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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset at masseuse insulting my body?

120 replies

TheEpilator · 09/03/2012 09:47

Went for a 'lovely relaxing' massage yesterday. I was a bit self-conscious about being nearly naked in front of a stranger, but once I relaxed it was I was feeling really chilled out, until she said that I shouldn't put on any more weight as my ankles would be damaged from the strain of "carrying all that weight around."

I am size 16, so I know not exactly sylph-like, but now feel really pissed off that my relaxing hour of pampering made me feel paranoid about my body. I spent the rest of the session feeling really conscious of the fat wobbling as she pummeled it and left feeling really tearful (still am today). Should I complain to her?

OP posts:

SlipperyNipple · 09/03/2012 09:49

Yes you should complain. That is out of order unless you were asking for medical opinion she should have kept her mouth shut.

Was it a medical session - as in physio or just for enjoyment?

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2012 09:51

Sorry it's made you tearful

I'm not sure she actually 'insulted' your body (though I can see why you might think that)

It sounds more as though she was genuinely concerned.

Still, it's probably not her place to say something like that if the massage wasn't for medical reasons.

LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 09/03/2012 09:51

Yes you should that is disgusting behaviour and very unprofessional.

WilsonFrickett · 09/03/2012 09:54

You should absolutely complain. Masseurs have no medical training whatsoever, it's not their place to make medical judgements or diagnoses. You pay a fairly substantial amount of money in order to relax. Complain.

We had a similar situation when a beauty therapist made a comment about a friend's skin, we complained to the head of the spa and got a fairly substantial discount, she was and very pleased we'd brought it to her attention.

Original poster

TheEpilator · 09/03/2012 09:58

Oh yes, she mentioned how dry my skin was too - just to make sure I realised that I am totally hideous!

It wasn't a medical/physio thing, just a nice 'treat' that my friends got me for my b-day (haven't told them as I don't want them to feel bad!) so she really didn't need to say anything, but maybe she was trying to show how well-informed she was about the body as she said several things about ligaments and tendons etc.

Glad its not just me who thinks she was out of order though, thanks x

OP posts:

Sarcalogos · 09/03/2012 10:10

Totally out of order. Complain.

DeathBeforeDecaf · 09/03/2012 10:16

It's not her place to say things like like that. She's a fucking massage therapist, not a qualified Doctor. If anything, you turn on the charm if you want a customer to come back!

could be losing a lot of revenue if this is how she speaks to people. Point this out to her when you complain.

PandaWatch · 09/03/2012 10:19

Did she just say it out of the blue or had you said you are getting aches and pains in your legs? Whenever I've been for a massage the masseuse always asks if there's any particular trouble areas so just thinking maybe she was trying to be constructive (despite doing so in a very bull in a china shop way!)

InvaderZim · 09/03/2012 10:43

Mentioning dry skin -well at least it's something the massage will help with! Was she trying to sell product?

FlossieTeacakeShouldFakeIt · 09/03/2012 10:45

You don't need to be a qualified doctor to know anything about the body, massage therapists do have to learn a fair amount about anatomy and physiology. Obviously not loads, but enough.

Your comment about her comment on dry skin leads me to think you may be being over sensitive. Dry skin is exactly the sort of thing that beauty/massage therapists are likely to comment on, it's an observation, not an insult. She probably just wanted you to know that whatever oil she was using would be good for your skin.

I don't think the comment about your weight was an insult either, more just common sense.itmay have been unnecessary, but I don't think it's worthy of a complaint against the poor girl.

Did she bring up your ankles out of the blue, or did something prompt her to comment?

Proudnscary · 09/03/2012 10:51

Fucking hell! You serious? She'd be the one in tears if she said that to me!!!

imnotmymum · 09/03/2012 10:53

I am speechless !!

ifancyashandy · 09/03/2012 10:54

Was it at a Spa or some such place (as opposed to at her / your house)? If so, complain to the manager.

I once had an appalling massage (for different reasons - she was just baaaaaaad at it), I stopped it, told her why (politely!) and told her manager.

She got more training. I got a free treatment.

DramaInPyjamas · 09/03/2012 10:55

yanbu at all, complain.

WilsonFrickett · 09/03/2012 10:56

Yes Flossie but the nature of their training means that they know enough to perform a massage without hurting you, not that they can tell you you're obese and that's why your ankles are hurting (sorry OP). No matter how much they know about anatomy and physiology (and some of them in the sports area know a lot) they aren't allowed to give you their opinions in a Swedish or beauty type set-up.

OrmIrian · 09/03/2012 10:57

When you are having a massage you leave yourself vulernable. You need to feel 100% comfortable with the masseuse. That comment wouldn't help!

And a 16, unless you are very petite with tiny bones, is hardly big enough to pose a threat to your ankles unless there are pre-existing conditions.

It's up to you whether you complain. I think I might just avoid her in the future.

IAmBooyhoo · 09/03/2012 10:58

defi itely complain. i couldn't have conti nued with the treatment after hearing that.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 09/03/2012 11:00

I would complain - absolutely. It was a treat for relaxation, not a bloody medical appointment. She was completely and totally out of order.

Mrsjay · 09/03/2012 11:02

How dare she really not on that she is supposed to be a professional , I think you should either complain or not go back or maybe both ,

SamuelWestsMistress · 09/03/2012 11:04

I absolutely BET she was going to try and plug some ridiculous herbal weight loss thing to you!

It won't be anything to do with you being a size 16, that's hardly elephant sized but probably she knows it's the right body shape to try and flog some useless product to because most women above probably (and very sadly) a size 10 are completely paranoid that they're carrying too much weight.

chandellina · 09/03/2012 11:07

That is outrageous! My osteopath seemed a bit obsessed with my weight in pregnancy, but I wasn't seeing her as a treat. I would complain.

MrsTwinks · 09/03/2012 11:07

abso-fucking-lutely complain! rank out of order!!

and, besides the point, incorrect for my money. I AM obese, I have appaulingly crap ankles and a medical podiatrist (as in she starts her name with DR) has never once mentioned that losing weight would be better or my weight may have caused it. Reckon shes trying to sound impressive tbh.

tethersend · 09/03/2012 11:07

You paid someone to call you fat?

Complain.

chipmunksex · 09/03/2012 11:08

How horrible for you.

This must be what they're all thinking anyway though, no amount of money, wild horses, tea from china etc. would ever get me to have a massage.

chipmunksex · 09/03/2012 11:10

It's a good point, my podiatrist never suggested I lose weight either, i even asked her and she said I have just developed a way of walking that puts a strain on my feet.

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