To wonder if MIL will EVER chuck this shit out!

[CheshireDing]

The conversation yesterday went something like this...

MIL: We have 5 recorders in our loft, do you want them for DD?

Me: No, give them to charity

MIL: But they are DH's (my Husband not hers) and when DD starts to learn the recorder you will not need to buy one

Me: I hate the sound of the recorder, most people can't play it, she will have to pick a different instrument

MIL: We have an organ of DH's too, would DD like that?

Me: No, give it to the charity shop. I don't want the organ, musical instruments have probably moved on a bit since the 80's, I don't want the 5 recorders, by the time she might want a recorder they will have been in your loft 35 years fgs, chuck them out

MIL: Do you want a lawn mower? We have 2 in our loft?

Me: No, I have one.

Also wanted to say "why the fuck are there 2 lawn mowers in your loft when (a) you have a garage (b) you don't have any grass?"

She said she is doing an itinerary of shit in the loft for DH to say if he wants, DH has been telling her since we initially moved abroad to chuck it out. I have told him he needs to go, take the tat and then throw it away himself. Please tell me I am not alone in this tat-offering-infested-hell-hole.

Offer to split 50-50 the profits if you Ebay the lot (plus whatever else is lurking in her loft un-needed), and then Freegle anything you can't Ebay.

Hmmm I say ignore those who say ignore those who say you don't sound nice. They're obviously just the sort of people who repeatedly mistake AIBU for am I being nice & feel the need to tell everyone to make themselves feel so superior & clearly better than mere MN mortals. :o

I can understand about the bedclothes, hoover parts and lawnmowers but kids love having musical instruments to play with even if they're not 'learning' them - I'd have snapped up the recorders (and the lego!!) and said no thanks to the inappropriate stuff.

DPs dad does this a lot. He once foisted 3 jars of random rusty screw and bolts on us. Thanks but we've already got plenty of our own crappy rusted screws at home!

I'll have the lego!

I'm getting a lot of this with my DM. She's the wartime generation who know about make do and mend from bitter experience. Be gentle with her.

Size 22 ball gown!

Lost the plot on the ignoring people who ignore people who ignore people etc .

Although my thread did get a mention on the right hand side of Mumsnet. Am now famous :) ??

We get this too from all of DH's family. A recent conversation between DH and MIL:

MIL: Have you seen this film (shows DVD)

DH: Yes, we watched it at your house.

MIL: Oh well do you want it?

DH: No thanks. It wasn't that good.

MIL: Keep it anyway.

DH: It's ok. We don't have time for films at the moment anyway (had just had new baby)

MIL: Well keep it anyway!

We always end up with the stuff no matter how emphatic DH or I are in saying no. Sometimes it seems like these conversations would go on forever if we didn't just relent.

It happens with FIL and Sil as well. We have the feeling that they think we are really hard up. We're not loaded but we have enough to get by and would rather save to buy new furniture (for example) that will last us years to come.

I wish I had this. Mil died 18years ago and DM hasn't kept anything from when we where young. I actually find it quite sad that there is nothing left from when me and my brother where kids.
I vividly remember when I was about 15 DM skipping all my old soft toys, dance trophies and things like that. Apparently I was too old for them and she had no room to keep them there was 3 of us in a good sized 4 bedroomed semi. DFIL is a different story though, doesn't try to push stuff on us, but when he goes it is going to take us months to sort out all the shite, his house is bulging with it.

If you only have horrible things to say, sometimes it's better not to say anything at all.

I find it both sad and exasperating that there are so many hoarders out there. My DH kept a petrol lawnmower our neighbour gave him in our loft for years. He preferred his own push type one, but still kept the other one 'just in case '.
I think you were right to be firm, OP.

Just say no - not everything from the 80's is useless

I'm with Tidy and Ping - don't moan just stick with your boundaries.

She probably keeps it all 'just in case' - that is a very different mindset to the one we have today where everything gets chucked.

I hear you sister.
My MIL has given us (amongst a myriad of other things) bags of used nylon socks from when dh and his siblings were their age, so over 30 years old, and been through 4 house moves . In fact, she now gives such things directly to the dc so that it's harder for me to remove and bin them (I do it when they reach the wash now).
On other items, dh has taken to just saying yes to it all, as it's our way of helping her get them to the bin, as she can't do that herself evidently.

