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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking off shoes

211 replies

Dolcelatte · 10/03/2012 05:24

AIBU to wonder what the etiquette is for removing shoes when you go to someone's house? Obviously you would remove dirty boots or trainers but what about kitten heels or more everyday footwear? I know that in certain cultures it is customary to remove footwear but would you do it as a general rule? I have noticed that some people do and some people don't (I don't actually mind at my house - I already have children and dogs to ensure that the floor receives plenty of cleaning!). Just wondering....

OP posts:
FelixCited · 10/03/2012 05:32

I didnt, but then had a baby and now always take off my shoes at home and at others.

Tis a pain to find and wear matching socks tho

surroundedbyblondes · 10/03/2012 05:32

I always do it! My lovely wooden floors are scratched to buggery from bastards who don't take their shoes off...

We also have 2 kids and a dog and I hoover every day. But I really don't like the thought of all the gross stuff that people walk in being trodden into our house where we have a 16 month old pottering around putting everything in her mouth.

I am so used to doing this now (it's the norm where we live also) that I find it strange when I see people with their shoes on indoors.

LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 10/03/2012 05:35

I always ask tbh. My house is no shoes, my mums is shoes but I now tend to take then off through habit at mine.

Piggles · 10/03/2012 06:10

I take my cue from my hosts where possible - if they trample inside in their shoes then I leave mine on. If they carefully take their shoes off at the door then I follow suit.

If I arrive somewhere with no host setting an example and no heap of shoes in the hall to guide me then I just say something like: "Ooh, your carpet is nice, I'll just slip my shoes off so I don't make it grubby," or "Don't want to scratch your nice wooden floor, I'll just take my shoes off." Then they have the chance to wait and let me do so, or tell me not to worry and leave them on.

ZonkedOut · 10/03/2012 06:16

I would take my shoes off if they are wet/dirty, if the host has, or if they ask.

We don't ask that people take their shoes off in our house, but they often do (probably because we do).

Shangers · 10/03/2012 06:41

everyone takes there shoes off here - it's become a total habit for me now (less cleaning - whoo hoo!) and I generally do it in other people's houses too.... quite often I've taken them off before I realise noone else has and I look like the shoeless weirdo!

I like people to take theirs off when they come over but if they don't do ti without asking I wouldn't ask them to.... i'll just make sure that the floors are cleaned afterwards - and for things like parties I wouldn't expect people too. I actually think it makes you more relaxed though!

TheMerchantOfVenom · 10/03/2012 06:43

This thread won't go well. Grin

We take ours off at home, but I always stop guests from taking theirs off when they visit, as it's awkward to be shoeless at other people's houses, and their comfort is more important than my floors.

I think anyone who makes guests take their shoes off is, well... it's a bit lower middle class precious and cringeworthy, IMO. :-/

PoultryInMotion · 10/03/2012 06:53

I don't actually mind shoes in the house, but it's nice when people ask.

What really bothers me is my neat freak friend who would never let anyone cross her living room threshold with shoes on, is happy to walk all over my house in her shoes. Yes her carpet is much nicer than mine, but mine is still cleaned and vaccumed prior to every visit so looks reasonably respectable. she also lays a blanket down on my carpet for her pfb to lie on but I haven't quite figured that one yet

Sparklingbrook · 10/03/2012 07:08

Oh no. A shoes on/off thread.

The following will be mentioned-

Dog Poo
Guest Slippers
Manky feet
Being shoeless ruining the look of an outfit
It being a culture thing.

And many, many more. Grin

woopsidaisy · 10/03/2012 07:10

These threads tend to go about 50/50. And there will be some extreme views on both sides!Grin
I am an indoor shoe wearer. And I would no more ask someone to remove their shoes than I would ask them to take off their clothes! However, if I was in someone else's house and they asked me to do it, I would,no problem. But I would think they were weird!Grin
I wonder if this is an "English" thing? I live in Ireland, and in my whole life I only ever went to one house where you were asked to remove shoes-and I mean,the family would have keeled over if you had worn shoesinto the house!Confused
My friends and I still laugh about that crazy mum 25 years later....

Spagbolagain · 10/03/2012 07:20

I always take mine off and prefer if people do, but not at a party or where everyone is dressed up.

As for putting babies on blankets- would pnt put my baby directly on the floor where there could be bits and small objects, it is unhygienic and I wouldn't lie on a downstairs floor myself. And its to cushion the baby's head a bit, to keep them warm and comfortable. Also it's to protect the carpet, babies are often sick. A blanket is perfectly reasonable IMHO, not pfb, every single person I know who has a baby does this in their own and other peoples houses.

surroundedbyblondes · 10/03/2012 07:25

my DMIL takes a pair of sparkly ballerina flats in her handbag to wear indoors and complete her outfit!!

