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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

876 replies

eppa · 14/03/2012 14:40

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

OP posts:
bugster · 15/03/2012 20:34

Agree OP, SAHMs have been squarely bashed and I believe the point of your original post was that's not fair and you have a right to feel hurt by it.

callmemrs · 15/03/2012 20:34

You can have whatever views you like op. But when you spout ignorant shit as if it's fact then expect people to disagree.

And you are coming across as if you really want the children of working parents to somehow be less happy or secure or than those of SAHM. Which is spiteful. Says a lot about you.

Pumpster · 15/03/2012 20:36

What do you believe? Please clarify.
My dp is a sahd and I work f/t, is that OK?...

Original poster
eppa · 15/03/2012 20:37

Where have I said that I actively want the children of working parents to be less happy or secure? I have said that a number of studies show that children in daycare can have issues that is all.

You sound a bit insecure yourself

OP posts:
callmemrs · 15/03/2012 20:39

Oh grow up op and stop back pedalling. Leave us working mums and our children alone. You really aren't doing yourself any favours with your sniping

Dozer · 15/03/2012 20:40

Well then OP, bash back, espouse your views anonymously, but don't complain about people in RL doing it to your face.

petitema · 15/03/2012 20:41

YANBU. It makes my teeth itch whne I read, 'I work and do everthing you do as SAHM too'. Er, why do you pay a nursery then? Hmm You work, someone else cares for, cooks, changes nappies, cleans up during the day etc.

Meglet · 15/03/2012 20:41

I might be a WOHM but my kids can trash the house in the short time we're there for breakfast and tea-time. Still needs tidying up at the end of the day. And they need supper when they get in.

Anyone remember the episode of the Simpsons where Homer is left in charge and the clean kitchen changes to messy in the time it takes the door to swish open? Bit like that.

callmemrs · 15/03/2012 20:41

Pumpster- don't even go there! The op thinks she's perfect, other SAHM are probably okaaay and the rest of us are damned!

Dozer · 15/03/2012 20:43

"I don't agree with your view that children do not suffer when they are placed in childcare at a young age. I think they do suffer and studies back that up. I think that it is a bit naive to deny the fact that for young children being with their parents is usually the best option. If people choose to work fine - but I don't think you can claim the children are not affected in any way."

Don't try to back-pedal!

rhondajean · 15/03/2012 20:44

As the grown up child of a sahm, I can assure you from personal experience, (as you as conveniently ignoring the other half of the body of work around Childcare which doesn't support your argument) we have our issues too.

Both my children are much more well rounded individuals than I was at the same ages, secure, confident, intelligent and happy.

Now this will not apply to all children of WOHM - but equally it certainly does not apply to all children of WOHM. Who for the LAST BLEEDING TIME do not all use Childcare.

rhondajean · 15/03/2012 20:45

Sorry the second WOHM should read sahm!

ByTheWay1 · 15/03/2012 20:47

lol - I'm a grown up child of a WOHM and chose (luckily had the finances to be able to choose) to be a SAHM... and guess what - both my kids are more well rounded than I was at their age too.... maybe we all rebel against our upbringing....

Pumpster · 15/03/2012 20:48

Childcare is preferable to some parenting I would imagine!
How can studies ever know, without having the exact same children experiencing childcare and care at home with parents.

catgirl1976 · 15/03/2012 20:50

EssentialFattyAcid I not dependent on a man. Me and DH are a partnership and his money is our money!

ummmmmmmm Hmm

ok OP.

Original poster
eppa · 15/03/2012 20:51

I'm not back pedaling.

I said that I think children do suffer in childcare but surely that is different to saying that I want them to suffer.

And where have I said I am perfect???? I've said several times that life can be hard with 2 pre-schoolers and that sometimes I struggle. I would love to find being a SAHM the cushy number that others belive it is.

But I have been told on here that as a SAHM I am:
a bad example to my children
not contributing to society
not paying taxes
a boring conversationalist
loosing my brain cells
lazy

So I do feel I have the right to stick up for myself.

OP posts:
PorridgeBrain · 15/03/2012 20:51

op I get the point you are making in your original post and largely agree as long as at least one chid is not in childcare/preschool/school.

The only thing I would say is that as a SAHM you do have the means to fit in errands, food shopping and washing in the day with children around which WOHMs have to fit in after work so in that sense I would say WOHMs are likey to work more hours overall than SAHMs

rhondajean · 15/03/2012 20:52

Lol by the way maybe we do...there's an interesting study in there I reckon!

I'd also like to survey how the split between those who have only been sahm/WOHM and those who have been both affects views of what is hardest.

Pumpster · 15/03/2012 20:52

I don't agree with any of those things, but why is saying that children suffer in childcare helpful? How do they suffer?

rhondajean · 15/03/2012 20:55

I didn't spot anyone saying those things about the op.

catgirl1976 · 15/03/2012 20:55

So I do feel I have the right to stick up for myself.

Of course you do. But why not see if you can think of a way of doing it without attacking people who have different circumstances to you?

soverylucky · 15/03/2012 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

callmemrs · 15/03/2012 20:58

You think children in childcare suffer. And you're letting us know what you think.... Why? Care and concern? Or just spiteful sniping? You've been rumbled OP!

TheFallenMadonna · 15/03/2012 20:58

I think if you're going to use "studies" to give your argument credence, then you're going to need to phrase things more appropriately than "children suffer in childcare", because that is a pretty meaningless and unsupported assertion.

Anyway.

I think the comments re workload tend to follow the lists of extra household chores that some people do, such as phoning plumbers and "sourcing" presents. And they made me giggle even when I was a SAHM. Because they are a bit try hard when set in opposition to "earns the money", which is of course a massive understatement of most working days. Beyond that, I don't think there's much dissent is there?

Dozer · 15/03/2012 21:02

"I said that I think children do suffer in childcare but surely that is different to saying that I want them to suffer."

Oh that's fine then Hmm