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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking off shoes

211 replies

Dolcelatte · 10/03/2012 05:24

AIBU to wonder what the etiquette is for removing shoes when you go to someone's house? Obviously you would remove dirty boots or trainers but what about kitten heels or more everyday footwear? I know that in certain cultures it is customary to remove footwear but would you do it as a general rule? I have noticed that some people do and some people don't (I don't actually mind at my house - I already have children and dogs to ensure that the floor receives plenty of cleaning!). Just wondering....

OP posts:
neverputasockinatoaster · 10/03/2012 11:02

We are a household of 'non shoe wearers'. This is because DS, DD and myself would much prefer to be barefoot at all times! We all have issues with our feet. DS has ASD tendencies. DD hates shoes and I find shoes painful. DH came from a shoes off at the door house - his mum still keeps slippers for him at her house.
I would never ask a guest to remove their shoes, in my opinion it is rude and inconsiderate and could lead to a guest feeling uncomfortable. If visiting others I tend to keep my shoes on unless I see a big pile of shoes by to door or if the host is shoeless. If I have been treking through the mud I would remove my shoes, that's just common sense. DS and DD shed shoes on the doorstep as they are usually so relieved o take them off!
I once had a childminder who had a 'shoe free' house. I would be expected to remove my shoes at the door while holding DS and his bag, she never offered to take anything from me, then I would carry DS through to hand him over and then exit via my shoes. 'Twas a right pain when I was in a hurry to get to work. 'Twas even more of a pain on the day I had PE first thing and so travelled in PE kit with 'real clothes' in a bag to change into at break. ON other days I wore slip on shoes.
My MIL has a shoe free house but she would never dream of asking anyone to remove their shoes. Hers is a comfort thing I think. I know I go shoe free there but that is because I'd wander around in bare feet all the time if I could!

takingiteasy · 10/03/2012 11:05

It isn't so much a class thing, more a Hyacinth Boquet thing. If guests are so much of an inconvinience for you, don't bother having any!

I have wooden floors, steam mopped a couple of times a week. I do cringe at the muck that comes off and wonder how dirty people's carpets must be.

On the whole we don't wear shoes in the house but I don't make guests take theirs off. Many friends will pop in for a cuppa and kick there's of as they curl up on the sofa for a chat. That's what I prefer, friends and guests feeling comfortable.

I've asked one friend once, she had a pair of heels on and the metal was poking through and in danger of leaving little dents all over my floor but we were getting ready for a night out and it was no big deal for her to pad about barefoot for a while whilst getting ready.

takingiteasy · 10/03/2012 11:08

LumpyLatimer I know what you're saying. It's like people buying a new sofa and keeping the plastic on it!

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 11:11

eppa - I don't have corns, etc. But I guess you can wear sandals wear these don't show when you have them on. Just repeating though what mns have said on previous thraeds like this. Certainly my DP hates taking shoes off as DP has very smelly feet - anddoes do everything to try and tackle this. So DP does find it embarassing.

TanteRose · 10/03/2012 11:18

I'm in Japan, so obviously the norm here Smile

when I go back to the UK to visit, most people my age (43) seem to take shoes off, but my parents' generation definitely do not

mrswoodentop · 10/03/2012 11:35

I didn't mean that I would judge on this basis but my mothers generation definately would ,same as fish knives ,notepaper and serviettesGrin

My MIL would no more take her shoes off than take off her twinset ;struggling to imagine it actually

MustControlFistOfDeath · 10/03/2012 11:38

I tend to take socks with me when I visit our Polish friends houses in summer (strictly no shoes indoors). Nightmare to co-ordinate sometimes with naice floral dreses etc Grin but I would NOT want to inflict my bare feet on their carpet.

Hullygully · 10/03/2012 11:38

I like to walk dog poo and mud and fag ends and heavy metal residues all over people's floors.

Some people haven't even got floors.

god. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE FLOORLESS?

MustControlFistOfDeath · 10/03/2012 11:39

wtf are dreses? dresses even

motherinferior · 10/03/2012 11:39

We all take our shoes off but we are Forrin.

usualsuspect · 10/03/2012 11:40

You can take your shoes off or leave them on in my house ,I'm not fussed

exoticfruits · 10/03/2012 11:45

I always thought that Hyacinth Bouquet was a joke-not that she had perfectly normal behaviour!

ohyouBadBadkitten · 10/03/2012 11:50

I always take mine off. I dont ask guests to but they always do. Except my parents. they have always kept them on.

