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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that WOHM's don't "do the same as SAHMs AND work too!"

876 replies

eppa · 14/03/2012 14:40

Firstly this is not a WOHM bashing thread at all.

Its just that I'm a SAHM and have been offended and hurt by a couple of real life comments basically saying that I shouldn't complain as I'm only a SAHM and that WOHM have to do everything I do AND they manage to work as well.

I disagree with this because for me an average day includes: making and clearing up after three meals, going out to baby groups, park, docs appts, trying to think up and doing activities such as cooking and painting and reading AND trying to keep on top of the mess that having 2 children in the house all day entails.

However a WOHM would get DC up and dressed, drop them at nursery where they would get their 3 meals, do activities etc, pick them up and return to a house that was clean (or the same state as it was left in!).

Obviously both WOHMs and SAHMs work and they both work hard and WOHMs do parent when they are at home. Its just that I don't think its fair to claim that WOHMs somehow do more than SAHMS.

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 15/03/2012 12:50

From a logical perspective clearly you ANBU. It is clearly impossible for a person to do a whole day at home and a whole day at work as there are a fixed number of hours in the day.

If I had been at work today I would not have been able to wash the porch and downstairs windows, do the gardening and paint a door. Because I would have been working. Obvious innit

WorkingClassMum · 15/03/2012 13:03

Ooooooh an average day....

Meh, why would I even bother to start to compare all what you do and to all what I do?

YABU and quite rude about it too

Original poster

eppa · 15/03/2012 13:08

For everyone saying I sound a bit fed up and frazzled - yes I am and thanks for saying it will get better as that is nice to know. However this doesn't mean that I don't enjoy being a SAHM, I enjoy some bits and find others hard but work is like that too.

I do object though to those who say that SAHM is not a job. A job doesn't have to be something that you are paid money for. It is a role that you do and a purpose in life so I do very much see parenting as a job. I find it sad that being a SAHM is so devalued by some.

I do actually feel a bit hypocritical as I have said how hard I work and keep coming on mumsnet but as I started the thread I like to try and answer the questions posters have!!

OP posts:

redlac · 15/03/2012 13:13

I disagree SAHM is NOT a job. A job is something that you get paid to do.

redlac · 15/03/2012 13:14

try that again

I disagree with you - SAHM is not a job.

I don't see it as being devalued by anyone on this thread

zumm · 15/03/2012 13:20

Haha - sorry, just read your first post - not much time to mn over here since am a WOHM - but I only work WHEN the baby naps since I have NO childcare help (does that make me both a SAHWOHM?
So I do a hell of a lot more than a woman with one infant who doesn't do paid work. Sorry YABVU.
Sure, I had 3 small pre-school kids at home with me all day then I couldn't do this sort of work - but I plan to space kids so this doesn't happen.
But why the fight? Stop listening to what other people say about you - they must have hit a nerve. Why might that be?

zumm · 15/03/2012 13:21

if I had 3 kids, I meant. Rushrush - very hard working SAHWOHM, who probably works a lot harder than you-ou-ou

AllQuietOnThePippisFront · 15/03/2012 13:24

SAHM is not a job???? what is it then?????

redlac · 15/03/2012 13:26

its a calling not a job

Jins · 15/03/2012 13:26

a vocation?

Definition of job = A paid position of regular employment.

It's hard work whatever it is :)

WorkingClassMum · 15/03/2012 13:28

^
SAHM is not a job???? what is it then?????^

A lifestyle choice I suppose.

It is hard work for the most, but it's not a job per se

AllQuietOnThePippisFront · 15/03/2012 13:30

YuleingFanjo · 15/03/2012 13:31

SAHM is as much a job as the work WOHM's do with their kids. If you want to cal lit a job then you surely have to accept that a WOHM is doing 2 jobs and so IS working a lot harder.

nickelhasababy · 15/03/2012 13:33

i'm a wohm.
however, i bring dd to work with me, so I do both sahm job and wohm job.

i do more.
except i don't do much housework at the moment because a) i'm never there and b) she's only 3 months old, and takes up most of my time.

catgirl1976 · 15/03/2012 13:33

It's hard work but it certainly isn't employment.

musicismylife · 15/03/2012 13:39

Sorry OP, I disagree. Yes, WOHM may be having a break from their child/children, but the break is replaced with having to work. And I also disagree about having less housework to do, if you're at work. I work full time and have a day off a week to do things like housework, cleaning, etc things that I cannot do when I'm at work.

I have four children: ranging from 2 to 16.

tantrumsandballoons · 15/03/2012 13:39

I cannot read the whole thread right now but I just really wanted to make my point.

I work 37 hours a week, I have 3 children who are 14,13 and 8
I've worked full time apart from maternity leave since my first was 14 weeks old.

I do EVERYTHING (and always have done everything) that a SAHM does
I have been to every single doc appointment, school play, football match, parents evening, PTA meeting that has ever happened.
My children have breakfast, dinner and snacks at home, prepared by me
I don't not have a cleaner, ironer(?) or gardener
I would really love you OP to explain what you do that I do not do, or have not done, therefore I DO everything a SAHM does and my own job

Bellstar · 15/03/2012 13:40

If SAHM is not doing a "job" then want do working mums call childminders,nursery workers?-are they not doing a job when they are looking after your dcs then?

Sahm do exactly the same job-they just dont outsource it and they dont get paid.

Think about what you say when you devalue the role of sahm-you wouldnt like it if people started referring to you as part time mummies would you?

barbigirl · 15/03/2012 13:41

If being a SAHP was easy street, it would be dominated by men.

Personally I ditched being one after 5 months because it was FAR TOO MUCH LIKE HARD WORK and you didn't get paid and people were snooty about it.

Bellstar · 15/03/2012 13:41

Do you want a medal then Tantrum?

musicismylife · 15/03/2012 13:42

But for all the tea in china, I would not want it any other way. I think mentally, it is more exhausting being at home with child/children and probably more tiring but the common factor is that we are doing what is best for our families. So let people judge away. They have not walked a mile in your shoes, OP.

OrmIrian · 15/03/2012 13:42

I still don't see why it matters how much 'work' is involved and how hard it is. You have decided that being at home with your children is the right thing to do. So that is all that matters. You beleive that you are doing the best thing for your children. That would still be the case even if you paid someone to clean/cook/iron/garden and just did child-centred things.

The hair shirt is optional

Whatevertheweather · 15/03/2012 13:43

Has this thread changed your opinion at all eppa? Genuinely curious.

tantrumsandballoons · 15/03/2012 13:44

Yes I would like a bright shiny medal

And I would like the OP to justify what she said, which is what I asked- what does she do that I do not?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/03/2012 13:44

I suggest all the martyrs who are having an I-work-harder-than-you competition come over to the thread about not giving a shiny shite. We're all neglecting our children and being nice to each other over there

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