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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be perturbed that a woman felt compelled to come into a coffee shop today with the sole purpose of telling my 9 year old son ...

161 replies

QuintessentialyHollow · 19/03/2012 21:57

"You will become fat" with an evil grin.

Confused

After his terrible migraine attack last weekend, we had an optical appointment today, so I took him out from school quarter past two. He was really worried about the appointment, and the optician was very thorough. It took half an hour. We went to a coffee shop for a snack, as we then had a 30 minute walk up to his tutor, where he was going to do one more hour of learning. It is important that he eats on regular intervals. He is skinny as a rake, and usually eats little and often.

So, we shared a ham and cheese panini, he had a rasberry water, and a chocolate muffin. We were sitting on bar stools, looking out the window, eating. By then it was 3 pm, and he had not eaten since lunch time at 12, dinner would be at 6pm.

So, a woman was looking at him from the bus stop outside. She suddenly opened up the door, came in and said something to him. He did not respond, and she left. I asked my son, "what did she say to you?"

"You will become fat"

How on earth can a total stranger make such a comment to a child? Angry

OP posts:
Stratters · 20/03/2012 12:44

Would you like some stomach to balance out the arse? Free to a good home.

Pagwatch · 20/03/2012 12:46

Yes Yes. I have two bags of caramel disks. Help yourself.

We need some boobage.

Stratters · 20/03/2012 12:49

I'm not prepared to share that.

Sorry Blush

Pagwatch · 20/03/2012 12:53
Grin

Ahh well......

CreepyWeeBrackets · 20/03/2012 12:53

Grin @ Stratters' steam-train comment. I was wondering how to if I should allude to that.

5Foot5 · 20/03/2012 12:55

"If you two were sitting on stools looking out the window and she came in just to say that...she's either mentally ill or your son pulled a face at her and she was putting him in his place.

There really is no other explanation no matter how 'normal' she looked."

Actually I can think of a scenario that no-one has mentioned. OP - are you sure this woman was a total stranger? Could it be that she is someone who does know him slightly but he didn't recognise her out of context, e.g. a teacher or supply teacher he has had several times, someone who helps at cubs, a friend's Mum. Perhaps she saw him through the window and thought "Oh that's little Quintson" and popped in to say hello but then thought instead it would be funny and friendly to make some jokey remark connected to what he was doing, i.e. eating a muffin. In the same way one might josh a friend if you saw them in the drinks aisle at the supermarket "Oh I might guess I would find you here!" sort of thing.

Perhaps a bit awkward and not as funny as it seemed in her head but not necessarily malicious or a MH issue.

And if she really doesn't know your son it could be that she thought he was someone else and popped in to make the remark for reasons given above.

Stratters · 20/03/2012 12:56

Oh I just say the stuff that everyone else is thinking. Blush

crashdoll · 20/03/2012 12:57

This thread is absurd, quite absurd. It is a full moon?

Stratters · 20/03/2012 13:00

No moon at all. Confused

CreepyWeeBrackets · 20/03/2012 13:04

Yeah, but you say it in a funnier way. I am snorting at the idea of the OP of the other thread coming face-to-face with Quint's lady. Can you imagine the AIBU? Grin

CreepyWeeBrackets · 20/03/2012 13:05

And no, no moon at all. I know this because I checked the MN moon icon. Can't see one.

Stratters · 20/03/2012 13:05

Thank you. Grin

I would pay a lot of good money to watch that altercation.

kerala · 20/03/2012 13:06

She must be abit mad. DH had this once at a bus stop at night about 11ish an old lady came up to him right in his face and hissed "you should be ashamed" with real venom. Poor DH was quite shaken up he had never seen her before and was just minding his own business waiting for the bus.

Stratters · 20/03/2012 13:14

The moon thing makes sort of sense though...

If a full moon affects behaviour, stands to reason that no moon must have an affect too. Like high and low tides, non?

Original poster
QuintessentialyHollow · 20/03/2012 13:16

"How very dare you use public transport!"

OP posts:
crashdoll · 20/03/2012 13:20
SanctiMoanyArse · 20/03/2012 13:23

Would make sense for me Stratters, ds2 has a black eye today from his ASD brother and normally I watch full moons like a hawk (from bad experience...)

Quint my ds1 is a skinny too, has had treatment for ED so not my imagination at all- at 12 and after treatment we have now got him to just over 4st, a big success. I;d have taken him for that snack too, maybe not choc but you can't learn all about migraine triggers in a week. Cake though, and he'd probably have had the whole panini (watch teh cheese too, cheese and choc = migraine triggers ahoy)

But there are people about with MH conditions, sadly rarely receiving anything like enough help, and you seem to have encountered one on a bad day for her. Hope your son is OK (it would be enough to set ds1 back into not eating) and hope she OK too with whatever demon she is battling.

agreetodisagree · 20/03/2012 13:26

This happened to my daughter the other day...i came back from the babychange to find her in tears.
A random biddy bloke had said exactly the same thing.
She had pushed her plate away and refused to eat anymore.
It was a piece of strawberry flan FFS not death by chocolate and even had it been the latter so bloody what?
He was fortunate that he had already left the cafe or I would have wiped the floor with him, the cock.

