to really not identify with the feminist boards on here, when i always thought I was a feminist

[DinahMoHum]

seems so joyless and anti sex.

I feel very conflicted now. I always thought feminism was about equality for women, which I dont believe we have, but it seems to re\lly be focusing on the wrong issues for me, and getting too much into dynamics of personal relationships, and peoples sexual preferences

im probably being unreasonable

Maybe lots of us feel like that Rhinos, but I feel you would be first in the queue to have posts of mine deleted if you did not agree with my (equally valid) opinion.

As far as I can see the criticism falls into three categories

1. 'Their' debating style is too intellectually robust.
2. 'They' disagree with ideas and povs that I hold very dear
3. 'They' don't allow diversity of opinion.

I think only the last one has any real validity as criticism tbh, and is one of the reasons I find the board intimidating, because there is an orthodoxy that holds sway and I'm not sufficiently bright to argue with them but all the more reason to post there if you disagree I would have thought.

Just another thought, feminism is a political movement and although reference may be made to 'sisterhood' that isn't actually its raison d'etre. There is no reason that posters on FWR should be any more accomodating of opposing views than posters on the Politics board or indeed AIBU.

I tend to lurk and read rather than post on MN, but when I decided to post on the FWR board I was dealt with very kindly and was welcomed. I consider myself a feminist, but admit that I am very ignorant about the intellectual side of it. I don't fully understand everything written on there, but see that as my fault rather than something to be complained about. I want to learn more so read the threads I am interested in. I love the level of debate on there with very few exceptions.

It would be like saying - I only have GCSE Biology but could the scientific journals please dumb down for me as I don't understand them.

I may be getting long in the tooth, but I still want to learn so much and feminism is important to me. So I will keep reading and maybe, just maybe post something eventually. But if I don't, it won't be because the FWR board is too scary, it will be because I don't think I have much to contribute to the discussion.

And may I respectfully suggest that sometimes -not always, or even often, but sometimes- not all opinions are equal?

I thought people wanted to know what Garlic had actually DONE about these PMs as one would expect MNHQ to take action. If she did nothing at all, well that isn't very helpful is it?

PlumpDog - agree completely.

Nyac, I was on a thread recently where you accused me of criticising radical feminism. I hadn't criticised radical feminisim at all. I asked you again and again to either show where I had done that on the thread or to apologise as I felt other people reading your post would make incorrect assumptions about me.

You couldn't find any evidence (because I hadn't said anything critical of radical feminism) but you refused to apologise or retract what you had said and a lot of posters on the thread gave me a hard time because they read your post and automatically assumed I had an issue with radical feminism or was anti-feminism. Neither of which are true.

It was a very unpleasant experience for me and I asked you for evidence time and again but there was none so you could not produce it but you still wouldn't withdraw your remarks.

I don't want to start a fight or come across as singling you out, but you keep asking for evidence or examples and, given my past experience of you I find it ironic and also feel maybe it would be helpful to give an example.

I did feel attacked on that thread (not just by you)

You probably had no idea thats how I was feeling / percieving what was happening but .well there you go.

But other people who had said they had had PMs weren't asked what they had done. Why was only garlic asked?

Seeker - I totally agree with you. And that is why so many have problems with the FWR topic. And that is why I like it.

In an ideal world I would like most of the women on MN to occasionally saunter over to the FWR section and have a look at the ideas and discussions going on there because it can be thought provoking. But, I think like many, when I did used to do that I felt a little unwelcome and I felt my input wasn't wanted.

Now, can I give examples of this? No. Why? Well, because this wasn't really very important to me. I went, had a look, didn't like it and now don't bother. I can't give link to threads where I feel posters were dismissive of me as proof that it happened.

Every time there is a thread like this it goes the same way, some people say I felt a little unwelcome and others say when?

MALTED! You stole my name :o

"It would be like saying - I only have GCSE Biology but could the scientific journals please dumb down for me as I don't understand them.

I may be getting long in the tooth, but I still want to learn so much and feminism is important to me. So I will keep reading and maybe, just maybe post something eventually. But if I don't, it won't be because the FWR board is too scary, it will be because I don't think I have much to contribute to the discussion.

^ This, exactly this. Except I've already posted and nothing laughed or anything.

quick - can't speak for anyone else, but I asked garlic what she'd done because this is the first I heard about what happened to her and I thought it was worth reporting. Other people who referred to PMs, I know what happened because they've mentioned it before and the posters concerned have been banned.

Does that explain it?

Melted Sorry!!! I'll change. Its a new name anyway, its the name of some Dulux paint we nearly chose for our living room. Can you tell I've ran out of inspiration for my MN nickname?

I am about the "not believing Garlic" thing TBH.

The issue isn't one of disbelief but of shock (for me) that a regular or regulars had sent hate PM's. I would like to know that whoever did that was banned.

I'm seriously confused.

Oi, what you trying to say :o Haha! You could go for DuluxPaintGlorifiedBrown :o

There's no need to change if you want to keep it. I'm not really bothered :)

Nobody insinuated that Garlic was lying. In fact, Beach and others, like Flippanda, for example, were quite taken aback and asked her if she had reported these messages. She made a very serious accusation and anyone who regularly posts on the FWR board -myself included- should be worried by the idea that there is some one or more than one person who was sending hate mail via pm. Other posters then said they had received nasty messages and porn by pm also, but that they had come from people later revealed to be a troll.

And over reacting? This thread does not start "I don't like the feminist board because it is unwelcoming", it started saying the feminist board was joyless and antisex. It has also been mentioned that one poster -who I estimeed and admired a lot has been forced to leave because of being stalked. I know of others who -like me- have deleted all references to their physical locations because of intimidation they have received.

If you don't like feminism, fine. Of you don't like the FWR board, fine. No one is obliged to post where they don't want. No one forces you to read threads you find unpleasant or uncomfortable. No one -bar MNHQ- impedes anyone from posting anywhere.

I really fail to see the point of yet another Aibu thread in the subject of the feminism board. If you think posters are breaking talk guidelines report them. Challenge views you don't like. But as far as i am aware, one of the golden rules of the TG is not to take grievances off thread and on to others. Which means don't set up witch hunts in AIBU.

Am I reading a different thread? Some of the "facts" on here about what others have written appear quite different from what was actually posted.

Do you know, i think i will have a break from the fwr board because i am tired of feeling criticised and under siege -joyless, manhating, fascist (yes, really, and when i asked this poster to stop because words have meanings, to choose a different less charged insult she positively gloated over just how hurtful i found it) amongst other insults

i don't care to share my thoughts and feelings where i will be constantly under attack

maybe people are right, the fwr board isn't a welcoming place, but if so that sure as hell isn't because of the feminists :(

"Am I reading a different thread? Some of the "facts" on here about what others have written appear quite different from what was actually posted."

I think that is one of the main problems on the whole of MN, not the FWR in particular. Lots of posters don't actually read the thread. They then reply to something that they think they have read instead!

Oh I had someone gloating over the fact that they thought they must have hurt me because I'd posted an insulting posts of theirs too Chibi. It was weird and horrible.

I'm pretty sickened by the double standards on this thread. It's been full of insults against us, but we're the ones still being admonished to play nice, and the insults brushed off.