to not want strangers to keep touching DS without permission?

[Fruitflieslikeabanana]

OK this may turn into a rant

Why is it some people feel the need to touch / stroke / pinch the cheeks of my 10 month old DS? I've just taken him to the GP (D and V for several days but thankfully resolving today) and as I know he is probably contagious I sat as far away as possible from others and kept him sat on my knee. He's doing a lot of babbling at the moment so sat there making bits of noise and blowing a few raspberries which lead not one but two people to come over and put their hands on his face and coo at him.

I'm not particularly confrontational so I don't like just telling people to just go away or snatch DS away. AIBU to expect people not to do this to a child they do not know? It used to happen a lot when he was a small baby but I thought it would stop now he's bigger.

I love it when I'm out and about and people are drawn to my babies and talk to them and chuck their cheeks - in fact I was sad when DS grew out of that stage, then I had DD and am enjoying it all again. Agree with pagwatch's early post - it's the community instinct to show affection and care to a baby.

However when DP is out with the kids, he gets NO interaction. I get loads and loads. He's a lovely, kind bloke and nice dad, he's not a scary monster, but he is shy and he must be giving off a "stay away please!" vibe. So maybe OP could cultivate that.

But there's a big difference between someone who lightly strokes a cheek or gently ruffles the hair, puts their hand out and lets your baby grab their finger and someone who shoves their face right into a pram, actually 'pinches' a cheek, talks loudly at your baby and startles them, WAKES your baby up so they can interact, and even tries to take your baby out of the pram or your arms.

The first is nice, respectful, feels like you're part of a friendly community, the second is overbearing, selfish, with no regard to the well being of the baby.

Maybe I'm the only one who has had a number from the second group when my DSs were little. I certainly liked the first ones, although if the DSs were ill I did warn them first.

Not really sure which type the OP is referring to, but I still think they're barmy touching a child at the GPs.

This is nowt to do with the op and a slightly morbid tone but fwiw I remember my mum talking about how she felt after she lost her first child. She said her arms hurt. She had a sill who gave birth the same time as my mum and was ever so sensitive about my mums grief, keeping her new ds out of the way.
In the end my mum went and knocked on the door and said 'please just let me hold him for a while'. For her it was part of her acceptance and grief.

She felt so much better afterwards.
Holding babies is an instinctive need for some people. She is nearly 80 now and still gets fidgety in any room where a baby is crying. She wants to go and pet them. I just want to go somewhere else

I personally have never experienced a stranger waking my baby up in order to interact with them, or a stranger lifting my baby out of the pram uninvited. I don't think that actually happens outside of exaggerating for effect does it?
As for someone daring to startle your baby by talking loudly....come on now - don't be soft!

That is so sad pagwatch.

Whenever I hear a baby cry that is not being held, I just want to go and pick it up and try and sooth it. This isn't a criticism of the parents. But to me it is an instinctive reaction to want to soothe an unhappy baby. Of course I would never dream of actually doing this in rl. Otherwise I would come on here and read an AIBU about the middle aged bag who dared to pick up my crying baby!

Showofhands you express the other point of view very well -you may convince me .
I do find it interesting those if you that think a baby isn't a possession of the mother but a person in his or her own right and therefore it's fine to touch him or her unless the baby makes it clear he or she doesn't like it. I agree that a baby isn't a possession but a person and therefore wouldn't dream of stroking one. I might stroke a dog in the park but I wouldn't stroke its owner...

Oh your poor mother Pag.

I find myself always attracted by little babies, I've always liked them, even when I was very young. It is just instinctive, and not just because babies are cute, but because they are so communicative and curious and just super cool

Pictish - I wish I was exagerating. Granted not all of them were complete strangers, we knew some of them by sight and a nod and smile hello, but that's it. And what's 'soft' about being annoyed at them startling a newborn baby with loud talking with their head shoved in the pram?! I actually had to say 'Please don't!' to 2 ladies in 2 separate incidents who tried to take sleeping 8 day old DS 1 out of his pram (bassinet so no straps) and had put my arm between them and DS to stop them when they ignored me.

