To be perturbed that a woman felt compelled to come into a coffee shop today with the sole purpose of telling my 9 year old son ...

[QuintessentialyHollow]

"You will become fat" with an evil grin.

After his terrible migraine attack last weekend, we had an optical appointment today, so I took him out from school quarter past two. He was really worried about the appointment, and the optician was very thorough. It took half an hour. We went to a coffee shop for a snack, as we then had a 30 minute walk up to his tutor, where he was going to do one more hour of learning. It is important that he eats on regular intervals. He is skinny as a rake, and usually eats little and often.

So, we shared a ham and cheese panini, he had a rasberry water, and a chocolate muffin. We were sitting on bar stools, looking out the window, eating. By then it was 3 pm, and he had not eaten since lunch time at 12, dinner would be at 6pm.

So, a woman was looking at him from the bus stop outside. She suddenly opened up the door, came in and said something to him. He did not respond, and she left. I asked my son, "what did she say to you?"

"You will become fat"

How on earth can a total stranger make such a comment to a child?

My DS's stomach would think his throat had been cut if he had to do a tutorial until 5pm without having had a snack before hand...and his concentration would be shit.

I'm thinking either son isn't skinny as you claim he is OR she had muffin envy and weight issues herself?

Erm ok, you can give the ! A rest, I was only asking why you have to bother - couldnt he just take them in his school bag and save you the effort?

Ok, that explains it then, i wasnt being rude i was genuinely confused. My ds is only 5 but would 'die for real' if he didnt eat immediately after school!

Goodness me! Let the woman feed her child mid afternoon and have a little whinge about an interfering woman!

It wouldn't make any difference if Quint's son was Two Ton Trevor who ate the supplies of the entire school tuckshop - the woman was still extremely rude and weird.

quite right Cathy

Being charitable here, is it possible she was just a slightly bonkers old woman who spotted a cute little boy and wanted a bit of interaction with him and thought she was being funny? She wouldn't be the first person to blurt something out and later think why on earth did I say that, and the fact that he looked a bit baffled might have made her realise she'd said a daft thing and that's why she scurried off?

I would not go into a cafe to tell a child they will be fat.
She sounds mentally unwell and hostile.
My brother and I, my kids and my daycare kids, always were starving after school, I thought all kids were!

sniggering @ muffing triggers

Rude? moi? I wasn't even trying .....

I have a very warped sense of humoutr and the scenario the Op described was pure comedy sketch; a surreal Little Britain moment. I can just see the Fat Fighters lady sticking her head in the door and doing that.

Just read this and I immediately thought the same as Aniseeda. We have lots of oldies around here and they love to talk to dd about all manner of subjects.. I don't feel the need to pigeon hole them for her whether they may be mentally ill or not they are people and she will work out for herself that different people say different things without labelling them.

I would probably have found that situation quite amusing and forgotten about it five minutes later. Sounds like you are a bit stressed right now, book a massage!

Trois, fair enough, I see where you are coming from now

Sorry OP, I couldn't take it seriously. Me & DC would fall around laughing afterwards. This anecdote would become a legend in our family.

What the jeffing-Nora is going on with MN these days?

Serious question, must we assume that every person we come into contact with who displays rude, aggressive or strange behaviour MUST have MH issues or SN? Given that many of us on this board have been guilty of these at some point (certainly the 'strange') if this thread is anything to go by, does that mean we all have some kind of undiagnosed MH problem?

I'm perfectly aware that there are people out there with all kinds of hidden difficulties, including SN, but why can't we take ANYTHING at face value any more?

• man shouted at your child? How dare you be offended, he clearly has sensory issues!
• woman pinched the cheeks if your week old infant and made them cry? - She has SN and doesn't understand boundaries.
• child punches your DC in the face? - they obviously have SN and have difficulty in social situations with other children.

I do TRY to give all kinds of people the benefit of the doubt in all kinds of situations but is it too much of a stretch to imagine there are just people out there who are NT and are just rude, aggressive or strange at times?

Before I get flamed to death, I am NOT having a go at people with MH issues or SN, more at those people who are happy to diagnose people they have never met, over the Internet, with the barest shred of detail.

Well..if we DON'T take MH issues into account then people end up getting judged fairly harshly for things they cannot help, you see.

And people here have relatives with MH issues or SN or have them themselves so don't really like the idea of that.

Snowboarder...
do you have anger ishooos?

So what you're saying is yes, we MUST assume that EVERYONE has SN or MH issues unless we know otherwise?

No Labootin, I was asking a serious question to be honest. I slept about 20 minutes last night as have a v.poorly 1 yr old and am 6 months pg so maybe did not put it across in the best way possible, so if that's the case, I apologise.

Well we should certainly consider it.

Feel free not to and to go around judging people willy nilly though

What the JEFF is wrong with MN wight all this understanding and compassion these days?

Wight? With

I think in your situation you put your question across very well.
You have just proved a teeny point though.. You have no way of knowing whats going on in a persons head !

( hope your dc is better soon and you get some sleep)

Maybe a better way of putting it would be ok I know SN and MH issues exist but could it be possible that the lady was just being rude/ trying (and failing) to be funny/ had had a bad day?

It seems a stretch to me that just because someone acts in a way that we don't like, or find strange for whatever reason that they MUST have SN or MH issues?

That's why I asked whether it was safer to assume that of everyone rather than try and self diagnose individuals.

Again, maybe not the most eloquently put but no offence meant to anyone.

Ok, then , sorry if I was prickly.

IMO, with personal experience, it is safer to assume issues as then you don't run risk of being massively unfair.

Ah yes Fanjo because I am completely devoid of compassion and understanding. In fact I am known for my hard heart and sharp tongue. People hold their children back when they see me coming

Actually, as I have pointed ou, I was just asking a question. I should have known that as it was related to SN/ MH issues I would immediately be vilified but obviously my judgement is off this morning.