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 07:26

woop- It is ime also an age thing. I am 47. Until last 10-15 years had only come across 1 person that wouldn't let people wear shoes of any kind in their house. And we all thought she was very precious.

If hosts aren't wearing shoes I ask if they want me to take my shoes off and then do so. But always think - shit I hope I haven't got holy/awful socks/tights on. At my house most people keep shoes on, but if they want to take them of fine.

Also agree sorry that there is a class dimension to this.

PoultryInMotion · 10/03/2012 07:30

spagbol She doesn't do it in her own house Grin
But perhaps you're right about the sick thing, I've just always been a bit Confused when she's done it, perhaps that coupled with the leaving the shoes on thing has made me oversensitive!

everlong · 10/03/2012 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kirsty75005 · 10/03/2012 07:35

I'd say:

if someone asks you to take off shoes in their house, do so.

if you want someone to take off shoes in your house, ask them to do so

if your host doesn't say anything then do as you please. If they are offended because you didn't read in their mind that they wanted shoes taken off you're better off without them.

sleeplessinsuburbia · 10/03/2012 07:36

Why would anyone ask a guest to remove their shoes? If you were worried about dirt couldn't you clean after they leave? I have been asked to once in my life. I was wearing lace up boots, carrying a baby and a large bag. I did wonder of it would have been easier to leave... Putting them on when I was leaving was also a pain. I would never let a friend be inconvenienced walking through my door.
Unless you're in Japan etc.

everlong · 10/03/2012 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 10/03/2012 07:45

These threads crop up with regularity. They never make any difference as people are entrenched in their opinions.
It seems to be on MN where people worship their carpets!
Having read about so many people who think shoes should come off I have thought maybe I was in the wrong and I have tried to take my shoes off when entering people's houses. They have all insisted that I keep them on. I am pleased about this because unless people have muddy shoes I really don't want them wandering around in bare feet or socks.
I take them off if asked, but in one person's house my feet never warm up, even in summer.
The one thing that I can't stand is being offered someone else's slippers-it is dire-don't do it!

sleeplessinsuburbia · 10/03/2012 07:48

So do people really choose carpets they don't want walked on? Each to their own I guess.

We take our shoes off but the floors still get cleaned daily because they get dirty.

Still wouldn't ask someone to take off their shoes if they were a visitor. We only do so I know where all the kids' shoes are in the morning.

sleeplessinsuburbia · 10/03/2012 07:50

exotic carpet worshippers! So it seems!

Threeprinces · 10/03/2012 07:54

We always take ours off, more because it's more comfortable but also keeps the house clean.

I'd prefer guests to take them off too (unless having a party with nice heels etc). I'd never ask them to.

I hate it when people ask whether they should as inside I'm shouting 'yes of course I do. Can't you see the pile of shoes thicko?' but I actually say 'no don't worry'.

Woodlands · 10/03/2012 07:57

People always offer to take their shoes off in my house as they see all our shoes by the door and our (very grubby) cream carpet, but I usually tell them not to worry. I always think it's a bit different if you're coming for a while but if you're just stopping by it's really awkward to take your shoes off and put them on again.

I agree it is age-related. I am on a committee that meets regularly at different people's houses, and everyone else is at least 50. No one ever takes shoes off or seems to even consider it. I always kick mine off because I can't bear spending an evening sitting on a sofa with my feet on a carpet with shoes on - it feels all wrong! Hope my feet don't smell.

exoticfruits · 10/03/2012 07:57

They seem to put carpets before people! I get the impression that you all take off your shoes, tiptoe in and admire the floor!
People are bound to take off muddy shoes- but they are adults and if they have arrived on a summer day in clean sandals it can be much better than wandering around in bare feet.

eppa · 10/03/2012 07:57

Well I have actually joined mumsnet to add to this debate so strongly do I feel about it!

I think the idea that somehow taking shoes off is "lower middle class" is ridiculously snobby - or maybe all you aristocrats out there have more money for cleaners and new carpets than me?

I always get people to take their shoes off as it is much cleaner that stomping outside dirt through the house, especialy if you have babies and crawling children. I would also always offer to take my shoes off in someone elses house as I think it is rude and disrespectful of their home not to.

This has been a bone of contention between me and my in-laws for a long time but they now do my bidding have come round to my way of thinking. At least now I understand it is because they think I am lower class!