Taking off shoes

[Dolcelatte]

AIBU to wonder what the etiquette is for removing shoes when you go to someone's house? Obviously you would remove dirty boots or trainers but what about kitten heels or more everyday footwear? I know that in certain cultures it is customary to remove footwear but would you do it as a general rule? I have noticed that some people do and some people don't (I don't actually mind at my house - I already have children and dogs to ensure that the floor receives plenty of cleaning!). Just wondering....

I don't think that people will ever alter (although I would hope they would stop offering slippers). It is an attitude. DH has never read MN and doesn't know that it is a contentious subject. I listen to him as people arrive and say 'I'll take my shoes off' and he is saying 'please don't-we are quite happy with shoes.'
I don't think that people's pride in their house should make people feel uncomfortable-a laid back, homely attitude is much better IMO. Friends and family shouldn't be on edge when they visit. I know a woman whose mother doesn't let her grandchildren past the kitchen!!

It's rude to wear a coat indooors? I didn't know that.

lesley if anyone kept their coat on at my parents house, they were asked,"Aren't yer stopping, then?"

Shoes off here in Hong Kong, of course. I don't really mind.

I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to take their shoes off. It just wouldn't occur to me that anyone would think a floor couldn't cope with a pair of shoes. If it's raining, visitors wipe their feet on the door mat on the way in.

I do agree with the age thing- I am 43 and only one family I knew when young asked that you took your shoes off- and tbh they were a bit twee. Even now, I know of no-one who asks me to do this.

However, since reading of this on MN, I will always ask if I should take off my shoes (and oh how glad I am when I am met with an incredulous 'No')

Which all goes to make it slightly bizarre that ds2 will remove his shoes as soon as he enters anyone's house!

I love these threads

I would never be offended if someone asked me to take off my shoes: I am polite, and I am their guest.

But I would think it twee and - well: rather common, I suppose. It would make me think it was the kind of family where dinner parties would have long, sustained chats about getting new granite kitchen worksurfaces fitted or whatever.

When I was growing up the only family that insisted on shoes off had a front room that was practically swathed in dust sheets for special occasions. The blinds were kept lowered to preserve the colour of the wallpaper, and I'll never forget that the piano (new when they bought it, but 15 years old) had pedals that were still wrapped in plastic to keep the brass shiny .

The vair, vair posh people I know would no more ask someone to take their shoes off than to divest themselves of their knickers.

It's nothing to get wound up about though!

Lesley33 - I honestly doubt there are that many people who would be so very distraught to have to take their shoes off. Personally its something I feel quite strongly about and everyone I know is aware of that. If they do not want to be "shock horror" barefoot or shoeless they are welcome to bring slippers or indoor shoes.

I'm not sure it is totally an age thing as my mum was the one who always made people take shoes off and taught me to do the same and she is in her 60s!

I love Joyce Grenfell. Excellent nn, Lumpy.

eppa - people on these threads have before said tehy hate having to take off their shoes. Distraught no, uncomfortable yes.

ime your mum was very unusual. I am 47. The only family I knew that did thsi when I was young - everyone would laugh and joke behind their back at their preciousness - sorry.

Thanks Milady!

kirsty - I don't think it is rude. Bit odd yes, although ime very usual in moody teenagers

I'm a "shoes on" person.

You just ask, no?? How can this be seen as complicated?
Who among us knowingly goes around with minging substances on our feet, anyway? We adults all try to keep our shoes clean, don't we?

I usually follow the host's lead, do as they do.

and oh how glad I am when I am met with an incredulous 'No')

I always get this response and am tempted to say don't you realise that there are families all over the country in fear of getting a dirty mark on their carpet! Maybe it is an age thing-I am older-we just clean the carpet.

Can't think of a house I go into where shoes are left on to be quite honest. Think it's a good discipline for the children to get into.... And it means it is not seen as an 'odd' thing to do if you go to the house of some-one of a different culture where it is a given.