You've never had it happen? Good for you! Don't bloody well assume others are making it up.

Felt sorry for the nice people around who didn't even get a chance to have a look-in because of these obnoxious, selfish people.

I read this yesterday, all my DC are socialized with Strangers and I can strike up conversation with anyone. So have never understood why people don't like it.

Today I took DS shopping and met up after with my DM. We stopped and had a coffee, while she went to buy milk while I sat at the table. The elderly couple behind started interacting with DS, I spoke with them, it turns out they couldn't have children and neither have siblings so they are lonely and sad they can't pass anything on to the next generation money/items/stories/experiences. The wife lit up while taking to DS (5months), it obviously made her day so I let her hold him. 5 minutes later my DM returned and I said goodbye sure that everyone gains from those little interactions.

Now Ive got home I noticed £35 has been put into his dungarees pocket. Not sure how I feel about this. Sad that they felt the need to pay for that interaction, heart-warmed that they wanted to pass something on to DS. Also its a shame I didn't get the chance to thank them.

Seems something I do so often is now so rare people feel the need to give money and that others rant about it when it happens to them.

exoticfruits lovely poem, very true.

Avocado

It's a tradition. Putting money in the babies cot/pram is a good luck thing.
My dad used to do this.

It's not a payment thing. It's a good luck thing.

Agreed its not a payment thing, although £35 is very generous. its comes from a tradition that is more about valuing babies as part of a community.

thanks pagwatch I've had people give a £1-2 pound to DC before but not so much but not really understood. This £35 today made me wonder why, didn't think about tradition.

I said in a previous post that I'm well used to people putting money in the pram for the baby but when I had dd1, I was in Mothercare picking up some bits and pieces and she grabbed a teddy (she was about 8 months) I put it back and went on shopping. When I got to the till an elderly man who'd been in picking up a delivery had bought the teddy and left it for dd1.

The assistant said he had said dd1 was the absolute spit of his grandaughter who was now in her 20s

Nobody ever stuck heads in prams to wake my babies up people were respectful of a sleeping baby , My dds made £80 between them with pennies or pounds in the prams , do people not do it anymore ?

Miserable cow!!!

I thought my Dcs were the most beautiful children on the planet( they r) and enjoyed people admiring them!!

Wow, this brought out the militants! No, I don't think you are being unreasonable to not want strangers to touch your child without at least asking you first. Apart from any other consideration, in this case you were in a doctors surgery, yes your baby might have been contagious, but there's also the issue of why these people were there in the first place. I'll admit to being the first to interact with a baby/ young child but that doesn't involve touching. Just a bit of face pulling and hiding behind the hand etc. As for the people saying that there is an exaggeration about people waking babies up etc, my second son was born with a birth mark on his face. i could not believe that people (complete strangers) would actually cross the road to touch his face and ask what was wrong with him! And that is NO exaggeration I can assure you!

Militants?

Yeah. Of course. No, I'm sure you are right. Militants. As opposed to people who disagree.

Militant baby botherers

I like

What do we wear?

we wear soft clothes for baby to snuggle up in

Militant baby botherers unite

It's like I have fallen through a hole in the universe where nice old grannies are as vermin and arguing about that makes you one step down from Al-Qaeda.

Militant baby botherers wear gnormeous baby grows in camouflage velour.

ooo i like valour my poor childrens baby/toddler pictures are all full of velour combos .

I might wear my onsie to work tomorrow go in pick up a baby storke it and put it back down mum would never notice ,

Formerdiva - nothing against middle aged men, men in wheelchairs, men in general. But this one was weird, cross the street, don't sit next to on the bus type weird. And he was rude to my son (rather proving my instinct right).

Now I'm gutted nobody ever gave DD money!
But once someone did pick her up, sleeping, out of her pram, and cuddle her .
I was genuinely thrilled that somebody wanted to make a fuss of her, even if she did wake up screaming!

I am ordering a batch of ginormous camo babygrows right now....

Militant babybotheres, just let me know the size you want :)