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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking off shoes

211 replies

Dolcelatte · 10/03/2012 05:24

AIBU to wonder what the etiquette is for removing shoes when you go to someone's house? Obviously you would remove dirty boots or trainers but what about kitten heels or more everyday footwear? I know that in certain cultures it is customary to remove footwear but would you do it as a general rule? I have noticed that some people do and some people don't (I don't actually mind at my house - I already have children and dogs to ensure that the floor receives plenty of cleaning!). Just wondering....

OP posts:
iloveminieggs · 10/03/2012 07:59

It's only polite to offer to take off your shoes or ask the house owner. My sil drives me crazy, she demands everyone takes off shoes in her house but quite happily strolls in with dirty shoes on to my cream carpets or pointy heels on the wooden flooring!

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 08:02

eppa - I am not judging by saying it is a class thing. I do just find in general that age and class do seeem to make a difference as to whether peopel ask someone to take shoes off.

And I do wonder if all these shoes off people will continue when they are older and have old friends/relatives like I do who struggle with arthritis, etc.

Himalaya · 10/03/2012 08:06

I always take them off at the door in my own house. Ditto at my mum's and ILs (but then usually staying the night, so all part of making yourself at home).

Most people I know have hard floors downstairs and carpet upstairs, so I usually keep them on. It does feel wrong walking around on carpet in outdoor shoes.

JaneMare · 10/03/2012 08:11

i hate feet and would rather people walk dog shit through my lounge than have them spread flakes of fetid foot cheese and cast their athletes foot spores for me to collect at a later date (usually the second they get up to leave)

and i empty the vacuum cleaner immediately after as well - can't have anyone elses germs festering away in there

sleeplessinsuburbia · 10/03/2012 08:11

Yep.

everlong · 10/03/2012 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProfessorSunny · 10/03/2012 08:14

I would always do it, it's rude not to IMO.

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 08:15

iloveminieggs - I am Shock at the cheek of your sil.

But until I became a mns I had no idea that some people think it is good manners to offer to take of their shoes. I am 47 and honestly taking off shoes is a fairly recent thing 10-15 years. Before then it was only extremely houseproud and fussy people who ever asked people to do this. So please, if you want people to take shoes off, then let them know this

sleeplessinsuburbia · 10/03/2012 08:16

Oh, lots of replies, I was saying yep to exotic.

So do people ask the elderly to remove shoes? Serious question. I'm really surprised by people's passion for clean floors and cream carpet.

sleeplessinsuburbia · 10/03/2012 08:18

And I do have a very expensive beautiful rug. Still shocked, it goes on the floor, we walk on it...

Annpan88 · 10/03/2012 08:20

I would always take mine off.

I went to my neighbours the other day to see about doing some work for them and they were so polite they told me I didn't have to take my wellies off ( I live on a farm and they had more than a small bit of cow shit on them) they have an immaculate house and a cream rug. I took my wellies off

kirsty75005 · 10/03/2012 08:23

@iloveminieggs. But have you told your SIL that you want her to take her shoes off? Or is she supposed to guess? Maybe shes just assumes - which seems to me quite reasonable - that anyone who wants guests to take their shoes off will ask them to do so and that if nothing is said you may keep your shoes on?

Maybe I've been out of the country so long, I no longer get this British thing where asking for something is demanding, but people are being rude if they don't anticipate what you want (but aren't saying because that would be demanding). Isn't it just easier to say "Would you mind taking your shoes off?" if that's what you want ?

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 08:23

I do feel old sometimes on threads like this. Because in my day.... we bought carpets bearing in mind that we didn't want stains or dirt to show easily. I have a light beige carpet put in by previous owner. And if it gets dirty or stained I clean it - thats what carpet cleaner is for.

But tbh I think carpets and stains are a bit of a red herring as many people with only laminate also ask guests to take their shoes off. Personally I am more than happy to do a bit more cleaning after friends have come round, than to make people feel less comfortable.

Oh and if you insist on guests taking shoes off can you make sure your floors are spotless. I am fed up of having dirty or dusty socks or tights after having to take my shoes off.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 10/03/2012 08:24

Shoes on here, would never ask anyone to take them off.

eppa · 10/03/2012 08:24

I don't really see it as "putting carpets before people". Its generally no hassle for someone to slip their shoes off and it keeps the house clean. After all who knows what has been stepped in outside.

You could just as easily say that not taking your shoes off is putting your want to wear shoes above respecting someone elses desire to keep their carpets clean.

Carpets do collect dirt and unlike a laminate/wooden floor it is not as easy to get mud out of them.

exoticfruits · 10/03/2012 08:31

It all seems rather pointless-no one ever changes their mind! The only difference that it has made to me is that I now ask and, without exception, everyone has asked me to keep them on. If they are muddy it is different and I just say 'I will have to take them off, I have been in mud'.
I think it rude to ask-they are adults and can judge the state of their shoes.

exoticfruits · 10/03/2012 08:33

Oh and if you insist on guests taking shoes off can you make sure your floors are spotless. I am fed up of having dirty or dusty socks or tights after having to take my shoes off.

An excellent point. If you have white socks they should still be white when you leave!

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 08:33

eppa - But you only have to read these threads to see that to some people it is a big deal. People have posted on these threads before about feeling uncomfortable being shoeless in someone else's house (quite common in older people where wearing shoes is part of being dressed); getting cold feet, being embarassed about state of feet/veruccas etc - especially suring summer when not wearing socks or tights, hating feet, being embarassed about smelly feet, etc

So ask people to take shoes off if you want. Just don't assume that it isn't a big deal to everyone. It might not be to you, but to some people it is. And they may be far too polite to tell you this.

blackoutthesun · 10/03/2012 08:35

nope shoes off at the door, its 'rude' to wear your coat inside so why not shoes?

also for the carpet worshippers, some of us live in rented houses so don't have the choice of not having a cream carpet in the hallway

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 08:35

exotic - Yes I now do this. But I know what yoy mean. I have NEVER read a post where shoes off people say they have altered their behaviour one little bit.

sharenicely · 10/03/2012 08:38

It's polite and good manners to take them off.

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 08:38

black- I have had people come into my house and sit down wearing their coat. These have been moody teenagers, people who are very shy, or just a bit odd. I think it is a bit strange. But I am happy to let them sit with their coat on if they want to - although I do check with them the house is warm enough e.g. are you cold, shall i turn the heating up?

But I am very sociable and like guests to feel welcome

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 08:39

share - Hvae you read any of the other posts about how many people hadn't come across the shoes off thing till mns?

But I am NOT going to spend all day here, so will leave you to this now.

ithaka · 10/03/2012 08:41

I think it is an age thing. I am not bothered either way, DH likes people to take shoes off (I think he is uptight arse, but in fairness he is the one that hoovers and clean the floors), but my 70 year old mum will not comply!

It makes DH twitch, but as a well brought up bloke, his respect for an elder woman is greater than his desire to keep the floor clean. He has one or twice tried asking very nicely 'would you mind taking your boots off, they are a wee bit muddy?' and she always charmingly replies 'of course, no problem, I've just popped in for a minute' and NEVER DOES. It always makes we snort under by breath when she comes round. Go mum!

BrandyAlexander · 10/03/2012 08:42

Shoes off in my household. Yes, everyone thought and said we were being precious when we first recarpeted but several years on they have stopped moaning. We have lots of guest slippers that regular visitors know we put through the wash after they have been worn and we change them each year. We also got each member of the family their own slippers that is in a different box that no one else wears. Despite having a baby and toddler, my lovely cream carpets still look fresh and so I don't actually care if anyone thinks I am lower middle class or common as muck or hoity toity for a) wanting my house to look nice and b) not wanting my crawling baby to be picking crap off the bottom of peoples shoes to eat.