Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU to be upset at masseuse insulting my body?

120 replies

TheEpilator · 09/03/2012 09:47

Went for a 'lovely relaxing' massage yesterday. I was a bit self-conscious about being nearly naked in front of a stranger, but once I relaxed it was I was feeling really chilled out, until she said that I shouldn't put on any more weight as my ankles would be damaged from the strain of "carrying all that weight around."

I am size 16, so I know not exactly sylph-like, but now feel really pissed off that my relaxing hour of pampering made me feel paranoid about my body. I spent the rest of the session feeling really conscious of the fat wobbling as she pummeled it and left feeling really tearful (still am today). Should I complain to her?

OP posts:

Aribura · 10/03/2012 00:02

Yes size 16 tends to be fat but that's not really the issue, is it. Even if OP is fat it's a bit harsh to point it out at a massage. The dry skin comment is normal though imo.

DaPrincessBride · 10/03/2012 00:27

This thread is making me feel stabby. OP YANBU, I would have been mortified. I'd drop her a note saying how her comments made you feel (as it may genuinely have been a passing comment she didn't think through).

Pusheed · 10/03/2012 00:29

Merely butt ugly as opposed to fucking ugly, thank you very much. But that doesn't detract from the fact that size 16 is fat.

As for the masseuse being rude, a properly trained masseuse is not just someone who is an expert on slaping on some oil and rubbing it all over your body. What the massuese said to the OP fell within the job description.

Ok the masseuse could perhaps had been more diplomatic but she was handing out medical advice which, as it has turned out, was neither wanted or appreciated. But come on, all this outrage and talk about complaining and writing letters is so OTT. I suspect most likely the outrage is coming from size 16 ladies who are a bit sensitive about their own ankles. Am I right ladies?

SydSaid · 10/03/2012 08:50

If there is one thing that being a massage therapist for 17 years has taught me, is that all bodies are beautiful. I would not disagree that some people would benefit from losing weight (I include myself in that), but it's not my place as an mt to dish out comments on size or weight. I do give advice, usually restricted to ways of easing areas of muscle tension for themselves, but the advice is always relevant to what the client has said.

For the record - i'd rather massage a size 16 person than a size 6. Not that I would tell a size 6 client that! when someone is very lean the deep style of massage I practice is a bit harder to do. Thankfully they seem to appreciate it just as much.

karismatik · 10/03/2012 09:08

Why does it matter so much to you Pusheed whether anyone is a size 16 or not?

beatofthedrum · 10/03/2012 09:08

Unpleasant and unkind, pusheed.

imnotmymum · 10/03/2012 09:13

"It just means that you have fat friends" and what is the problem with that exactly Pusheed ?? I have size 6 friends, size 16 friends and I was not going t pander to your smug, annoying, winding up postings but I would have size 32 friends than someone as so judgemental as you. Let's hope it does not rub off onto your kids!!

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 09:21

I know someone who developed ankle problems due to their weight. He was about 6'5 and massive, well over 20 stone at a guess.

It is not a dead cert that someone who is a certain size (which is pretty meaningless anyway as sizes vary so much and change and it depends on height etc) will develop problems of the type my friend did. That is a bit of a stretch TBH.

And even if OP was 20 stone it is not the job of a masseuse in the pampering / beauty industry to make comments about it.

YANBU

How did you find out about her?

imnotmymum · 10/03/2012 09:28

You are right about dress sizes totally irrelevant. Today am wearing size 12 jeans and a 10 top, Yesterday size 16 skinnies and a size 6 top ?? Am I any smaller today than yesterday ??

Original poster

TheEpilator · 10/03/2012 12:03

Sardine it was a prezzy from my friends (Groupon voucher) and they both said it looked lovely and they wanted to try it! One of them is - shock horror - probably the same size as me, so I hope she doesn't get the same comments, but I don't want to mention what she said in case they feel bad for sending me there! The other friend is prob a size 8 but she still doesn't mind being seen in public with me

Syd thanks for the inside info and thanks also for mentioning that massaging someone who is a bit well-covered isn't a totally hideous experience for you!

