AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

[eppa]

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

I appreciate SAHM's what ever the title, I think they are an essential part of society, just as much as any other parent.

I think all parents should have the option to be SAHP/WAHP/WOHP or what ever works for their family - its part of celebrating the diversity of output society.

I just don't think OP should have been belittled for her choice/lifestyle/parenting style by her detractors any more the the OP should make sweeping statements that as a SAHP she does MORE than any WOHP.

As for the definition of the title, well it really makes no difference what I define as a job/work/employment as it won't change the choices of any PP.

I find WOH much easier than SAH, personally. But as I have a bit of imagination I understand that different people have different circumstances and enjoy different things. It is impossible to say for any person that one or the other is easier, which is why these threads are a bit odd IMO.

Quint don't be a quint. When the child/ren are at school I will have (typically) 5 clear hours to work in the day on work rather than trying to work when the toddler is in bed! Miles miles miles easier!!! I know for a fact since it is f'g hard working the way I work at the mo.
When you no longer have pre-schoolers (assuming your children aren't home schooled or very sick) you have A LOT more spare time (compared to working mothers!) to fill whatever way you wish.

I wish my baby napped and went to bed early

Actually librarian I do think that SAHMs should be appreciated by more than their own family.
Most studies show that children with SAHMs have better outcomes than children in daycare. They are less likely to be aggressive at school and have a closer attachment to parents which in itself is a positive thing.
Surely then this is better for society as a whole.
I don't think I need to shut up about what I think as surely the point of discussion boards is for people to say how they feel. I've got a valid opinion and am interested to get others opinions -whether they agree with me or not - they are both good to have.
Please explain how being a SAHM is cusy??

sardine - I'm a woman and I go out to work. So do millions of others. Is it really a good idea to define the role of the SAHP as 'woman's work'?

Catgirl maybe I sd write a book on that? Still, it's not like it's easy looking after a kid all day and then working when they're asleep.

I don't think it started off being about whether it is easier or not. I know from experience that both roles are demanding and hard work

OP said Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS. and I've not seen anything from her since that hasn't ignored the WOHM's case

Bonsoir
I agree!

Most studies show that ot depends on the quality of the childcare and the quality of the parenting eppa

Book on what zumm?

Sahm is only a job if the sahm undertakes CPd, is fully qualified as a Childcare practitioner, and follows a curriculum. That is what childcare professionals do. The wage isn't important.

Otherwise yes it's a lifestyle choice.

And can we please stop confusing Childcare and parenting. I do not spend as many hours with my children as a sahm but I do absolutely as much parenting.

what a load of crap.

Your average day is my weekend/holiday so I know what its like and how it compares to my average day.

I understand that being at home is hard work but it doesn't compare to the juggling/stress that goes into being a wohm in my opinion."thinking of activities" for your child just doesn't compare to trying to complete a report/meeting in time to pick up the child from the nursery, then try entertain/feed/bathe /bed said child whilst responding to emails/calls then clean and tidy house/feed self do preparation for work next day and go to bed in time to get up early to get child up fed/dressed (and self) and to nursery and to work - performing to standards required to keep job.
weekends- get up when child does- have leisurely breakfast - go to park/baby group /visit friends/do activity or trip /read paper whilst child plays/drink coffee while child plays/play with child - cacth up on all housework haven't had chance to do during week/all admin that need to do (plus work)

Oh and having been a sahm, I am not in the least jealous, I could feel the brain cells dying day by day!

Exactly Tom - I think people who are full time SAHMs have forgotten what it is actually like to work hard (and I am a SAHM who also WOH).
Cat - abook on getting your kids to go to bed early ;) - sorry, off topic.

No SAHMs don't need to be appreciated by the wider society. Good childcare may be of benefit - simply being a SAHM isn't. The two do not necessarily go hand in hand.

Work hard in a job I mean. Obv we all spent a lot of physical and mental energy on our children.

spend.

And just to clear up - just because I think being a SAHM is cushy doesn't make me jealous. I choose to do what I do and am happy with it. I could be a SAHM. I don't want to be.

Ah - I see :)

I would buy your book zumm - I will pay cold hard cash to anything or anyone who can get me some sleep

catgirl1976 yes to be fair you couldn't really compare good quality childcare with bad/neglectful parenting.
But all things being equal studies seem to show that good quality parenting is better than good quality childcare at least until the age of 3.

rhondajean you see that is the kind of statement about being a SAHM that upsets me (and I probably should not be so sensitive). To me it implies that being a SAHM is for dull drudges who don't use their brain cells unlike all the WOHMs who are ever so clever, bright using their brains etc. Us SAHMs do have brains too and we use them just in a different way!

I'm sure there are a lot of WOHM in dull jobs too because they need the money. I honestly don't find being at home with small children stimulating at all though.

Eppa I think you'll find it was me that said that, not Catgirl.

Some studies do seem to prove what you are saying. Other studies seem to prove the opposite. Be careful not to confuse parenting and childcare though.

"Sahm is only a job if the sahm undertakes CPd, is fully qualified as a Childcare practitioner, and follows a curriculum. That is what childcare professionals do. The wage isn't important."

You are making the same error as other institutionalised posters, rhondajean. A job is not defined by the qualifications of the person doing it, the instructions they follow nor the institution they perform it in. The only measure of a job done = performance.

librarian, SAHP does need to be values by the wider society, as posterrs have said there are benefits for the children, and why would it not be valued? Seems to me only because it's not paid work. Pretty warped values.