

Another close friend, Y, was sitting next to me. She had 2 children who had been invited to the wedding, but she had left them at home with grandparents (although they did come to the evening do with their grandparents). She turned to me and said "I bet you are glad you are having a child free wedding"

At the reception there was a family on our table with 2 young well behaved children. However, they had finished their meal by the time we had been served with our starters, and wanted to leave the table. So whilst the rest of us could relax eating, drinking and chatting, the parents had to take it in turns to go off and entertain their children.

I am sure at the end of the evening there were some parents who had wished they had gone for the babysitting option