In Japan so definatley shoes off. When I go back to the uk it does seem a bit disgusting to wear shoes inside. On a cultural note it is funny to see people walk the 6 paces from our entrance in slippers, then have to slip them off as the rest of the apartment is tatami! If you go to Japan don,t walk on the tatami in slippers or your host will be silently seething!

lesley I think you are right about it being an age thing. I'm 36 and when I was a kid the only shoes off family I knew was an Indian one (although it took me years to realise and they were too polite to say when we went round there - it didn't even occur to us). Literally no one else ever asked guests to take off shoes. I'd say it's still a minority of homes in which I have been asked to remove shoes, but it is more common now. As I've said on these threads before I dislike it. The shoes are part of the outfit. And my feet get cold. And I worry that my hosts have verrucas or athletes foot that I will pick up.

This is one of my biggest bug bears! I choose my shoes carefully to match my outfit so no thank you I do not want to sit around in bare (yuck) or stocking feet so that when I stand up my trousers are swimming around my ankles as now too long or my skirt that I thought looked nice with kitten heels now makes me look even dumpier than I already am!

I virtually beg guests to keep shoes on (unless dripping with mud, dog poo etc) as I do not want to sit and look at their mismatched socks, corns, ingrown toenails or to see them really uncomfortable...... phew feel better for that ..... rant obviously be brewing for a long time

I always take my shoes off. It really irritates me when people don't. I've always been brought up that way. It's just manners to me.

"as it's awkward to be shoeless at other people's houses,

I do just find in general that age and class do seeem to make a difference as to whether peopel ask someone to take shoes off.

I think it is an age thing.

It's not about worshipping carpets though is it?

But I would think it twee and - well: rather common"

All these generalisations are astonishing! I'm 53 and we never took our shoes off, but my mum wasn't at all house proud and a bit of dirt didn't bother her.

But - I have friends who range in age from mid 30s to mid 70s and in "class" backgrounds and it is accepted practice where I live to remove shoes on going into people's houses, or to at least ask. I always ask if I need to remove mine as I think that is good manners as a guest. The age and class thing is utter nonsense and I don't think it is twee or common. I also don't find it awkward to be shoeless in anyone's house

In my house we have a shoe rack by the door so people always take their shoes off when they come into my house anyway. I don't ask though, I leave it up to the guest. I have one friend who never removes her shoes, but I don't ask her to. I think she is probably self conscious about her feet.

Carpets can be a pig to clean and we inherited light coloured carpets with this house. It is expensive to get them professionally cleaned regularly and even more expensive to buy a new carpet. Hard floors are cold and unforgiving and I prefer to wear slippers in the house anyway. It just feels wrong to me to wear shoes in the house as they aren't anything like as comfortable as slippers anyway.

Mannerd has to be more than just what you were brought up to do though LST. Or other people (brought up differently) presumbaly think you're showing bad manners by removing your shoes!

Which is why I always ask first.

igggi that's why I said 'manners to me'.

And it's definatly not a class thing. I live in a council house and my family have all lived in council housing all there life

I really want to make a shoes on/off map of the UK to see is there are clusters of shoe-offedness around the country.
We all have our own experiences - mine would suggest Scottish and Irish people do this less than English people. And people with children do it more than those without.

I'm from the midlands. I think that would be a rather interesting map lol

I'm making my usual contribution to this circular discussion.

I think it is a generational thing. I'm in my early thirties. When I was a kid my friends and I were always asked to take our shoes off before going into each others houses to play. We are now adults and continue to do so. It probably reinforces it that a few of my friends both in adult and childhood have scandinavian and asian roots. In both cultures you don't wear shoes in the house.

I prefer not to wear shoes indoors and in fact tend not to wear slippers either but my current abode is very, very cold so I have relented and bought some nice warm furry slippers.

I find that most of my friends are led by the hallway - if they see a pile of shoes they will take theirs off if they don't they will keep them on. I'm genuinely not fussed what guests do but if they want to take them off (as I always do) then they are welcome to. The only time I insisted was in a rental property with solid wood floors which heels trashed. Stilleto/ metal tipped heels HAD to come off or I would have been charged masses when I moved out. This will probably have the outfit wearers in uproar but most of my friends are pretty relaxed about dress and mostly the heels would have been on for work not a chilled friday evening dinner party with friends.

I find guest slippers a bit odd but then I never usually wear slippers. My friends kids (5 & 2) have slippers drilled into them (cold draughty house) and get v. obsessed with making me wear them when I go there which is really rather sweet so I comply. I spend so much time at their house that I now have my own pair of crocs with 2 year chosen embellishments.