AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

[eppa]

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

bellstar - no-one is devaluing it on this thread. It doesn't have to hard graft to be worthwhile.

I don't want to alarm you tantrum but apparently some people clean their skirting boards twice a week

I'm still in recovery from finding that out last night!!

tantrumsandballoons
Our children are different ages as mine are both pre-school and yours are now at school.
What did they do all day when you were working and they were pre-school age?

I'd hate to be called a part time mummy because the word mummy makes my teeth itch

Maybe I am a part-time mother. I don't really care too much. I've got a couple of well behaved, well adjusted children who don't seem to be too bothered that I wasn't there every minute of the day during their early years.

I don't see where the role of the SAHM has been devalued though.

No one is devaluing anything, except the people who like to infer that WOH means you don't cook for your children, don't entertain them, take them to doctors appointments......

They were at nursery OP, from 9am to 2:30pm, then they were with my mum until 3:30 and then they were home with me.
I don't see what difference that makes, I was still doing the same thing when they were pre school age, I would say it is harder now they are this age tbh

^If SAHM is not doing a "job" then want do working mums call childminders,nursery workers?-are they not doing a job when they are looking after your dcs then?

Sahm do exactly the same job-they just dont outsource it and they dont get paid.

Think about what you say when you devalue the role of sahm-you wouldnt like it if people started referring to you as part time mummies would you?^

WOHM's weren't devaluing what SAHM does especially as we do do the same, but rather were defining what it is called.

IF a person was employed to mind kids, that is a job, if they look after their own kids its not a job - yes it's hard yakka but its not a job and more than your father can babysit his own children

That was me curry

But I work full time too

Curryspice- skirting boards???

Ok then, I don't do that
don't want to even think about state of mine

tantrumsandballoons - but you weren't doing the same as me as between 9-3.30 they were getting looked after, fed, toileted, entertained, cleaned up after by the nursery and your mother not by yourself.

tantrums - I am a WOHM and it was me that did the skirting boards twice a week

I have a cat who sprays

And when we got home at 3:30 I was doing everything you are doing right now plus I had been to work from 9-3, therefore- everything you do plus my own job.
Your post relates to not how many hours WOHM or SAHM spend doing things, but the actual activities we have to do.

Your point was, you were offended by people saying that WOHM did not do the same jobs as SAHM plus work as well, I'm pointing out that is not true.

Catgirl, I think you're brilliant

I never clean my skirting boards

SAHM is a calling????

What on earth?

"IF a person was employed to mind kids, that is a job, if they look after their own kids its not a job - yes it's hard yakka but its not a job and more than your father can babysit his own children"

Really so, where do you draw lines with this definition of jobs? If an SAHM is not working because they aren't paid to do it, then by that definition people doing voluntary work aren't working either. If it's because they're biologically related to the children they care for, then people who work for family businesses aren't doing a job either. You need to use a bit of logic here. If one person doing something is doing work then someone else doing the exact same thing is also doing work, otherwise it makes no sense.

well its not a job Sardine Queen! I couldn't be a SAHM just like I couldn't be a Vicar :)

A calling though?

Do you understand what a calling is?

"A strong urge toward a particular way of life or career; a vocation"

is that wrong?

Tantrumsandballoons

But you were not doing everything I am doing because during the hours of 9-3 I was parenting and you were working. Then after 3 we were both parenting.

Thats not to say working/parenting are any more valid than each other but you can't claim to do "everything" a SAHM does AND work. Yes some of the jobs you will do will be the same but you would simply not get the time to do everything that a SAHM does during the day.

and why with the italics?

I wouldn't if I didnt have this incontinent cat 'tantrums :(

little fecker

Looking after your own children is NOT a 'job', unless life is a job.
If we could stop trying to divide everything into work and play our lives might be a whole lot happier.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU DO STOP DOING IT, CHANGE IT, OR CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. SIMPLE. I can't abide whinging. (Apart from when I'm doing it, like now, obv.)

So, I have decided to be here for the kid/s while they are pre-school age because I think it's really important for them. This is clearly the OPs stance too - I salute her for this. But in my case, and in the case of many WOHMs, I have also (that's an ALSO) decided to work during the evenings and during lunch breaks (ahem, not right now) because my paid job is important to me, my sanity, my future, too.

And as various posters - whether WOHM or working mothers - have said, going out to work is hardly some sort of walk in the park. Whereas looking after your own children, well, I'm shortly off for a walk in the park. Attitude, OP. And no, it's not always easy, esp with a cheeky toddler, which is why my boot straps are, well, pulled right up to my knickers half the time.

There are an awful lot of women who would love to work but can't afford to or can't find a job. Or for whatever reason it is not practical for them to WOH.

They haven't been called to SAHM, they have to do it. So all of those people who are struggling on and hating it and can do little to change it... Including those who have PND or are struggling with all sorts of difficulties.... They have been called to that role?

I have never heard anything so silly in my whole life.