to not want strangers to keep touching DS without permission?

[Fruitflieslikeabanana]

OK this may turn into a rant

Why is it some people feel the need to touch / stroke / pinch the cheeks of my 10 month old DS? I've just taken him to the GP (D and V for several days but thankfully resolving today) and as I know he is probably contagious I sat as far away as possible from others and kept him sat on my knee. He's doing a lot of babbling at the moment so sat there making bits of noise and blowing a few raspberries which lead not one but two people to come over and put their hands on his face and coo at him.

I'm not particularly confrontational so I don't like just telling people to just go away or snatch DS away. AIBU to expect people not to do this to a child they do not know? It used to happen a lot when he was a small baby but I thought it would stop now he's bigger.

These threads always fall into two camps op as you may well have noticed. Yanbu at all in my book and I hated hated people touching my babies' hands and asked them not to. If anyone thinks that is precious they can fuck right off. I'm with you op.

I'd like my friend to actually allow me to hold my goddaughter!!!! She won't let anyone touch her child (she's 2) and I have never had a hold, when she was a baby. Child is clingy and whingy by they way!

She thinks the same as you...

Rest my case! ;)

Yabu - I think it's quite nice for people to show affection and interest in your child.
I have a slightly different problem...I have a very cute even if I do say so myself little daughter who attracts attention, but who hates it, and glares balefully at anyone that approaches her.

I'm always saying "Sorry, she's rather shy" to the well meaning people chased off with the evil eye.

can't you just tell people he is contagious?

nalubeadsgirl - not quite like me, I have no problem with people I know holding DS, he's been passed around at work and playgroup lots. It's strangers i.e. people I've never met before I struggle with

Is it learned behaviour do you think OP?

Was your Mum the same way when you/your siblings were little?

Don't know about Op, Worra - but I remember putting up with bloody bearhugs, smelly, sloppy kisses (on the mouth), rank boiled sweets being offered (no wrapper from the bottom of the handbag!), cheeks being pinched etc for many years. Ugh, couldn't stand it then, can't stand it now.

"Will me having a more laid back attitute to people touching ds make society so much better."

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FFS this thread has actually made me feel tearful.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest - people have always given my dds a squeeze in the supermarket, chapel, school gates etc. I think some people just pass the time of the day of me to have a bit of a chat with dd3, mind you where I live people still give babies £1 or so to buy some sweets

I do it too, if I'm chatting to someone and they have a toddler running around I'll usually have a quick hair stroke. I hadn't really thought about it before.

Of course it will blemp-how could it do otherwise?

This makes sense...maybe you are one of those people who give my DP and I filthy looks when we converse with their DCs in the queue at Sainsburys or comment on how sweet they are etc. You have every right to your opinion OP but I cannot relate to it at all, if it is simply people being kind and interested.

I think we agree with each other exotic

Don't worry, in 15 years time you will be asking why nobody likes teenagers and why so many elderly people avoid them like their contagious.

Or why so many people ignore your toddler in the coffee shop when all he wants to do is chat to people

As someone said this question always evokes 2 extremes - happy with the touching and definitely not happy.

I am with you in that DD is handed round all our friends and is very happy about it, she is also happy to smile at everyone randomly in the street/bank etc. I know an old lady touched her face when she was over my shoulder the other day in the bank queue. asked some of the ladies at my baby class and DH and they all said they don't like their babies being touched by strangers.

I know I am not alone in this thought that I don't like strangers randomly touching her but I feel I just have to ignore it, rather than be cranky with a pensioner I just have to grit my teeth.

I agree if we lived in the Med she would be constantly handed round others but we don't, that's not our culture so it's not the norm for us.

Seems a tad confusing too that once they start school we tell them NOT to talk to strangers but people are saying they are happy for them to do this before school age.

Wora "Touch A Toddler Today" Campaign probably would need a re-worked title

This is an interesting (long) read

vibrantwanderings.com/2012/03/bodily-autonomy-and-sexual-abuse.html

My dd (7 months) always attracts attention, from little children going 'aww' to elderly men and women coo'ing in the coffee shop. Reading the blog, I have always tended to 'narrate' what's happening when people come up to her (like 'this lady wants to say hello') don't really know where I've got that from or why I do it, but it kind of makes sense to reassure dd that she's not in danger etc.

She genuiely is a happy girl and beamssmiles at everyone she makes eye contact with, it's hilarious to watch as people just can't ignore her! I see it that she likes the interaction and is sociable herself just like me, I can talk anyone's head off!

I'm hoping though, one day, that a nice old lady will ask if they can have a hold her in the cafe so I can at least drink one hot drink before she turns 1

YANBU! We have had Norovirus here 3 times this year - most revolting bug ever -please stop touching my Ds so we get a break from the puke

DD would smile at everyone and they would smile back, touch her face and hands, pat her head and chat to me.
Mostly older people but I remember a group of teenagers pawing over her once.
It was lovely. I often smile at open, friendly looking parents if we are say, next to each other in a cafe and have been known to touch a babies hand.
All you have to do OP is perfect a miserable as sin, sour expression and people will leave you and your child alone.

FWIW. Babies communicate through looking and touching. They touch everything, I don't think you really care about passing your DC's D&V onto others. You think the grotty general public have infected them don't you?

Iwantcandy At least you're honest unlike OP :o

Or why so many people ignore your toddler in the coffee shop when all he wants to do is chat to people

They ignore him because they know they have to chat on the mother's terms. Try picking him up or touching (as they do in Southern Europe) and it won't be liked by mother!

I agree if we lived in the Med she would be constantly handed round others but we don't, that's not our culture so it's not the norm for us.

And we are the poorer for it. Perhaps we should all try 'touching a baby a day'!

I was agreeing with you,blemp.

I used to like it when people admired DD when she was a baby and in fact got to the stage where I got cheesed off if people didn't - what a prentious tosser I was!

I don't really remember any touching so can't have been bothered.

There was an occasion in a shopping centre when a boy of about 20 who had SN came and gave her a kiss and a cuddle as she was toddling around the buggy. This level of interaction with any adult stranger made me a bit uncomfortable but she wasn't bothered so fine.

It seems to me that British culture has changed in recent years from "ok to touch baby/chat to toddler/tell unrelated child off" to "all negotiations must go through mother". There is a danger in that. Somebody who has been met by too many deathstares might hesitate just a second too long before he puts his hand out to restrain a runaway toddler.

It all adds to the move away from the village raising the child. If the village is not allowed any of the enjoyment of other people's children it may not be all that keen to do the work either. And that will eventually put all our children at risk.

I did grab a toddler just before he dived into the oncoming traffic a few years ago and if maternal looks could kill I would not now be Mumsnetting...
(On the other hand, if I had been too intimidated by the audacity of touching other people's children, that little boy would not now be doing whatever he is doing.)

I agree cory, the telling words in OP are without permission as if the poor DC is a possession.
Some mothers are very caught up in my baby, my DC and 'my DC, my rules' -which is simply untrue, as soon as you step outside your front door they are not your rules. You can only control yourself.
It does take a village.... IMO and the village are not going to be friendly if they can't have free expression.
No one persists if the baby doesn't like it. Generally the baby loves it and the mother has the problem. All spontaneity is lost if you have to ask the mother.

The way this society is becoming disconnected and disinterested in anyone outside their immediate social circle makes me incredibly sad.
The 'don't touch my baby', 'my toddler was running around but WTF, some old cow said something' 'the bitches at school are all in a clique and I can't stand them' etc etc. We give extraordinarily 'fuck everyone else' messages to our dc all the time.
It's only going to get worse