To wonder why MN has turned into such a bitch fest recently.

[Lucy88]

I have been coming on MN on and off for about 2 years and have always found it to be very useful for reading others advice and asking others for advice, reading reviews and getting holiday advice. There will always be times when people will disagree or not like other peoples advice, but I have been truly shocked recently at some of the posts I have read.

I am quite an outspoken person (in real life), but do try to adhere to the mantra of 'Don't put anything online that you would not be prepared to say to anyones face' but OMG even I have been surprised at the amount of bitchy, nasty responses some people have received on here recently.

I know that it is difficult when communicating just through the written word, as there is no body language or intonation to always give the correct message, but some posters really do think it is ok to be really nasty and make personal comments. Name calling seems to be the 'in thing' at the moment and I have to admit, that I just don't get it - not from grown women.

The majority of people who make these types of comments, probably wouldn't dare to say these things to people's faces, but think it is perfectly ok to do it online.

Can we at least have a week where we think about what we post and if we can't post anything constructive and polite, then perhaps don't post at all.

Youarenotsilly, you are making some very valid points.

You are not silly.

AIBU has actually been pretty good natured and fab today. These things do pass.

Yes, I suppose it makes sense that the drunkards are the worst-behaved.

Maybe all the spliffs going round helped today, who knows?

I was going to say earlier that after a little absence I had not noticed more bitchiness than normal. In AIBU I expect a bit but thought that this was the place for letting off steam and it was generally the form to be polite in the other areas. Then I went round and read some threads and was very surprised by some of the behaviour of a minority.

I really do think it is a bit different at the moment. Like everybody has had an espresso too many.

I've read a lot of this thread but not all of it.

The spliffs would probably put an end to the black-and-white thinking too.

Expand your mind, man. Peace. Love. Other people have other opinions, and they may not be wrong.

From another perspective, though, the other thing that irritates me is when, after a fairly robust exchange of views, someone is accused of bullying or being a bully.

Just because people might disagree fairly violently does not mean that bullying is happening.

There are some very supportive topics, step parents, bereavement , conception although occasionally someone strays on to other topics with an AIBU mentality they usually get reminded where they are.

AIBU is different, it's not somewhere serious topics should be posted and if someone does posters usually tell the op to have it moved.

Biwi, its the language and the put downs that accompany the robust exchange of views that are the issue. And I can point you to at least one thread where a poster is told to leave because of their opinion. Its going on. Numerous people have complained about it. But its still happening.

You can have a robust exchange of views and totally disagree. But you should still have a level of respect. In certain cases that has completely broken down between posters because of the language rather than the argument in question.

The film "Mean Girls" is a really good explanation of bullying.

This book, Queen Bees & Wannabees - Helping Your Daughter to Survive Cliques is fantastic, and should be required reading for all parents - if only to understand what dc have to put up with in the playground. Think it was referred to upthread. You can "search inside" it on Amazon.

There's lots of stuff on the internet as well.

Anti-bullying advice.

If people are being told to leave because of their opinions, then they must, must, must report it to MNHQ. I can't understand why people don't do that more often. MNHQ cannot be expected to be on top of every thread.

And yes, I quite realise/accept that put downs and language can be bitchy. But it's not bullying.

People on here, IMVHO, are too quick to shout 'bully'.

BUt very definitely yy to the idea that we should respect each other. PARD should be everyone's ambition/mantra.

.... and therefore it must be reported.

May I suggest everyone reads the Amazon Reviews thread. AIBU at it's best and take a spare pair of knickers.

I have seen at least one post from MNHQ this week saying that they are snowed under dealing with stuff. Which suggests it really has been a bit weird. Who knows....?

I am thinking of introducing the following check rules before posting is allowed (imagine a flow chart please):

1. Is it nice?

N = go to 2 Y = post

1. Is it funny?

N = revise and resubmit Y = post

If answer Y too often to Q1, consider NM.

I think MN is quite a nice place if you are:

a) a bra-burning feminist
b) a trendy liberal
c) atheist

If you are not all of the above then expect to be accused of hate crimes on a regular basis. :o

People are very often told to leave the site and go elsewhere - in fact, to fuck off to Nethuns.

Is that reportable?

Isn't that just below the report threshold?

Which is worse, for a poster to bully, or to say she feels bullied? (I do realise that's a hard one.)

Which is worse, for a poster to bully, or to say she feels bullied?

Really good question. Usually the answer would be clear. On MN - not so much.

If you feel bullied, you feel bullied - although I think sometimes people are too quick to shout that they are being bullied simply because people won't agree with them/criticise their posts, etc.

But always, always report to MNHQ.

Everlong, seriously, that book about Queen Bees is fantastic, and very clear. It explains everything.

I agree totally, MissAnnerseley

It really is a dystopia.

I think it's because it's getting busier.

More posters mean the "old timers" feel the need to assert their presence. In doing so they get bitchy, rude and basically massage each others egos and give virtual high fives when a less known poster questions their posts and are struck down by the mn grandmas for it (or told to fuck off).

That's why

I imagine the majority are when they see this on the boards. Most CBA making a point though. That might upset the old gals

I do think people are too quick to shout bully, and I see it is often those who like to do the bullying who shout " bully" when they are being bested.

The ones I never know what to do with are the finessed attacks - those continuous, snide/pa, not quite direct insult attacks, post after post - clearly designed to make you lose your rag. No one of them is reportable, but it's a faff to put 10 together and they look more innocent out of context.