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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset at masseuse insulting my body?

120 replies

TheEpilator · 09/03/2012 09:47

Went for a 'lovely relaxing' massage yesterday. I was a bit self-conscious about being nearly naked in front of a stranger, but once I relaxed it was I was feeling really chilled out, until she said that I shouldn't put on any more weight as my ankles would be damaged from the strain of "carrying all that weight around."

I am size 16, so I know not exactly sylph-like, but now feel really pissed off that my relaxing hour of pampering made me feel paranoid about my body. I spent the rest of the session feeling really conscious of the fat wobbling as she pummeled it and left feeling really tearful (still am today). Should I complain to her?

OP posts:

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 09/03/2012 11:10

Definitely complain. She is not paid to make judgemental comments like that, she is not a health professional.

Original poster

TheEpilator · 09/03/2012 11:11

It was at her house shandy, so no-one to complain to except her (not sure I'd have the balls to do that in person anyway, would have to be an email.)

It was a Swedish one Wilson, so not sports massage or anything. As you say, a lesson anatomy was not really necessary!

OrmIrian - think thats what upset me the most, I felt so vulnerable anyway and that really just hit a nerve! I have massive bones so will never be petite, no matter how much weight I lose.

I do appreciate that my ankles will be taking a hammering carrying my huge bulk around, I just didn't think she was the person, or that was the time, to be telling me that!

We had discussed that I go to the gym, so she was aware that I am trying to take care of myself, I'm not one of those people who need hoisting out my chair with a crane! Maybe she thought that meant I was open to criticism?

proudnscary

OP posts:

Pusheed · 09/03/2012 11:17

:o Sorry but if you are size 16 then it is a bit late to be paranoid about your body.

I recently went to a masseuse because of back pains. As well as giving me a nice massage she also gave me some advice on my posture (I work in an office so I am seated a lot)

If you think of the masseuse as just a person who gives you a pampering massage then yes the comment can come across as rude. But if you think of her as a health care provider then the comments were from a professional that was concerned about your health.

WilsonFrickett · 09/03/2012 11:19

But she is NOT a healthcare provider! You can learn Swedish Massage in 8 days!!!

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 09/03/2012 11:20

Sorry but if you are size 16 then it is a bit late to be paranoid about your body

What the actual fuck?

She was booked for a swedish massage, not a therapy. End of.

bibbityisaporker · 09/03/2012 11:20

I would send her a letter telling her that she will lose a lot of custom if she criticises her patients' bodies like she did yours - and that you certainly won't be using her services again. Then I would name and shame her on your neighbourhood internet forum, if you have one.

imnotmymum · 09/03/2012 11:21

Pusheed that is so out of order !!! why should a size 16 be paranoid about her body !!!

ArtVandelay · 09/03/2012 11:21

Dry skin comment - fair enough. The weight one is not okay though. Size 16 is not exactly massive either really, especially if you are tall. Unless she's a proper health person - Dr, Nurse, Physio etc. she has no business pointing this stuff out, she sounds a bit up herself.

giveitago · 09/03/2012 11:21

I guess this massage was for beauty reason - call and fucking complain. You weren't a patient but a client.

Jeez - I'm a small size but covered in middle aged wobbly fat and she'd have probably said the same thing to me regardless if I were overweight or not but just because I'm not a taut muscled young thing.

If you feel the need to complain then do so - if you have a health problem you can go to your GP.

Original poster

TheEpilator · 09/03/2012 11:22

Yes Wilson, I didn't see it as 'healthcare', more like going to the hairdressers. If you went for a hair cut and they said "you don't want to put any more weight on or your fringe won't suit you anymore" you'd be a bit put out wouldn't you?! They may be right, but its not their job to give you diet advice.

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 09/03/2012 11:22

pusheed, stupid comment!Even with the icon you come across as a bit of a cow.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 09/03/2012 11:24

Total not 'oversensitive' to be at that HORRIBLE remark.

ShatnersBassoon · 09/03/2012 11:24

Sorry but if you are size 16 then it is a bit late to be paranoid about your body

You'll need to explain this, I don't understand what you mean.

Proudnscary · 09/03/2012 11:24

Epilator - I bet you are perfectly gorgeous as you are. Fuck her - but yeah dob her in and get a free massage!!

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 09/03/2012 11:25

Health care provider my ass.

Original poster

TheEpilator · 09/03/2012 11:25

Someone give Pusheed a

OP posts:

ArtVandelay · 09/03/2012 11:25

FWIW my Granny was a size 16, she was very thin but also 5'10'' with a large skeleton. Size 16 can mean a range of body types.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 09/03/2012 11:26

I'm givin' her several . Size 32 by end o thread.

imnotmymum · 09/03/2012 11:28

There was a thread the other day that I went purple on as it was the consensus that a size 14 was fat and I was deluded !! God give us a break and even if I am a size 22 what has it got to do with some stupid masseuse who I am paying her bloody wages!!
Thank you Art it has got to do with body size at last a normal person !!!!

Proudnscary · 09/03/2012 11:29

Ladyharriet - ha!

Original poster

TheEpilator · 09/03/2012 11:29

LadyHarriet she won't eat them, she'll stash them away under her bony derriere.

OP posts:

whoknowsme · 09/03/2012 11:29

You went for relaxation and you got wound up.

That is not acceptable.

I'd write her a note explaining and suggesting that in future she doesn't make badly judged personal remarks to her massage clients as her trade may be "damaged by the strain" of these comments.

ArtVandelay · 09/03/2012 11:31

theepilator my German hairdresser told me the other day I had to grow my fringe out because (deep gutteral accent) "Your face is too wide, it looks not good" Thats a cultural difference and also I was expecting some sort of criticism as she often tells my friend she is going grey, going bald or putting on weight. But she only charges us a tenner so we put up with her.

samstown · 09/03/2012 11:35

I really dont get it when beauty therapists, hairdressers etc act this way - talk about making damn sure the client will never come back. Its one thing to say that you have dry skin if you are there for a specific skin consulation, but I think that her comments where far too personal and you should definitely complain - how unprofessional!

I remember me and my sister used to go to a hairdressers which was run by an aquaintance. The girl that did my hair always used to make really loud and unhelpful comments about the condition of my hair and how many grey hairs I had for such a young age (thanks, I already know ). However, the final straw came when one day my sister was getting her hair washed in there and the girl found some head lice (my sis worked in a nursery at the time). Instead of just discreetly letting mysister know and asking her to come back when they had been removed, this girl declared her discovery so loudly that the entire hairdressers heard. My sister left in tears and neither of us ever went there again. I really hope the manager tore a strip off that girl for doing that though.

We now both go to a lovely (expensive!) chain hairdressers, where the stylists are really helpful and nice to you (and never mention my greys unless I do!)

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 09/03/2012 11:36

i have been insulted so many times by hairdressers.

One recently recommended a shampoo for 'aging' hair. She may have even said 'elderly.' I'm 41 and look bloody good for my age, sod off you. £18 as well. A sale she did not make.

A hairdresser in Italy once refused to cut my hair the way I asked. "Layers are not in in Italy." Oh okay then, just do exactly as you please.

Honestly - feeling very worked up on behalf of OP and bossy 'beauty people.'

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