I also learnt some years ago not to pass anything on to her, as she'll offer it back to you again one day. You know, 30 year old duvet cover that I was sick to death of, got offered back to me when dd1 moved out of a cot... she does it to dh's siblings too, not just us.

I'm not that happy with dh's tactics though, as a fair few 1" full of noxious chemical bottles seem to linger about our workshop instead of reaching the tip...

Hubby's Father is just the same (probably worse actually) He has a habit of visiting the local tip on the way to visiting us and picking up a trailer load of things we may need at some point in the future - hoovers that don't work, broken chairs, ugly ornaments, dead peoples clothes the works. It's a nightmare!

My DM is a terrible hoarder. She lives in a fairly large 4-bed bungalow with a converted loft which runs about 3/4 the length of the house. It is FULL of crap, absolutely full. Newspapers from the week Princess Diana died, 20 year old Hello magazines, every bit of shite that the neighbours have thrown out in the last 20 years (carpets, beds, broken TVs etc) downstairs is the same, every room & wardrobe is full of crap- fabric scraps, clothes that fit nobody and are 30 years out of style, animal medicines that have been out if date for 15 years.

My sister and I have a pact that when DM eventually drinks herself into the grave we're just going to set fire to the place and let it all burn.

my MIL does this too.
she is an utter shopaholic, so if we say for example that we're thinking of buying a new dining table, she will try and foist hers upon us so that she can buy a new one.

I'd go for "No thanks, that wouldn't be any use to us / we don't have room. I'm sure someone would like it though." Then suggest charity shop / eBay / Freecycle. I like the idea of the poster who suggested ebaying yourself and splitting the proceeds.

DHs entire family are hoarders.

I am not a hoarder and like to have space and drawers which are not full of stuff! So they come round and think "oho she has lots of room she can have all this stuff". I always just say no thank you and smile. BUT what they do is bring a bag of stuff round and leave it somewhere for me to find later. Things like old books and free CDs from newspapers. It's really annoying!

Also have the musical instruments thing.

They once prevented me from giving an old saucepan to the charity shop, they were horrified that I would even consider giving something away!

accept it and do the donating to charity/skip run - she just doesn't want to be the one to do it and can't bear to let go herself

My MIL secretly puts bags of things in our car just before we leave.

I have to say - when MIL died and we cleared her house - 16 skips - yup 16. I mean, what do you do with 16 sleeping bags with broken zips??? and tupperware, 30 years old. None of it was fit for recycling.

Albums and albums of photos - norlabled, ot of people - of peculiar things like topiary hedges .... but nonetheless they were her memories.

She was the archetypal 'war mentality' though - everything had a purpose, or would do one day. Thus it was kept "just in case"

My MIL tries to palm off crap onto us all the time at christmas she has several empty tins of choccie and the tubes for twiglets etc

MIL: would you like these to store the kids toys in
ME: no thank you we have enough storage
MIL: are you sure? they will be handy for the little bits
Me: no thank you
MIL: oh I will try and come up with a use for them but only if you don't want them.....

My MIL is a very tidy hoarder, all are cupboards are packed but very neatly. She has kepted everything from SIL and DH's childhood. The only annoying thing is she will ring up and say for ex. do you want some soft toys and I will say no got enough thank you. Next time DH goes round there with the kids they will come back with said crap as she will show them and they then want soon goes in the bin though

YANBU - it's hoarding by proxy and it's really difficult to deal with. There was a very icy atmosphere when we turned down a hulking, dark bookcase that MIL didn't want to throw away because it had sentimental value to her, but didn't want in her house as she wanted more space. Her solution was that we would have it in our (smaller) house.

MIL - at the last count had 27 kettles, irons, etc in the garage (all broken). There are three broken lawnmowers in the shed, endless pairs of shoes that are worn out but might do one more wear one day, she has never thrown out an item of clothing since she got married - 54 years ago, there are endless rolls of old bits of threadbare carpet that are good enough to do "poor people a turn". She also has all her dcs exercise books from secondary and all of their books from childhood. She offered us a flute once and told me not to buy one because she could look out sil's. She got round to it after about six months and it was too broken to repair - by then I had spent about £100 on rental!

OP - but what I don't understand is how she has an organ in the loft - does she live in a cathedral?

YAsoNBU

And anyone who thinks you are has no experience dealing with hoarders. Dh is one, I honestly think if he was single he would be swimming in old boxes, magazines and broken electrical items.