Bunbaker · 10/03/2012 11:51

"Where are all these shoeless people?"

In south and West Yorkshire. Those of you who keep shoes on in your own homes, don't you find them a tad uncomfortable? I much prefer to wear slippers indoors anyway.

The claims that we put material goods before guests' comfort is just ridiculous.

And to the kitten heel wearer - when my friends pop round for a coffee they don't tend to spend ages co-ordinating an outfit to see me. They just come as they are. Obviously a party would be different, but we don't have parties.

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 12:18

No I find it more comfortable to wear shoes and wear them until I go to bed.

My DP's family are farmers and yes it is routine for farmers to take wellies, etc off at the door - but that is because they are muddy, etc. My FIl would not take the smart shoes he wears to go out, off at someones door.

Also I have a pile of shoes by the door. This dores not mean I want people to take shoes off- we don't. This just means that in our house the porch is the storage area for shoes.

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 12:19

bun - But you are putting material things before guests comfort surely? If guests would prefer to keep their shoes on but you ask them to take them off because of your carpet, then you are putting your carpet before your guests.

FilterCoffee · 10/03/2012 12:21

But why does it matter if there's a little bit of dirt on the floor in your house (within reason of course)? We have immune systems and are not designed to live in sterile bubbles.

FatherHankTree · 10/03/2012 12:29

We take ours off because we all much prefer to walk around barefoot. I don't worry too much about shoes downstairs, we've got a dog and she can't take her paws off.

We've got neighbours who make their dog wear little indoor shoes to protect their floors.

sleeplessinsuburbia · 10/03/2012 12:36

I'm so amazed, I literally had no idea so many people want their visitors shoeless.

It's not as simple as slipping your shoes off as stated before- bags babies and laces are a hindrance.

As for people not caring, I have a health problem and my feet are very sensitive to temperature. On top of this I have a weird hate of my feet. You have no idea how difficult this simple request would be for me on some days. And I would not discuss my health with most people. As I asked before, are elderly people asked to remove their shoes as well? I'm really interested, as I said, I had no idea people did this.

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 12:38

Someone else further up said they asked their 70 year old mother to - although she never did.

My SIL gets my parents in their late 60's to take their shoes off. My mum has a painful hip and slight arthritis in her fingers. She can comply, but it does hurt her and she does complain to me about this.

Hullygully · 10/03/2012 12:45

We don't wear shoes indoors

Up to guests to do or don't

ifancyashandy · 10/03/2012 12:47

Bun, I take my shoes of of at home purely for comfort - not to protect carpets or floors. If a guest wanted to do so for the same reason, I would have no problem - for it would be about making them comfortable, not about me feeling anal about clean furnishings.

If I visit someone, I will have considered my outfit & my shoes would have been part of that consideration. Hence I would feel uncomfortable removing them. And would assume those coming to my house would feel the same.

eppa · 10/03/2012 14:02

The trouble is it comes down to a dilema that is it worse for a host to not care about their guests feelings about not taking shoes off OR is it worse for a guest not to care about their hosts feelings of keeping their carpets/house clean and respecting their hosts house?

For example if sleeplessinsuburbia came to my house she would be justified in saying that I was rude if I made her take her shoes off despite her health problem. But at the same time surely I would be justified in saying that she was being disrespectful of me and my house if she refused to take her shoes off!!!

I have definitely learnt something today as I honestly would never have thought before that anyone would have a problem with taking their shoes off

undercoverPrincess · 10/03/2012 14:06

We all take our shoes off in the house and in others houses BUT I wouldn't really care what a guest did as long as they weren't totally caked in mud etc....

Bunbaker · 10/03/2012 14:10

"If guests would prefer to keep their shoes on but you ask them to take them off because of your carpet, then you are putting your carpet before your guests."

I stated in an earlier post that I don't ask people to remove their shoes. Although round here, removing shoes seems to be the default setting. Like Hully we don't wear shoes indoors because we are more comfortable that way. I leave it up to guests to do what they want.

"If I visit someone, I will have considered my outfit & my shoes would have been part of that consideration"

Do you only ever visit people on formal occasions? Do you never pop in to a friend's house for a coffee and a chat? I don't expect my friends to dress up in co-cordinating outfit and shoes if they are only coming round for an hour on a Friday morning for example.

eppa You have hit the nail on the head.