About mil and fil's wedding anniversary? V long, for non drip-feeding purposes.

[bibbityisaporker]

My inlaws are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary at about this time next year and dh and his brother have already started planning their celebrations. This is actually mainly down to bil ... he likes to plan way ahead.

Anyway, there has been talk of us all going away for a week together, to which dh and I have said a plain "no thank you". This is because we do not get on particularly well with bil and sil and their children, can usually tolerate about 2 days in their company, but after that it all gets A BIT MUCH iykwim. Also, dh is self employed and never but never takes more than 4 days off in a row (and that is only at Christmas) except for our 2 week family holiday in the summer.

Right, so we are not going to go away for a whole week, so now the proposal is a long weekend but mil has got her heart set on this extra special cottage which is going to cost £3,000 for 4 nights - partly because it will be in the Easter holidays next year and I guess we have to pay for the full week

Mil and fil are very very low income, infact they are both living on state pension and a few top-up benefits. So bil proposed to dh that they share the cost of the accommodation (£1500 each).

Now am I bu to think that £1500 is a lot to spend on your parents golden wedding anniversary present??

To put it in context, dh is a highish earner, but not 6 figures, and our budget for our family holiday is about £3,000. We spend about £50 - £100 on each other for our birthdays, about the same on the children. I have a very significant birthday coming up this year and dh is going to buy me a laptop, I have never had one. So we are comfortably off but not rolling in it.

I am miffed that mil and pil would think this is fair and reasonable too, tbh.

Over to you lot.

Yes, poor us, fancy having such a small holiday budget that we have to spend it in a caravan in France !! I don't suppose you can imagine what it is like to be so ordinary .

Nothing stealthy about it as far as I can see Mary.

Bib I've only read your posts on this thread and got the gist that along the line its been mooted that you are being unreasonable by a minority. As you well know, YANB remotely U. I can totally relate to this scenario (similar relationships, similar DH occupation, similar finances/priorities) and can imagine being faced with similar happening in my own life, so I really empathise with your standpoint.

Good luck with the Easter meet (urgh, shuddering with horror on your behalf) keep your resolve, and please let us know how it goes!

£3,000 is a sizeable holiday budget, especially for a holiday every year. How on earth can they charge so much for a caravan? That is over £200 a night! What do they provide? Butler lit campfires and special entertainment?

As someone said upthread, that she bought a caravan for 9k. That is equivalent to three caravan holidays, if 3k is the going rate. Someone must be making a hefty profit!

Flatbread, are you exceptionally dim?

The £3000 budget includes ferry costs.

Have a look at Eurocamps website if you don't bloody believe me!

But regardless of how we perceive the charges, the point is, the OP sees the value for her (immediate) family in the French camping holiday. Value she does not recognise in the proposed Easter weekend for the PiLs.

I am not boasting at all. Honestly. I just wanted to say that in a lot of families, people do make sacrifices to treat their parents, although a seaside holiday in UK doesn't sound like much of a sacrifice

If dh doesn't want to do it, fair enough. But I have seen a lot of threads where people have ostensibly no money to spend on parents or siblings or grandparents, but have plenty to buy expensive toys, meals and holidays for themselves.

Parents will not be around for ever, and in my mind it is worth going the extra mile so there are no regrets later. But I accept that everyone has different relationships, just wanted to provide a counter to the dominant view that mil and bil were being grasping and unreasonable.

The reason we no longer go to France with Keycamp (who are slightly cheaper than Eurocamp btw bibbity and cover the same sites!) is because the prices have shot up in the last few years. £3000 in August sounds about right to me, out of season 5 years ago cost £1500 for us.

Flat, your PA boasting is frankly pathetic.

Indeed, Flatbread your showing off just comes across as really try hard. The fact you have to show your family how much you care for them with flashy extravagance is a bit sad.

Hope the Easter meeting goes well for you op, and you aren't guilt tripped into anything.

So, treating parents and taking them on a holiday where they want to go is showing off, but spending money to pay for an overpriced caravan holiday because you want it, is sensible

Family holidays are hard work for pretty much everyone I know e.g., dad needing to pee every 15 minutes, sibilings and dps at loggerheads about where to eat, what to do. BUT, at the end of the day, we all are family and it is imo rewarding for cousins to know each other well through holidays together. My parents did it for us when we were younger and I am happy to have some holidays that are much more designed for them, now.

I have no regrets about not going on holiday with extended family. In fact, it's probably saved our extended family's relationships by avoiding such traumas.

Everybody is different. And I loathe the lame argument,"They're not going to be around forever." None of us are. And? That first mean one must do what everyone else wants.

Anyway you're missing the point. This is about someone being made to feel like they are obliged to spend a heck of a lot of £ when it isn't necessary.

That doesn't mean one must do what everyone else wants is what I meant to type.

Chipolata fingers on an iPhone!

I'm really glad my mil isn't like your op .

She's wanting a golden anniversary celebration in 2 years time.

Planning a party
And is funding it herself ...we offered to help pay ..and they were horrified .

I think her exact words were " I wouldn't shame myself by having my son and his wife pay for my party ....that's just taking money from my grandchildren ".

Nice tip, thank you twoistwice.

As it happens we are not going on an overpriced caravan holiday this year Flatbread, so fear not.

We are going to an agriturismo near Sienna for a week and having a week in a friend's apartment a little further north in rural Italy. But I don't know, what with flights and car hire it will probably still cost us as much per week as 4 nights in a shared cottage in this country with the inlaws! Tsk tsk.

Flatbread-perhaps you can offer your place in France to OPs ILs?

Ah, that is a brilliant idea diddl!

Blimey they sound like my Hs family!!!! But a lot worse! I would refuse to pay that kind of money-cant believe its expected of u ! My mil and fil are like this planning their birthdays a year in advance and asking us to chip in hundreds for a present and my H always goes along with and it makes me mad and they are always having my H round doing diy and painting so to not life a finger themselves. If they want the cottage then they must pay for it

So, if it is HITC, then in Suffolk you can also get this Three separate cottages on the same site for £1305 for a week.

IF you actually wanted to go away with them

YouChangeWithTheWeather - that's a fantastic plan, having your own cottage to retire too would make it so much more civilised.

Am I the only person who thinks that the HITC is the ugliest building ever?! I wouldnt stay in their if it was cheap but they are taking the piss hugely with those prices. I cant believe that anyone would be stupid enough to pay that, just goes to show that some people would burn tenners if you told them it was cool :o

*there, not their