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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to really not identify with the feminist boards on here, when i always thought I was a feminist

952 replies

DinahMoHum · 11/03/2012 11:03

seems so joyless and anti sex.

I feel very conflicted now. I always thought feminism was about equality for women, which I dont believe we have, but it seems to re\lly be focusing on the wrong issues for me, and getting too much into dynamics of personal relationships, and peoples sexual preferences

im probably being unreasonable

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 12/03/2012 12:33

It's something I'm noticing more and more across the boards.

Along with finessing posts so they are just under the MN radar insulting, but making them over and over.

Any observations on who is best at this ;)

Feduptothebackteeth · 12/03/2012 12:37

Going to open a can of worms as I've still yet to receive a reply about this and its very very relevant to this thread and I think people deserve to be able to ask questions about this.

I reported a message on Friday which was a personal attack against a group of individuals.

I had the following response on Saturday

Hi there,

Thanks for reporting. We certainly see where you're coming from, however we would only delete this post if it did, in fact, single out an individual.

However please do report anything that further raises your concerns and we'll take a look.

Best,
XXXXX
MNHQ

I have removed which admin it was as I don't want to drop anyone in it.

I replied with an email ranting about why is it not ok to attack a single person, but to attack a group is ok.

In the interests of everyone who is now completely confused over what is allowed and what isn't allowed. And why in just over 36 hours the policy changed, can MNHQ actually clarify wtf is going on.

The post I reported still remains there. If they could "see where I was coming from" and the policy has changed on the basis of the email sent then why is it still there?

I am highly confused, frustrated and very very pissed off.

HesterBurnitall · 12/03/2012 12:39

My observation would be that it's those with an agenda, Whatmeworry. It's a pretty safe bet we wouldn't agree on who those posters are, however.

AnyFucker · 12/03/2012 12:41

so

Have we invented a new term ? Regular basher ?

How many threads do you have to post on criticising a section, before you aspire to that ?

DefiniteMiss · 12/03/2012 12:43

one, apparrently.

PlumpDogPillionaire · 12/03/2012 12:43

So a Regular Basher bashes regularly or bashes regulars? Confused

AnyFucker · 12/03/2012 12:47

well, since we were having a discussion about what constitutes a "regular" on a board, I started to wonder why people who supposedly never use a board because they don't like the prevailing atmosphere would take the time to pop up every time it is discussed

KatieMiddleton · 12/03/2012 12:51

I think the old term "nobber" just about covers it AF Wink

Now I wonder how many of those people ranting about other people's ideological beliefs would like to start a thread slagging off those who post on the Christian prayer thread, or those who post about their latest purchase in Style & Beauty? Perhaps those without dogs could go and shit on the regs from In The Dog House?

Or perhaps you realise that would be rude and unpleasant?

I've really had enough of this now. The feminist baiting, misrepresentation and downright rudeness and the offensive language.

From now on I refuse to engage with the nobbers. I am just going to post What an offensive post. Did you mean to be so rude? and stick to threads where people have an intellect superior to that of a DFS sofa.

PlumpDogPillionaire · 12/03/2012 12:52

Because they'd like to post on that board, AnyFucker?

thecarbonaraPan · 12/03/2012 12:54

Quite ok to say why you don't do a particular thing. It isn't 'popping up' as you say - it's reading a POV and adding yours. So wonder no more.

to say you 'can't' add your POV would be seeing as being very very defensive.

PlumpDogPillionaire · 12/03/2012 12:54

So you never notice the dog-phobe threads, Katie?

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 12:57

I am unsurprised to see this is still going. I like what sunshineandbooks did eariler, and in the spirit of that I think I will do similar (although I think its :( no one else did).

I am a feminist.

I laugh all the time. I am a very happy, positive person and very little ever gets me down. I am an extrovert and very outgoing and I make other people laugh all the time. In a social group I tend to be the funny one.

That doesn't stop me getting angry about inequality and fighting to do something about it. I work at board level for a large company in a very male dominated insdustry. I am the only female at the level and the only one in its history. I am fighting hard to change that. The company I work for recently became a Sunday Times Top 100 Employer due to the new policies and initiaives I have introduced which make things better for all staff and particulalry female staff. These have included enhanced maternity pay, flexiblre working and assistance with childcare costs, but have been wide reaching as well in terms of work / life balance, health and career progression and training. I mentor a selction of female staff each year in order to try to make sure I am not the only woman at my level for long. In my spare time (and given I have a high pressure career, horses and a small baby, there isn't a lot) I do voluntary work with vulnerable women, assist with fundraising for womens charitys and am heavily involved in assisting women access HE which I am passionate about. I have 2 degrees myself so would like others to have access to the same opportunities.

I love sex. Don't want to stray into TMI territory but I'm quite adventurous and open-minded about it. As long as it doesn't involve children or animals, and consent is unequivocal, anything goes in my book. I do not believe the choices I make behind closed doors within my personal relationship affect other women. I worked in the sex industry at a low level at University (glamour / porn model and sex line operator). I have some insights into that industry. I have my own experiences of rape and DV, as do a lot of people. I am concerned about exploitation and trafficking and the sexualisation of young girls which I think are serious issues facing women today. I don't think it should be legal to pay for sex but my primary concern would be to ensure women are being protected and that any legislation has that at its heart and is able to acutally deliver that protection. I am also concerned about exploitation full stop (especially of children) and think poverty and culture are big factors.