OP posts:

SydSaid · 10/03/2012 13:56

Oh crikey - I've massaged much larger than size 16 and it's never been a hideous experience! The only hideous experience was one rather fragrant client, who was well overdue a shower. I would have commented on that (in a 'please come back whe you've had a wash' way) - expect for the fact I know they would have taken offence and it was my then boss's wife...

HorseyGirl1 · 10/03/2012 14:39

Actually, some beauty therapists can be a bit bitchy too. I work outdoors (farmer) and went to beauty salon re: tan for my wedding. She said something about my complexion being a bit weather-beaten (OK I'm a bit ruddy but I'm not exactly scarlet!). I thought cheeky bitch and never went back after having gone there regularly for 10 years! Vote with your feet -no one should pay to be insulted.

tangerinajolie · 10/03/2012 16:46

I think it was a not very well though out, inappropriate and unprofessional remark that warrants an email or note to let her know how it made you feel...

I do not think though that she deserves the flogging and stoning some people here seem to think!!

(Would hate to upset any of you guys!)

Icelollycraving · 10/03/2012 17:36

I think it was a tactless thing to say. If it has upset you so much email them if poss. Sorry you feel so sad about something booked as a treat.
Massage & a lot of beauty therapy is very intimate,not many situations where you are undressed in front of someone not medical. It wouldn't matter if she did the best massage in the world after that.
As sidsaid explained it is much easier to massage someone more fleshy than someone very slender. A good therapist knows about the feeling most women would feel unrobed & go out of their way to be confident & to put their client at ease. Their job,repeat business & tips rely on good manners as well as a good massage. For those saying masseurs know v little about anatomy,you would be suprised at the studies required.
Please don't take it to heart,I've given & had many massages & treatments in my time & no one has ever made me feel sad. I'm a size 20,so a 16 is a dream!
It could have been worse,imagine if you'd had a Brazilian & she had remarked on a big old fanjo trying to lighten your mood

HooverTheHamaBeads · 10/03/2012 21:55

YANBU about the 'any more weight' comment

YABU about the dry skin comment and therefore do sound oversensitive.

ArtVandelay · 10/03/2012 21:56

Oh dear. I just got sucked back in by Pasheed.... No I'm not a size 16, I just believe that size 16 is not shorthand for fat/ ugly/ let yourself go to the dogs. I'm a lifelong very slim person actually but once I was an enormous pregnant lady and that taught me a shit load about being huge, how that affects your life and what it feels like to not be able to stop eating or lose weight. And I understand that other people have feelings. So frankly I don't care how supposedly big or unhealthy someone is, it doesn't give anyone the right to be rude.

jooood · 10/03/2012 22:16

I would reccomend you inform the salon manager about this . The therapist may need a little training in what is and is not appropriate.
I am in the industry and would never in a million years dream of saying these sort of comments to a client.
The dry skin is maybe slightly different. I may comment on severly dry skin, but in the case of 'The skin on your legs seems a little dry at the momment, this oil will really help to hydrate and nourish'.
Similar to how I might advise a cleint on their skincare routine during a facial. It is all a part of the treatment to give feedback and aftercare advice.
However in your case it appears that she just made a comment for the sake of it.
Sorry you had a bad experience.

TheCrackFox · 10/03/2012 22:16

It wouldn't matter if the op was a size 32 the masseur should have kept her bloody trap shut. She is running a business and repeat customers are the key to running a profitable business. Who is going to return if they have been insulted? Frankly the masseur sounds like a fuck muppet.

giraffesCantDonateBoneMarrow · 10/03/2012 22:19

What a cow.

Original poster

TheEpilator · 11/03/2012 10:28

Icelolly

Hoover I didn't mention the dry skin thing originally, as i know that's a reasonable thing for her to mention, but on top of the weight issue it was just something else that could have been phrased better to sound helpful or understanding rather than derogatory.

everyone else thanks. I know I have taken to heart what was probably a well-meaning but badly worded comment. As she is working for herself I don't want to damage her business by bad-mouthing her, but will vote with my feet and perhaps recommend that my friends try someone else if they fancy a treat.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread