To wonder if MIL will EVER chuck this shit out!

[CheshireDing]

The conversation yesterday went something like this...

MIL: We have 5 recorders in our loft, do you want them for DD?

Me: No, give them to charity

MIL: But they are DH's (my Husband not hers) and when DD starts to learn the recorder you will not need to buy one

Me: I hate the sound of the recorder, most people can't play it, she will have to pick a different instrument

MIL: We have an organ of DH's too, would DD like that?

Me: No, give it to the charity shop. I don't want the organ, musical instruments have probably moved on a bit since the 80's, I don't want the 5 recorders, by the time she might want a recorder they will have been in your loft 35 years fgs, chuck them out

MIL: Do you want a lawn mower? We have 2 in our loft?

Me: No, I have one.

Also wanted to say "why the fuck are there 2 lawn mowers in your loft when (a) you have a garage (b) you don't have any grass?"

She said she is doing an itinerary of shit in the loft for DH to say if he wants, DH has been telling her since we initially moved abroad to chuck it out. I have told him he needs to go, take the tat and then throw it away himself. Please tell me I am not alone in this tat-offering-infested-hell-hole.

I'm not sure how generous it actually is. Some of the stuff my mum and mil keep is rank and manky. They wouldn't use it themselves and yet take deep offence when I don't want it.

This hoarding is bizarre and very unhealthy. I don't know why I should be grateful for their tat. And it is tat.

I'm a firm chucker-outer.

Oh, and every time she comes to stay and every time there is an empty yoghurt pot by the sink for a quick rinse and recycling we have the followoing conversation:

MIL: "are you saving this for anything - shall I pop it in the cupboard"
Me: "what would I be saving it for"
MIL: "well I don't know but it might come in useful for something"
Me: "well, we get through at least a dozen a week so if I need one there will always be one to hand".
MIL: "well if you're sure, I'll put it in the bin"
Me: "thank you".

Every time, every bloody time. What does anyone need to keep emtpy yoghurt pots for.

OP at one of DC's school the recorder was compulsory for music classes 1 or 2 years, and the parents are supposed to buy them. So you might you want to keep one of them at least.

Why not take them, cherry pick the one in best condition, then give the rest to a local school. They could probably do with a few spares for the parents that can't afford to buy new.

I got into the habit of passing the council tip on my way home, before the charity shop stuff even made it into my house. I've no objection to recycle and reuse - we had a family school coat that did the rounds for about 20 years - but you have to know your limits. Fortunately I now live in a house so small, I can't accept anything

I love a good fling out. I'd like a skip outside about every 6 months, and I'd fill it. Before DD my house was like a minimalist's dream. Now...words fail me

Some of these stories of how people really can't bear to let go of tat are making me feel sad. I think hoarding must

Sorry, posted too soon. Hoarding must be much more common than most of us think. There are probably lots of people out there who manage to fool themselves and others if they are tidy hoarders. Anyway, on that note, I'm off to find something to chuck out!

I wonder how many of these people are children of people who lived through the war (or even were children then themselves)
My Grandfather was a real hoarder, it came from making do so much and my

Mum inherited a watered down version. I am an even more watered down version of her

I hear you OP, my MIL is exactly the same. For her it's a money thing - always best to hang onto something as it might save you having to buy it in the future.

She also won't get rid of anything she has been given as a present in case it hurts someone's feelings. She showed me a not very nice brass plate that DH's uncle had given her twenty/thirty years ago and expressed regret that she couldn't get rid of it. He wouldn't even notice

Every surface of their house is covered with little bits and pieces

Yes my parents are in their 70s, grew up in quite poor conditions, and do find it very hard to get rid of anything eg when they redid their kitchen they used all the old cupboards to make excellent storage in the sheds/garage, so they could store more stuff! Dad has made a start on getting rid of some stuff now, it makes me a bit sad tho, as if he's preparing for popping off this mortal coil but I'm glad I won't have to deal with it all!!

What annoys me about my mothers hoarding, is that she keeps things until they need binning, because of the condition that they are in.

I don't buy what i won't use and believe in giving to charities, so that aspect gets on my nerves.

I often ask to look at what others are binning , especially clothes, for homeless hostels etc, some people don't realise the poverty that is about and starting to appear again.

I have this a lot with MIL too so you aren't alone. She doesn't quite 'get' that I would like to live in a house that looks how I want it to look. It's incredibly shallow and materialistic of me, especially as she's usually gracious in accepting when I don't want something. I do have a lot of family items that are great and that I've been happy to take, but it gets tiring when I can't mention any plans without having a hand-me-down shoved in my face. I tend to buy first and mention later on anything that I feel strongly about!

She is an only child and struggles to part with anything that her parents owned or installed. It's sad as they are now deceased... she's a good lady really.

The other thing that bugs me on this subject is... my garden. It's great they come up and help out with it, but again; I kind of would like to plan my plants and their positions. Do you know what I mean? It's like you can't do anything for yourself. I'd kind of prefer my garden looking a bit shabby for months and doing it myself when I get the time, than having everything decided for me. It's a crap thing to say as I bet loads of MNers would lap up help of this kind... but we can't change how we feel can we?!

My MIL is proud of the fact that she has boxes of stuff under the stairs that have not been unpacked since they moved in. 25 years ago.

They have a house full of crap, likewise garden shed. When the shed sprung a leak last year and all the shed-crap got soaked, FIL bought a new shed, and transferred all the now soggy shed-crap to the new one.

They do not throw anything away. MIL has just retired from teaching but is keeping all her files and boxes of teaching stuff "just in case".

They try to palm stuff off on us, too - I think it's a way of thinking it's "kept" because it's still in the family. We make sure that there isn't room in the car when we go to visit!

Please don't get me started on the contents of their fridge.

I think staying in the same house for a long time seems to encourage this stuff to build up. My parents moved recently, so got rid of loads.

I think I have nagged my husband out of these tendencies, he does have a room full of bits of computers though. And wires.

I hate this. They don't want it, but get offended when we don't want it either!

In my house, we have carpet only, yet my dad owns four hoovers (we live in the same house..)
He also hoovers said stairs at least four times everyday.

he also has about 10 laminate flooring mops, and has eyes set on a new hoover...

Okay I now feel much better because clearly there are a lot of you out there in a much worse position than me .

Dead peoples clothes fgs! Animal medicines,

We did also get offered some mis-matched mugs "in case of emergency" . They use mis-matched cutlery but keep matching cutlery wrapped up in a separate drawer (she tried to give us this, it's individually wrapped in bits of cellophane and not dishwasher safe - so it never stood a chance in this house!

Marriedinwhite unfortunately it's not that kind of organ, I suspect is one of those electronic/synthesizer Bontempi type things.

totem would the schools take second hand recorders? If so that's a thought. As DD is 5 months it might be a while before I need one.

As said it's the hoarding for some long that it is no longer useful for charity I hate.

If she keeps all this stuff in the loft ......the celings due to come down any day .

Word of warning for the hoarders. My parents had rather a lot of stuff in their loft - nice furniture and things which had been moved from both my GP's house and Great Grannie's flat, but which wouldn't fit in the main house.

However, when they had their loft conversion done a few years ago, it turned out that it was a good job they had taken it all out and sorted it, because the builders had to strengthen the joists and pull up very saggy ceilings from the first floor before they could do the loft conversion and if it hadn't happened, most of the ceilings would have gone!

They are much better now at keeping things (I hope) and at least we know what's up there.

I would just take it all, thank her sweetly and bin/charity shop/ebay it. I'm sure a school would take the recorders - maybe put them through the dishwasher first though!

I was going to say, you might not have a choice about recorders - you may not like the noise (I certainly don't!!) but if my nephews are anything to go by, recorder lessons at primary school are still a bit of a fixture :(

However if your DD is 5 months you definitely don't need a recorder yet!

Having a good giggle reading this thread.

All of my ILs are like this. We moved house 2 weeks before DD was born (bad idea, I know...). A week later, while we still had boxes all over the place, SIL showed up and dumped virtually the whole contents of her attic in our spare room "in case it might be useful for DD".

This included:
Two cots (we already had one, that i had bought the right sized mattress for)
Random bits of plastic that "probably were part of an outdoor toy DN once used" (WTF??)
About a dozen bin bags full of all DN's outgrown clothes, ages 0-5.
loads of other stuff I can't remember (have blocked it out)
It was actually impossible to walk into the room once she had finished.

Bear in mind that WE DON'T HAVE A LOFT OR A GARAGE.

So at 39 wks pregnant I spent the evening shipping it straight to the local recycling centre. And have had grief from the ILs for it ever since.

...and the crap STILL keeps coming.
I sound like a right ungrateful arse now, don't I? Some of it was probably OK, but I was a week from dropping and did I mention we don't have a loft?

what happened to carriage return?

I can NOT see the point of keeping all this shite. My ex-MILs had no need for a wheelie bin because they kept everything. Milk cartons etc, washed out. WHY WHY WHY? In case of WHAT ??????
When they got a new kitchen, they kept the old one in the garage - In Case.
In case you ever need to pop it back in, obviously

Why would you take it and then spend time sorting it out wellwisher? I sort out my own junk, I don't sort out other people's. I have a job, family and social life to occupy my time.
I would just say "no thank you" very politely and refuse to take it.
I think dumping stuff unasked for on people is rude. I'll sometimes take stuff down for my nephews first but will always ask my brother "do you want x y z" first rather than just foist it on them.
Suspect if the house was a mess I would have told SIL to take it home with her as the house was a mess and I didn't want more stuff until I'd sorted out what I'd got and when the house was tidier I could maybe come round to her house and discuss which bits would be handy.
Using a relatives house as a rubbish dump for stuff you don't want isn't being helpful it's being rude.