I don't like or dislike men anymore than I like or dislike women. I tend to not make that distinction. I just like or dislike different people. I love being a woman, I think it is something to celebrate and be very proud of. I have achieved what I have achieved because I am a woman, not in spite of it.

I find it odd that given my feminism, my activism, my pratical work to improve equality and the lives of women, my views and beliefs I am refered to as a usual suspect lining up to slag off the MN Feminists. Especially as I have not done that at any point. I am pleased that all of my posts on this thread stand, which I think is testament to the fact I have not attacked anoyone, or the boards in general. I certainly haven't attacked feminism. That would be a very odd thing for a feminist to do. As I say, I find it odd but I won't lose sleep over it as I don't need a couple of random people on an internet forum to validate my feminist credentials. Last time I looked they weren't in charge of giving out the badges.

There are some posters on the FWR boards who are aggressive and inflexible. There are a number of people on MN who do not feel welcome or comfotable posting the FWR boards.

Those are facts, not insults.

I post on AIBU a lot. If someone said there were some posters on there who were aggressive and inflexible and that some people did not feel welcome or comfortable posting on that board, I would not take that as a personal attack. I would agree with them. There are. I am not AIBU. No single poster is FWR. Both boards are a collection of opinions from a group of people. Most good, some bad, lots just different. I feel no need to "defend" the AIBU board or "attack" the FWR board. Nor have I done.

I love being a feminist. I love being a woman. I am full of joy. I like sex.

I don't seem to fit the required boxes to not be seen as an anti-feminist on MN by some people. But I think that's a reflection of them and not of me or of feminism, so that's ok. I shall just carry on doing what I do and being a feminist and I don't really mind if anyone tells me I am not or I am doing it wrong. I'll muddle through somehow.

PlumpDogPillionaire · 12/03/2012 13:08

I think you've finally identified your unease with FWR board, DMH:
It's uncomfortable reading.

Can be, yes. That's very different from being joyless or anti-sex, though.

PlumpDogPillionaire · 12/03/2012 13:12

Good post, Catgirl.
Oh, do come along and muddle through on FWR boards, though. It will be fun - or rad - or both, simultaneously. Gwaan, gwaan! Wink

Beachcomber · 12/03/2012 13:13

Well DinahMoHum I think it is a personal attack to accuse posters of trolling and exploiting other people's distress for an agenda.

Either that or those people are doing exactly what you say - in which case they are trolls and you should definitely be reporting them so that MNHQ can ban them.

What I have said is exactly what the guidelines say. You may, of course disagree - telling me to fuck off is a bit out of order though. I'm can't say I'm particularly bothered but I'm pretty sure telling people to fuck off is frowned upon by MNHQ.

The guidelines clearly say, do not accuse people of trolling because you will cause hurt if you are mistaken, report so that HQ can deal with it.

I'm not too sure why you think the guidelines don't apply to the troll accusation you have made upthread Confused.

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 13:17

no, as i already said, if you care to read what i actually write, its the agenda pushed on the support boards and when peoples personal crises are turned into a poilitical debate, that is uncomfortable reading

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garlicbutter · 12/03/2012 13:18

Standing ovation for catgirl!

It's fantastic to hear from a feminist who is taking real action to really further equality; I'm thrilled you posted your 'resume'.

I have limited patience with people who prefer complaining about stuff to actively changing it - whatever the focus of complaint may be.

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 13:18

i dont think its trolling. It doesnt fit my definition of trolling. I just think its twattish and insensitive

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DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 13:19

Catgirl, you are awesome x

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SirGinTheUnreasonable · 12/03/2012 13:20

SirGin says it the same old feminists posting on here? Well I can see the same old 'lets insult the feminists gang' on here.

I think I said it was the same posters from either side of the tracks. That's why these threads seem a bit pointless. It's like watching a car crash in slow motion.

They just turn into a kind of up adult version of 'you said this You said that'

I think both sides have been equally insulting tbh.

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 13:20

Blush thanks garlic, dinahand plumpdog...............

and I just might plumpdog, if I see a thread where I think I have anything to add. Look out for me muddling away :)

ShirleyKnot · 12/03/2012 13:20

Actually Dinah, you seem to be referring to a thread which was started by someone who has found out her husband has been having sex with prostitutes (apologies if this isn't the thread which is bothering you). The people on that thread who are saying that it would be a dealbreaker for them as men who use women in this way are bastards are not all from the FWR section.

It's a fairly widespread belief that a) Men who have sex with prostitutes while married are bastards and b) Men who use women in the manner are bastards.

It's not generally considered to be a Radical Feminist stance to take TBH!

AnyFucker · 12/03/2012 13:23

Dinah, do you really think it is purely Feminist posters who turn a personal situation into a debate ?

really ?

why do you not level the same accusation at the pro-sex industry posters who seek to minimise women's distress when they realise they are living with a different person than they thought ?

to use a cliche, it takes two to tango

DinahMoHum · 12/03/2012 13:23

That is certainly one thread I was thinking of, and it all sounds fine when you simplify it down to a few lines like that, but thats not really how the thread read, is it?

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