AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

[eppa]

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

Not women people could.be applied equally to a SAHD

"being at home is harder than going out to work and paying someone to do the childcare
its not cushy, its bloody hard work, thats why most women can't wait to get back into hig heels and the office"

Its not cushy being a SAHM, but its crap to make out that working is some great relief and relaxation from a SAH lifestyle. Some jobs maybe, but some are a massive stress and strain.

And Bonsoir - not all jobs are the same day in day out. Some are very challenging and varied.

The trick is to do well enough to achieve an iteresting career so your work life is varied, fun and stimulating

Bonsoir - my DCs are younger than your DD and are home from school by 3.30. On a part-time work day, we do homework at about 4pm, tea at 5.30pm, bath and bed by 7ish.

I get on top of housework whilst DCs play, and prepare tea at 5ish. Everything tidied away by 6.30, house in order.

This does NOT happen when I am working a full day.

WOHMs usually make breakfast and dinner and a packed lunch.
We still go to doctors appointments just like you
Going to the park/reading to the kids is an enjoyable leisure activity, it's not WORK fgs!
I have had time at home during mat leave and have also worked full time and part time. Being a SAHM is a piece of piss frankly compared to doing my job and running the house in my free time. Not everyone enjoys it I know and life with kids is generally harder than life before kids for all of us. Some SAHMs are not lucky enough to be able to work for a variety of reasons and I feel sorry for those SAHMs, and some WOHMs are fortunate and LOVE their jobs - but yes,SAHMs do imo have it easier than WOHMs. Not easy neccesarily, but easier. Remember babies usually have a lot of naps and older children usually go to nursery.

I work in the evenings, nights and weekends in a stressful job. This is because DP's income halved last year. I am fortunate to have subsidised childcare for DD3, two days a week. I also have a second job ( self employed)

There aren't any sports cars, shoes, handbags or luxuries. There are no holidays, new clothes nor much meat or fresh fruit. We do have some nice Rioja from Lidl once a week though.

We have never drawn benefits above CB and some tax credits.

There are millions of families like us.

Silly me . There I was thinking that we both work all the hours on earth, quite literally as one of us works every day of the year, in order to feed and clothe the 5 kids and keep a roof over their heads of sufficient size to stop them being at each others throats all the time . I was obviously wrong . We are working for the need for two 15 year old washing machines , two 12 year old rust buckets , and a mobile phone that hasn't been upgraded in years . My sum total of domestic outsourcing is the binmen . But hey, thanks for clarifying my reasoning .

I'm just snippy because I'm on my way back to work in a minute. Again.

The point is, isn't it, that both options have their advantages and disadvantages and both are equally valid and we should celebrate our choices and make the most of what we don't have a choice about rather than slagging each other off to score points to soothe our own insecurities and guilt

As for "working for handbags" Worsd fail me eppa they really do. If that's not WOHM bashing I don't know what is. I work for many reasons, mainly to keep a roof over mine and my DDs' heads. I am a LP.

How do you square that circle?

Bonsoir how much homework do your children have? What age are they? Homework after 9pm? Really? Unless they're about 15 they're going to be too tired to give it their best surely?

And I can't speak for everyone, but my job is in no way repetitive, requires a lot of travel and meeting vast amounts of people, and is very intellectually challenging. The sahms which I met when I tried it didn't have a great deal of conversation beyond their child's latest achievement and soaps, which may be more to do with my socioeconomic surroundings at the time, but was mind numbing.

I will of course read the whole thread, and I'm sure it's fully justified but had to smile a bit at the OP "not a WOHM bashing thread at all" and the recent "material things before children's welfare" comment.

I think I am probably a dullsville WOHM. I find my job almost all consuming sometimes. But it doesn't bother me overly much as I don't have time to make small talk with ladies who lunch . I adored being a SAHM. Loved it. But i'm not someone who can make a project out of home and family, so it wasn't going to do it for me once my DC were at school. If I were a project type, I can see that it would be fab still.

Yes I am a bit pissed off because I get to look after my DC a week ( bar second job) and the do two mad busy 9 hour shifts over the weekend.

If your job involved doing the same thing day in day out, you must have had a pretty shit job. Not all women have mundane little jobs though. Some of them run companies, are lawyers, have creative roles or other things where variety is not in short supply.

I found being a SAHM cushy, okay. That is my opinion about my life. Admittedly, I didn't think it was always cushy when I was doing it, but the benefit of hindsight is a wonderful thing. :)

But I enjoy my handbags/cars/big house career too much to go back to 'cushy'.

rhondajean - DSS1 is 16, DSS2 is 14 and DD is 7. They have lots of homework! The DSSs' school day doesn't end until 6h30 pm most days. They also have extra homework generated from tutoring. DD has quite a lot of homework and often does it after 9pm.

These threads are always so depressing.
People sniping at others like twats.

....some people give up amazing jobs to look after their children and some even have enough money not to work and still have everything.

Whatever you say and whoever you snipe at there's always someone with a bigger house, better career (either present or past), better balance in their lives.

I had a far from "shit job". But the institutional context is mind-numbing, IMO.

DP, who also has a far from shit job, often runs away to have lunch with his family - he gets bored sick of the people who work with him!

I'd hate to work with shit boring people or in a mind numbing institution. I can see that pretty much anything would be preferable to that

IME people who spend their lives outside institutions (and enjoy themselves that way) are so much more stimulating company than those who spend their lives in institutions. That's the crux of the matter.

Personal choice obviously but while I can get the 14 and 16 year olds doing homework later, I have a 7 year old dd and I'd never leave her homework till then because I would know she would be worn out. In fact, 9pm is past her bedtime.

I thought from your comments your children were younger though. Although you do sound a bit pushy, but there are lots of pushy parents so that doesn't matter!

You say you're job was mind numbing and you did the same thing day in day out, the people you worked with were boring and you don't seem to regret leaving it one ioata.

To be fair it doesn't sound like a great job

It sounds like you are far happier raising your children which is great.

Marraige is an institution!

Days are very long here - DD's school day ends at 4.30 but she always has activities after class because otherwise there would be no art/music/sport/acting etc. From 11 onwards, the school day is 8am to 5.30 pm minimum and most children continue doing some sort of extra curricular activities and they get loads of homework.

Indeed, rhondajean, marriage is an institution which is why I am happy not being married! We can interpret our relationship the way we wish and that suits us, not according to anyone else's code.

"Shit boring people" what a lovely way to talk about your fellow humans! Perhaps you are the boring one, if you can't find good in anybody.

Oh dear bonsoir doesn't sound like she finds her partner very I interesting then, seeing as he works with boring as shit people working as part of a dull institution