To wonder why MN has turned into such a bitch fest recently.

[Lucy88]

I have been coming on MN on and off for about 2 years and have always found it to be very useful for reading others advice and asking others for advice, reading reviews and getting holiday advice. There will always be times when people will disagree or not like other peoples advice, but I have been truly shocked recently at some of the posts I have read.

I am quite an outspoken person (in real life), but do try to adhere to the mantra of 'Don't put anything online that you would not be prepared to say to anyones face' but OMG even I have been surprised at the amount of bitchy, nasty responses some people have received on here recently.

I know that it is difficult when communicating just through the written word, as there is no body language or intonation to always give the correct message, but some posters really do think it is ok to be really nasty and make personal comments. Name calling seems to be the 'in thing' at the moment and I have to admit, that I just don't get it - not from grown women.

The majority of people who make these types of comments, probably wouldn't dare to say these things to people's faces, but think it is perfectly ok to do it online.

Can we at least have a week where we think about what we post and if we can't post anything constructive and polite, then perhaps don't post at all.

Some very good opinions on here agree with your everlong`s posts kindered poster.

That is the best way to answer a post Pagwatch , though you get the wind up merchants wanting to cause trouble it can descend very quickly

Some of the point downs get boring they get over used after a while .Off you go dear is patronising as is off you got to netmums.

Also Point scoring over long standing mumsnet membership.

May I just state my purely personal opinion that disagreeing with someone, even when you do it forcefully, does not make you a 'bitch' or (in one of least favourite use of words) a 'hater'

I have come across quite a few threads here where the OP has posted a somewhat unreasonable post. People have told them they are unreasonable. And after a few pages the words 'bitch' and 'hater' are being bandied about. i genuinely don't understand it. Over the years I have seen some very nasty threads where things get personal and verbally unpleasant in the extreme. I can honestly say I've not seen anything like that here recently.

Just because a group of people agree it doesn't necessarily mean they are a claque. It could mean they are right!

I know. But I do suspect that a clique is what somebody being disagreed with calls the disagreers! Unless they a being disagreed with by feminists in which case they are humourless harridans.

At the moment I am finding that:
Loads of 'new posters' are starting semi-controversial threads and everyone is taking them seriously and arguing
Far too much stuff is being posted in AIBU when it fits another board much better - and the malign spirit of AIBU sets a tone which is insidious across the site
People seem to carry grudges and make digs from one thread to another. It's bad form, and means that half the time on a thread you are dealing with hidden agendas.

For me it's not about who's royalty and who isn't. And there are cliques - which is fine if they are not being tits.

There are some well known posters who are acting like power crazed eejits.

There are tons of other Royals (like Pagwatch) who are fab, great, funny and insightful.

It's okay for us all to admit some posters are well known and well loved!

Very good last point, Blu. It makes threads nonsensical unless you know what on earth the hidden agendas are. For which you probably need a series of PMs.

And anyone who has time to deal with an inbox full of PMs as well as everything else is sad indeed. IMVHO.

Far too much stuff is being posted in AIBU when it fits another board much better - and the malign spirit of AIBU sets a tone which is insidious across the site

I've only been on for about 9 months, I like AIBU most, for the sheer variety of topics and views so can't comment about the rest.

I haven't seen a change in AIBU, though I can see cycles, and I think I see continuous trend for people from niche topics to post in AIBU and then come over all shocked - they post to get the traffic, but then get upset when the they see what the traffic has to say, as it typically differs mahoosively from the comfortable niche topic culture/opinions.

I am wondering if this is increasing and is what is causing the perceived "change"?

Full moon?

Moon cups?

I think there are far too many boards and some of them don't get much traffic at all. So I understand why people post in AIBU or chat instead of a niche board.

It just means people feel anonymous and don't have to stand by the things they said last week, last month.

Or feel less likely to be bullied... or pigeonholed...

I feel able to be more honest as a namechanger. I stand by everything I say. I just don't want to be defined by it or let it influence others when I talk about other topics. It lets me feel safe when I have suffered internet harassment before. I do not feel ok, to say personal things that can be connected as easily under a single name under a single search.

Its not being a bitch to others imho. In fact quite the opposite.

Anonymity has its place and is very valid and can be very helpful. It can also obviously be abused - but the positives outweigh the negatives in my book. I would not be still using MN if the option was not available.

Whatmeworry Fri 09-Mar-12 06:37:00
I have found that more and more posters are finessing a level of continuous unpleasantness just below the reporting threshold.

This. If there is unpleasantness its because it is because this type of bullying is not being dealt with appropriately.

I think that there a lot of people who are too set in their ways and project to much on other posters. Too much yapping and not enough listening (reading). The two ears, one mouth idea...

Instead of suggesting step by step approaches or alternative ways to deal with things and open lines of communication, the default is to say "abuse" and then have a go at everyone else who is more pragmatic/ takes a step back/ tries to give a more unbiased or devils advocate response. Its not helpful to anyone for that culture to exist on MN. I take it with a pinch of salt, but I do think about all the things I could post about what the default MN response would be and how much room is 'allowed' for other voices in the mix. Instead you very quickly get a negative label pinned on your head. And how if I did post that, whether it would affect my RL relationships in a negative way.

MN should be about a range of ideas/views and supporting others. Instead its more about being "right", taking the moral high ground, pursuing ideological agendas and are generally inflexible/pragmatic about their approach. Its far too black and white, and not enough stuff in the middle is 'allowed'. And in the mix, the poor bastards who genuinely need help, not judgment are getting screwed over.

taking the moral high ground, pursuing ideological agendas and are generally inflexible/pragmatic about their approach

These are the ones who in my experience are most finessed at the "just under the radar" rudeness.

Youarenotsilly I agree with you about the name changing thing. I think it does work both ways. I can totally understand why some posters want to name change.

whatmeworry, I could go through certain threads and pick out very obviously bullying remarks with great ease. But its pointless to try and report them, and nothing is done. Its a real shame as its totally killing debate. And its pointless in making comment about it really as it just starts yet another bun fight. I do feel this is the heart of the problem on MN though.

everlong, you make the assumption that it hasn't been reported.

Deleting posts does very little either. The posts can often be there for a good while before being removed. In the meantime the person they are aimed at has seen them and the conversation has moved on with others joining in. Posts that are removed can still affect the direction of the conversation and the tone of it.