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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have had a complete hissy fit try to get DS1 up and out to uni?

123 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 09/03/2012 09:40

I'm shouting at him.

He knows were he is ment to be and he is not there!

I even used the word's 'I don't care , get your ass out of bed , get dressed and go to uni'

AIBU doing that though? Should I just leave him to it?

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 09/03/2012 09:42

You should leave him to it. If he can't be arsed to go, he'll be chucked out.

StrandedBear · 09/03/2012 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzysnout · 09/03/2012 09:46

If he's at uni he should be taking responsibility for himself. Lets be honest, if he wasnt living at home he would be missing plenty of morning lectures like a normal student However if it gets to the stage where he is in danger of failing / being thrown out you would be quite within your rights to suggest that he then sorts out his own accomodation / bills.

SlipperyNipple · 09/03/2012 09:46

Yeah but it's not really just his problem. When he is just sitting round the house with no job and prospects it's not like Cream will be happy watching it.

I think a bit of pushing is probably a good thing. But if you have to do it everyday then you are on a loosing streak.

EvenBetter · 09/03/2012 09:56

He's an adult, what time he gets out of bed is entirely his responsibility.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 09/03/2012 09:59

strandedbear the double bed arrived about 3 weeks ago

I hate shouting at him (and his girlfriend)

I even said 'Do you think I'm enjoying this , do you think I'm doing it for the sake of my health ........I don't even know what that means!

OP posts:
timetoask · 09/03/2012 09:59

People grow up and take responsibilities seriously at different stages. If I were you I would push him, not just leave him to it. He needs help with his motivation, I would never give up on my kids, his future is at stake.

redskyatnight · 09/03/2012 10:00

Leave him to it. It's up to him to plan his work pattern. You wouldn't have a clue what he was doing if he wasn't living at home. I used to sometimes plan to miss lectures because I'd scheduled to do other (mostly work related) things that day. He'll probably be able to get the notes from a friend.

RuleBritannia · 09/03/2012 10:01

If they have paid upfront for his fees or taken out a loan for them, he should get up and do his best so that their money is not wasted.

CharminglyOdd · 09/03/2012 10:04

Leave him to it, mostly as he's an adult now and needs to pass/fail under his own steam. If it's his first year it may not count towards his final mark (depends on the uni) so it may be a good opportunity to let him sink or swim without any really radical consequences.

I appreciate that's easy for me to say, being detached from the situation. My Mum still offers to call and wake me up if I need to be somewhere important and I left home seven years ago ... I think it's a Mum thing :)

Mrsjay · 09/03/2012 10:07

OH no please stop shouting on him to get up he really is a big boy now , My dd is awful at getting up when she isnt at college but the days she goes she is great up and out the door most days on time , If he is late then that really is his problem not yours , go and have a cuppa or go out and leave him in his pit , He needs to learn to get up and out Smile

SlipperyNipple · 09/03/2012 10:10

OK I have misunderstood.....I thought we were talking a level age.

If he got through a-levels and got to uni then you just have to let him get on with it. Don't shout. It is up to him.

StrandedBear · 09/03/2012 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjay · 09/03/2012 10:11

creamola have you had threads going about a girlfriend moving in uninvited ? just trying to see if its you or not ?

MrsMuddyPuddles · 09/03/2012 10:14

What StrandedBear said. It's time to cut the apron strings let/force him to grow up a bit.

Do you to be the mum yelling and telling off and basically treating a 30 year old, successful child like a naughty 12 year old? best to start letting him take responsibility.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 09/03/2012 10:20

yes that's me MrsJay

I have two 18 year olds to deal with now .

They are seriously a hell of alot easier to deal with when they are younger

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 09/03/2012 10:22

you do know you need to throw them out to stand on their own feet dont you but you wont do that its hard i guess , My dd is a PITA she is the same age , I would stop pandering to him though

mojitomania · 09/03/2012 10:23

What you're doing will probably be me soon Sad

It's started already and he's only 14. I'm one of the getting up, giving them breakfast and getting them out of the house brigade.

I really couldn't just leave him to it. See it as part of my job.

squeakytoy · 09/03/2012 10:24

As has been said to you countless times already, they are taking the piss massively. They are adults, behaving like children, and they have you for a complete mug.

They are old enough to be standing on their own two feet, and you are a fool for allowing them to walk all over you like this.

It is YOUR house, and they appear to have no respect for it, or for you either.

You would be doing everyone a favour if you tell them they have to go.

QuintessentialyHollow · 09/03/2012 10:29

You are enabling them both.
Start by throwing out his girlfriend, you are enabling two layabouts to fart about your house in the day.

If she was not there, he would have NO reason to stay in bed. You have given him the best "get out of Uni fast" card, by letting him have his girlfriend. He rather shag than educate himself.

TroublesomeEx · 09/03/2012 10:29

Creamola Having a case of deja vu now....

I can tell you exactly what everyone's going to say, except that you've heard it all before.

In fact I read the OP and thought "fucking hell, why is she doing this? If he doesn't want to go to university he'll get chucked out, blah, blah, blah" and then I saw your name and thought "Oh right. That's why".

You are being taken for a fool and I'm beginning to think you might be enjoying the drama of it all a bit too much. Please don't take this the wrong way, but what else have you got going on in your life?

Between them taking the piss out of your regarding rent/housekeeping; the bed; the whole cat debarcle; this and whatever else I've momentarily forgotten about... what the hell is going on in your life?!

You need to stop this now and take control or stop posting on here about it, because frankly, I can't take anymore!!!! Shock

QuintessentialyHollow · 09/03/2012 10:30

"I have two 18 year olds to deal with now ."

That is purely down to you and your own choices, though.

shelscrape · 09/03/2012 10:30

Part of going to uni is learning to be an adult, to take responsibility for your own actions. I can understand it must do your head in if DS and the uninvited gf doss around in bed all morning. Tell him you will not take responsibility to get him up in the mornings, it's up to him. He's legally an adult, let him be one and make his own mess ups.

I hope the univited GF pays you board and lodgings, if not tell her to sling her hook!

QuintessentialyHollow · 09/03/2012 10:30

I have said this to you before: Stop living your life through your teens.

TroublesomeEx · 09/03/2012 10:32

Ooh creamola I could come and give you a big shake!!!!!

What do your other friends/family say about this situation?