QuintessentialShadows · 20/03/2012 14:09

It is tricky with kids and eating. My son had iron deficient aenemia as a toddler, and ate next to nothing. Then he had one bout of tonsillitis after the other, and had such issues swallowing that he rather not eat. Then he complained of tummyaches and would not eat, and eventually had his appendix out just before his 4th birthday. The consultant said it has been a long slow painful buildup. Eventually his tonsils became so bad, he had them out aged 5 1/2. I have spent years with tummy aches, problems swallowing and lack of appetite due to aenemia. He reacted badly to ferrum, and I had to do it the "natural way", through his food.

There is not a thing I dont know about vitamins and minerals and food groups. A chocolate muffin is not a bad treat in my book. The dark chocolate contains iron. Crisps on the other hand, is the work of the devil, in our family. I am happy when my son reaches for a piece of 70% dark choc, which he loves.

What I dont know, is foods that can possibly trigger migraines, so I have a thing or two to learn! He has been eating a lot of cheese lately, more than usual, so maybe that is one to watch. He has been eating dark chocolate as a treat his entire life, so it would be a shame if he now has to stay away.

goingmadinthecountry · 20/03/2012 14:21

My dd has migraines - one of the main triggers in children/teenagers is low blood sugar so I find that if dd eats regularly it really helps. She's 16 and in her GCSE year at a competitive school and the occasional YumYum can actually stave off an attack if she's just started to feel sick.

Dd being older would probably have made a very sarcastic remark to said woman, but I hate it when people make remarks about other people's eating habits. She's about 5'6'' and size 8 jeans are usually small enough for her btw, so the odd treat hasn't done her much harm so far.

QuintessentialShadows · 20/03/2012 14:43

He told me he had a headache when I picked him up from school, the first since last sunday, so I was a bit concerned that the optical appointment might set it off, what with shining light into his eyes and all.

I am glad. I now feel totally justified in feeding my son a snack. Grin

babybythesea · 20/03/2012 14:49

There are foods which, if you are sensitive to foods, are most likely to set off a migraine - chocolate, cheese and red wine (I'm assuming it won't be the latter with your ds!). However, not everyone is sensitive to foods (I'm not) so although people often advise you to avoid those foods, if he's not sensitive it won't make a blind bit of difference.
Maybe keep a food diary, to see if there is any apparent link between what he eats and when migraine kicks in.
But low blood sugar is very common so could easily be that. And I also find thirst doesn't help (I'm crap at remembering to drink so might go several hours without fluid at which point my head starts to hurt).

The other thing worth knowing is that one side effect of migraines can be to basically shut down your digestive system. So, for example, taking pills when it's well advanced might not help because they sit in your stomach until the thing passes and then you absorb them when you are feeling better anyway. So the trick is to take action as soon as possible - food or medication or whatever.
(I looked into this a lot - because migraines, and the worry that I might get one - brought my life in my teens to a halt. So I joined the British migraine association which is where most of this info comes from).

If he has one, I find something cold really helps. I have a sports gel pack that I keep in the fridge and using it helps to control the pain until the migraine passes. Hope you figure out what starts them and that he doesn't suffer from too many more. I could add that what has finally helped really control them was having a baby (aside from being hospitalised with one during pregnancy because I was so ill with it) but I don't think that's a viable solution for your son!!

babybythesea · 20/03/2012 14:51

Oh, and I meant to say, it might be worth helping him to learn about the pattern they follow for him, so if there are any early warning signs he can learn to recognise them and so possibly avert an attack. So I get a very dry mouth and feel very thirsty, and get cravings for sweet food. It's the way i tell the difference between what will be a bad headache, and what will be a disabling migraine. If he has one, maybe try to run through with him exactly how he felt just before, to see if there is a pattern.

SanctiMoanyArse · 20/03/2012 16:03

Quint- dark choc and cheese both trigger my migraines, as does dehydration, low blood sugar, red wine, tiredness and stress. I am thankfully OK on coffee.

Food diary?

And yes- when the blood sugar is low, I dive into a snack regardless of calories.

babybythesea · 20/03/2012 19:07

Food diary was what my GP suggested when I finally admitted that it wasn't normal to have migraines as often as I did.
It's just a list of what you ate, and mark off days when you have headaches.
Then you see if there is an obvious pattern eg the day after eating a certain food you always have a headache.