Is the head a bit U? Or am I?

[EyeOfNewtToeOfFrog]

DD (7, y3) is bright but can be a very difficult child at times. However, her school are really not helping matters - I think they have lost all sense of proportion with disciplining her.

Last week DD bought a Practical Joke book from the school book fair. The following day she smuggled the rude-noise-making putty into school (against my express instruction) and played a prank on one of the break supervisors (who happens to be her close friend's mum): "Oooh, is that you farting, Mrs X?"

DD was promptly hauled into the head master's office for a chat about 'inappropriate' behaviour It was described as a 'serious event' to us parents. We obviously backed to school up 100% to DD's face, but privately I'm wondering if that wasn't a SLIGHT overreaction from school. She's 7 and bought the offending item at school FFS!

this is the thing - it was lunchtime
that's when you play and have fun!

what is the world coming to?

I don't think disciplining your daughter for effectively being rude and disrespectful to an adult - and a member of staff who should get the same respect as a teacher - undermines 'real issues'.

I think it teaches children that they should respect the people who are looking after them and not to think that they can try to embarrass someone just because it's break time, or because they happen to be their friend's mum.

nickel if she'd done it to her friend at lunchtime, then the school's reaction woiuld be OTT. But she did it to a member of staff. That's not on.

You said she is a difficult child.

maybe they are fed up with her going too far with jokes or whatever and are clamping down on her behaviour.
If it was a child that doesn't normaly do that sort of thing they may have been more tolerent.

I agree with Flisspaps.

Being rude and disrespectful to a member of staff is a 'real issue'.

Yes, she is very much a child who needs cast iron rules help to understand how to conform a bit more But is the heavy artillery-approach really the best for a kid like this? "you get ONE TOE outta line..... and you've had it, kiddo!"

How fascinating that the answers are so evenly split!

I think your DD's behaviour was a little inappropriate and she needed to be pulled up. However, I would probably say it only needed a chat with her teacher rather than the Head (certainly at Secondary School).

What would they do if she let of a stink bomb? Board of Governors?! (and I am a teacher).

If she were mine, I would back the school up wholely on their punishment of her behaviour that day.

I would also, in addition to telling her off, confiscate the item as a specific punishment for going against my express instructions NOT to take it to school.

"this is the thing - it was lunchtime
that's when you play and have fun!"

fun with your peers is one thing... playing jokes on an adult is disrespectful, and embarassing too.

Some people may think it cute behaviour, I know I wouldnt. It shows a massive lack of comprehension about appropriate behaviour and boundaries to me.

Stink bomb? Holy moly! Now that would be a practical joke book worth getting Hopefully DD won't find out about stink bombs for quite a while yet.

Madame - that's exactly what we did!

I also think the fact she did it to a family friend shows that she was testing boundaries and she thought she's get away with it.

Why do you think the school were heavy handed? All they did was make her go and speak to the head. Pretty standard practice really, especially when a child has displayed such rudeness and disrespect.

I'm quite an easy going parent, but I would be shocked and not at all happy if my child had been that rude to a teacher. And if a child in my class did that to one of us, we would send them to the head too.

That sort of behaviour is for home, not school. My children buy cupcakes at school, I wouldn't think it was ok if they saved one for the next day and started munching away in a lesson.

YABVU. And I expect that your dd knows you don't take things like this too seriously, despite what you say, and so will continue to do things that are rude.

YABU. And whilst I don't want to inflame the thread, OP, your posts (all of them) have made me start wondering just how much your DD has picked up on your amusement (and obvious pride) at her non-conformist approach...and how much of her behaviour is being driven by that.

For example - if I had told my DS not to take any item into school, and he had disobeyed me I would have confiscated said item immediately. And sod 'backing the school up in front of him', I would have absolutely bollocked him again after the meeting with the head.

Ah, but DS knows this, so wouldn't disobey a direct instruction in the first place. Or, if he did, he wouldn't be surprised at the consequences.

Out of curiosity, have there been any 'consequences' for your DD beyond the meeting with the school? Or have you given her the clear impression (by lack of any further action) that actually you couldn't care less?

I should say that, even though I do think it was a bit of an overreaction, I would still back the school up - and I think you have done exactly the right thing, EyeOFNewt.

Had you stormed up to school and had a go at the Head, then some of the posters who are blaming you for your dd's behavioural issues, would have had a point - but since you have backed up the school, and applied a punishment at home for disobeying you - I don't see what more you could have done.

Believing secretly that something is an overreaction won't make your child's behaviour worse, as long as your child can't tell what you are really thinking - and it sounds as if you make sure that's at least difficult if not impossible.

Fillybuster - the offending 'fart putty' has been confiscated, as a separate punishment by the OP, for the dd taking it into school against her express instructions.

I would be punishing also as a consequence of disobeying me by taking in the putty after I had told her not to.

She did - she confiscated it.

Oh I'm hard core, confiscating the putty would be a given, it would be a week with no xbox

If you take all the unnecessary stuff out of the OP....like where the stuff was bought and ignore the word hauled as it wouldn't have happened.

All you're left with is....The child was sent to the Head to chat about 'inappropriate' behaviour.

What's the actual problem again?

clearly she has no respect for authority. And clearly you are facilitating it.

She was told not to take the item into school and she did.

She was rude to a member of staff, was taken to task about it, and what do you do? you think it was an ott reaction.

Perhaps the reason she doesn't have boundaries is because you don't reinforce them. If you didn't believe the punishment fit the crime I'd imagine that she realises this, even if you did go through the motions of backing up the school at the time.

SDTG - I've been back through the thread twice and I still can't see where EyeofNewt said she had confiscated DDs putty?

but the member of staff was someone she knew personally - out of school, etc.

That's why i think it's an unfair punishment.
it's not rude to an adult if she knows her in a "friend" way.
yes, tell the child to treat the adult like any other member of staff, but don't make this much fuss about it.

But she did reinforce the boundaries, wannaBe. She backed the school up, despite thinking it might be an overreaction, and punished her dd for taking the fart putty into school. As long as the child doesn't realise that the OP thinks the school might be overreacting, I can't see that she's being as dreadful a parent as is being made out to be.

it would have been a week with no screen time in my house.