to not want strangers to keep touching DS without permission?

[Fruitflieslikeabanana]

OK this may turn into a rant

Why is it some people feel the need to touch / stroke / pinch the cheeks of my 10 month old DS? I've just taken him to the GP (D and V for several days but thankfully resolving today) and as I know he is probably contagious I sat as far away as possible from others and kept him sat on my knee. He's doing a lot of babbling at the moment so sat there making bits of noise and blowing a few raspberries which lead not one but two people to come over and put their hands on his face and coo at him.

I'm not particularly confrontational so I don't like just telling people to just go away or snatch DS away. AIBU to expect people not to do this to a child they do not know? It used to happen a lot when he was a small baby but I thought it would stop now he's bigger.

thanks Lesley

Flossie - interacting with a stranger and putting poo in your mouth is not the same thing. I think the mother's feelings count if it is something reasonable - but I personally don't think this is reasonable.

[lol at string urges. Do these not usually happen in hardware stores, rather than GP surgeries?]

Someone asking to borrow your newborn to try clothes on is not a gesture of goodnatured interest and affection. So not really comparable.

And babies aren't the same as adults. Just because an adult would find it odd to have their faces stroked by a stranger, it doesn't follow a child would. Children eat with their fingers and pick their noses in public. Most adults prefer not to.

I was delighted (and proud ) when strangers came up to me and touched, stroked or talked to my baby - contact with little ones is very, very special. When my grandmother was very elderly her 'treat' was to have a coffee in the Sainsbury's cafe and watch all the children playing (they had some from of play area there - obviously now gone in these 'health and safety' times). I also used to drive an elderly lady to a day centre in an old people's home and take my DS in with me, she told me that many of the people at the home never, ever saw a baby anymore so of course they enjoyed kissing and cuddling him.

You sound totally PFB - you won't feel the same when your baby is a spotty, inarticulate, grumpy teenager .

I didn't like it either. I too seethed inwardly and smiled politely while edging away

I think it would be odd tbh to be asked if someone could touch my baby?

Maybe you should buy a big plastic bubble to wrap him in so he doesn't have to interact with anyone. Would be a bonus that he wouldn't get sick either.

For the record I don't think YA necessarily BU, but you need to be a bit mor eobvious either verbally or with body language that you're not comfortable with it. Just move him away a bit, or say 'I wouldn't get too close he's been projectile vomitting since yesterday' that should make them shift. No biggie really.

Bling the argument isn't that strangers shouldn't interact with me or my DS but that they should at least ask if it is ok. Surely a polite society is also one that respects personal space and boundaries.

I know what you mean, I have an 8 month old, I sometimes can not be arsed with the generally nice friendly people that show my DD attention.

This is my problem though, she loves attention...from anyone! I just smile and let them both get on with it

YAB a bit U

I do love these threads! They crop up every so often and usually the word 'dirty' stranger is in it! Social interaction is good for babies-much better than treating them like a possession not to be touched.
It is the mother that has the problem-if the baby doesn't like it the baby will make it plain!

I think it sad-the same people probably complain that people are so much more child friendly in Mediterranean countries missing the point that people feel free to touch and even pick up in those countries. In UK it is very much 'love my DC BUT on my terms. Admire and keep your distance! Life doesn't work like that.
I remember someone's sad story about being with an elderly Greek lady in London, the poor woman bent to touch a baby to get 'please don't touch!'-she was very confused, it just wouldn't happen in Greece.

your baby is an individual in his own right. If your baby is happy to be touched by strangers, then I think this is all that matters.

Exactly-and it is such a shame when they have mothers who get uptight about the very things that are good for their baby.

At least you understand it is your problem Laambkins-hopefully OP will realise that it is her problem and stop ranting and leave her child to socialise.

Could you maybe do some wipe clean, laminated permissions slips that you could either give or withold when approached by well meaning baby botherers?

i remember a drunk bloke kissing my pfb in a fish and chip shot in criccieth mind and I was rather taken aback!

bloody hell

I think you have hit the nail on the head fruitflies. Babies don't exist in 'polite society' - they don't give a toss about the normal rules of social interaction. And that is one of the reasons total strangers find them so appealing - a baby is likely to give a huge grin and a giggle at someone smiling at them, or reach out towards a passing dog or another child, they bang toys on the shopping trolley and 'sing' loudly and everyone smiles at them. You, as an adult might care about polite social interaction but you aren't neccessarily speaking for them when you object to people touching them.

People like babies.

You must have a cute one. Get over yourself and count yourself lucky.

I hate people I don't know touching my children, I try to move them away or make an excuse to get away. Especially in a Dr's surgery, who knows wot lurgy they have. I don't think or care ifits being precious, they r my children and I don't like it.

Brilliant ...........but now my Dragons Den moment is quashed before it even began

But babies don't have "boundaries". So yes, I'd agree that we should respect personal space and boundaries, but I'd also argue that it needs to be appropriate. 9 month DS clearly has no boundaries - he waves at random strangers, and now has started staring at them while saying hello. I wouldn't do that, but as a baby, he thinks that's okay. Similarly, he doesn't mind people touching his cheek or giving him a cuddle, in fact, he likes it as he gets to explore someone who looks different to me and DH which he thinks is hilarious.

I think it is good for babies to have strangers taking an interest, interacting and touching strangers. And if the baby doesn't like it, you soon know.

Orm hits the nail on the head on the other side of things too - I also have very little sympathy for people who complain when babies are yelling or banging their cutlery in places like pizza express. Babies don't know it's inappropriate and that's why as a mum, I take DS places like that rather than "nicer" places - I realise that his idea of appropriate behaviour and the rest of society's are completely different. As he gets older, I'll expect him to modify and adapt his behaviour. But when he's eating pizza for the first time, I figure it's okay to cut him some slack.