AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

[eppa]

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

Surely you can work this out rationally, as "It depends":

• the amount of tasks in the home is the same irrespective of working or not, so if you work as well by definition its more work harder
• if you use some/all of that money to subcontract childcare etc as a WOHM, you can get back to parity/make working easier
• there is less work once all kids have gone to school/pre-school every day than if they are at home all day.
• If you WOHM and have an Au Pair, that is marvellous as you effectively have a SAHM
• I believe some people do not work and still have Au pairs, I wonder what they do all day.

You see, I'm not sure about the idea that WOTH mums come home and do the same amount of housework. Maybe just me but When I was working, I'd come home and do what needed to be done such as the washing, ironing, hoovering etc whereas now I'm at home, I do all sorts of crap housework such as dust curtains and wipe down skirting boards and bollocks like that.

You see, I'm not sure about the idea that WOTH mums come home and do the same amount of housework. Maybe just me but When I was working, I'd come home and do what needed to be done such as the washing, ironing, hoovering etc whereas now I'm at home, I do all sorts of crap housework such as dust curtains and wipe down skirting boards and bollocks like that.

But surely that's when housework becomes a hobby, rather than actual work? Work is the stuff that needs to be done, no? Anything else is optional.

So wohm clearly all have manky skirting boards and dusty curtains?

We might not do the same amount of housework, but I'm guessing you don't answer as many emails/attend as many meetings/write as many reports/visit as many clients/perform as many operations etc. etc.

yawn...!

Sorry loving but that's your problem for making work for yourself

OP I'll say it again. Ignore what other folk say. And don't use your "hurt" to bash others. Just get on with your own choice and don't feel you have to measure yourself against others or, worse, try and diss other women to make yourself feel better

And I hate the "wait till you..." line but wait till yours kids are older before you judge everyone by what's happening at this exact minute in your own life eh?

No. That's not what lovingthecoast said. She just explained what she did. She made no assumptions about what anyone else did.
Helpfully she used the phrase 'maybe it's just me'

Kayano - some SAHMs have them too
(better go and clean mine!)

I do the same I'm a childminder so work at home and do the childcare but also have 6/7 other kids too!

YABU

Actually I think for me the biggest relief of being a sahm was there was no pressure to 'perform'. I didn't have to answer to anyone, be accountable for my time, be dressed in a certain way at a certain time, there was no worry of under performing or losing your job, no concern that you would be seen as 'slacking' if you didn't put in overtime when it was required because you were needed at home, no heart sinking feeling when your dc threw up and you realised that they couldn't go to school or nursery for 48hrs and you were supposed to be doing a big work presentation the next day, no matter if you don't get dressed until midday or decide not to go to baby group because you've been up all night.

For all those reasons I still personally find it harder working f/t than I ever did staying at home.

I actually started a thread in chat a
While ago because I had cleaned my
Skirting boards
For the first time in 5 years... And it was for te HV coming over for the first time and I didn't want to be judged lol

I only clean my skirting boards when MIL is coming to stay (luckily she doesn't stay very often!) and I don't want to be judged

"an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading"

Nearly did of laughing reading that. Imagine being an adult and having to make 3 meals a day, what ever has the world come to. As for baby groups being classed as work

Working mums have to do their actual job plus all the housework/laundry/shopping/docs/admin etc around their job and are still parenting as well.

If you truly think you have it harder by visiting baby groups than going to work I suggest you actually try a full time job and see if you feel the same. Feel free to tell teachers, doctors, surgeons etc that going to playgroup is harder than their job.

I'm on loads of points. Make all meals, check, school run, check, appointments (many), check, due to SN child, check, after school and weekend activities, check, that I volunteer assistance with as well as volunteering in other areas, check, WOHM in stressful area, check, and I work reduced school hours so I don't even qualify for a lunch break [world's smallest violin] although I do get a blissfully uninterrupted cup of tea sometimes.

Still I probably do less than some SAHMs cos I don't do any enough housework. No cleaner. House is a tip.

I didn't do it when I was a SAHM either

badpoet housework is apparently the only way to measure how hard you work :)

I clean all my skirting boards twice a week

But I have never done a maintanence wash

Oooh I do both PT do I get extra, points?

When I only had DD1 I went back to work full time when she was 6 months old. Looking back it was really easy - I dropped her off at her gran's on the way to work, picked her up at 5ish, fed her, put her to bed and that was job done. At weekends DP and I shared the childcare/housework

After DD2 I went back to work part-time and I find the days at home with DD2 (2) and DD1 (8) much much harder than my work days. Could be because I'm cramming all the householdy things (minus the cleaning!) into my 2 days at home. But I personally find running round after a 2 year old, doing the school run etc etc much harder than my work. I love being PT - being able to particpate much more in both DDs lives, but I couldn't be at home every day.

Not all SAHMs have it easy but neither do all WOHMs. Similarly not all SAHMs find it hard, neither do all WOHMs

Why catgirl? Why? For the love of all things holy, why?

How can they get dirty in 3-4 days?!?! unless you live in the m25

TeaOneSugar indeed. I'm also wondering where I've gone wrong with the whole 'the house stays cleaner when kids are at school' idea. My kids seem to be superb at making large amounts of mess in short amounts of time. Wonder where they get that from?

I'm back to work on Monday after my ml, while I've been off I've generally managed to keep the house civilised during daytime hours, as well as going to lovely baby groups or other social things most days. I'm fulltime from Monday, so dp and I will have to sacrafice evening or weekend time to do housework. I won't be doing everything I've done while off, because I won't get the nice bits (baby groups, seeing friends, little sit down in the afternoon) and I'll only do the essential housework. So YANBU on that account.

YABU not to say that both parents have to work harder if there isn't a sah parent, it isn't just the woman's role that increases.

"an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails."

This sounds like a breeze! If this is your life, you can afford this lifestyle and you enjoy it, it would be so much nicer for you if you could just enjoy it instead of feeling you have to justify yourself.