to not want strangers to keep touching DS without permission?

[Fruitflieslikeabanana]

OK this may turn into a rant

Why is it some people feel the need to touch / stroke / pinch the cheeks of my 10 month old DS? I've just taken him to the GP (D and V for several days but thankfully resolving today) and as I know he is probably contagious I sat as far away as possible from others and kept him sat on my knee. He's doing a lot of babbling at the moment so sat there making bits of noise and blowing a few raspberries which lead not one but two people to come over and put their hands on his face and coo at him.

I'm not particularly confrontational so I don't like just telling people to just go away or snatch DS away. AIBU to expect people not to do this to a child they do not know? It used to happen a lot when he was a small baby but I thought it would stop now he's bigger.

Sharpish even, wtf, that's a new one on my autocorrect.

Exactly DiddleyDooDoo it's the touching and stroking I find strange.

Also sometimes people have asked and I have let them touch / hold him. I just find it strange that people will do this without finding out if it is ok first.

Shatish is so much more common than sharpish of course!

Well you wouldn't walk up and touch an adult's face because you can have a conversation with them.

A baby...not so much.

"Dear baby, I think you're really cute and I love you chubby cheeks"...doesnt' really work does it?

A little brush of the face or a gentle tweak of the cheeks can speak volumes.

I am not suggesting that without this contact from strangers a child will have no social interaction. I am suggesting that they will learn early that outside with tight parameters, spontaneous contact with passing strangers is awful and should be avoided.

I think we are increasingly separate and anti-social, disinterested in our neighbour and frankly up our own arses. A report on radio 5 a week or so ago said tat elderly people in the uk are the loneliest in europe.
Some fitness group are now incorporating visiting local elderly residents within their running schedule.

Whisking babies away from some nice woman who just wants to pet a baby because her grandchildren are bloody miles away is part of that.

Strangers getting a kick out of it. Best not take your DS 'abroad' then OP, you'll have all sorts touching, smiling and cuddling him

YABU

Just because you are old doesn't give you an automatic right to touch a child's face!

And Worra if you 'tweaked' my baby's cheek I would go nuts!

Pagwatch - it's funny but I do a lot of work with the elderly, I certainly have much more experience with older people than with babies. You are right there is an awful lot of loneliness out there but should we not be spending time encouraging families to take interest in their older relatives so that they do see their grandchildren. Will me having a more laid back attitute to people touching ds make society so much better.

TBH most of the people that cuddle DS are cooing teenagers or broody ladies.

Hardcheese - I'm afraid your precious child will very soon be the greatest bacteria carrier in your house. Babies delight in sticking fingers into poo at nappy changing time, snot will be smeared over baby, you and all contents of your home, as baby starts to move around you will repeatedly find it playing with bins and loos (tip - do not keep the toothbrush near the loo) and it will soon discover the joys of sticking fingers into and around bottoms before sucking on fingers. Babies are disgusting, yet these amazing strangers still want to touch your child. You should hug them, IMO

Oh believe me Diddley I wouldn't

I imagine it's tantamount to touching a guard dog's chewy toy

Yes, your encouraging your child to be open and tactile with harmless people will help to make society better.

And sometimes circumstances make family unavailable through no fault of their own.

No no. You are right, Diddly. Being old doesn't give you any rights at all.

[sigh]

You could always paint your baby with anti climb paint

The last old lady I let cuddle my baby said (wistfully)

"Oh that was lovely, it's been so long since I've had a cuddle"

Nearly killed me. :(

I'm not going to deny anyone a lovely baby cuddle, especially when there's a chance it might be the first affectionate physical contact they've had in months

You could keep your baby inside or buy a 'Hands off!' babyhood.

I am loving the idea that strangers shouldn't touch because they might be dirty. Given DS's love of shoes and desire to put everything in his mouth, a stranger touching his cheeks doesn't even make the top 50 least hygienic moments of the day. And how odd that instead of allowing the natural interaction between babies and others on a day to day basis, we should hurt people by intervening and then encourage their family to take responsibility for them. No such thing as society eh, OP?

And OP there are plenty of young lonely people in London

Babygro - bloody auto correct!

Diddley and Fruitflies, what do you do about the toddlers/ young children who like to touch your baby's cheek? And if you stop them, what will you be doing in 2 years when it's your child wanting to touch the baby?

I was imagining a baby with attitude wearing a hoody saying "Hands off!" Sauvignon

Come to think of it...probably not a bad idea for the OP.

I was about to say YANBU, as the mother of a 10week early premmie who was ventilated and came home mid-winter with dire warnings that a cold bug could put him right back in hospital...
Then i saw he's 10 months! Even I'm lightening up past 6 months. He eats anything he can reach FGS.

It's a great idea Worra I wish I could claim the credit!

I used to have the touching thing all the time with DS - still do sometimes. Usually old women on the bus who ruffle his red hair. I didn't really like it, because of the invasion of personal space, but I don't think young kids really have this concept like adults do.

I did have a problem this week with a middle age man man in a wheelchair who went past us on the pavement, shouted something like "oi, ginger!" and patted DS (age 6) on the head. I said "hey!" because I thought the way he spoke to DS wasn't affectionate but mocking. But I left it at that, because I knew otherwise all anyone would see was a woman getting cross at a man in a wheelchair... DS was confused - "maybe he has a cat called ginger with the same colour fur as my hair?" - and a bit uncomfortable about being touched by an adult stranger.

So to answer your Q - it all depends on context: YABU if it's someone you feel comfortable with, and should maybe feel proud to have such an adorable baby? YANBU if you have a hunch that it feels inappropriate to your child, as they aren't public property.

Erm..... Is it just me, or is MN getting a bit weird again? Could I please have a board specifically for the minority that don't mind affectionate strangers, old people or middle aged men in wheelchairs?

FYI my issues / oddness have nothing to do with hygiene or cleanliness this would be hypocrytical as DS has D and V at the mo.

MainlyMaynie - I do realise that young children have no social awareness of these things - so no I wouldn't have aprobkem, in fact it happens a lot. It's adults without the social awareness that I find odd.