Don't flame me for starting another BF debate but is BF after age of 2 more about comfort than nutrition?

[doradaisy]

Work colleague admitted today that she still BF her almost 4 year old, she did so with all her DC up to age of about 4. Another more blunt friend replied with 'come off it, for god's sake that's mad' kind of thing. Said BFing work collegue went on a rant about how WHO recommend up to age of 2 and beyond and how she could count with one hand the number of times her children have been on antibiotics, and how cow's milk is SO bad for children and really unnatural, etc, etc and the comment (which annoyed me a bit) that 'her children could not turn around in years to come and blame her for bad health'... We were all a bit silenced and she looked relaly embarrassed.

I piped up that I thought WHO recommended til 6 months, as I did for my PFB DD. I also mentioned my DTwins, 18 months, only got BF for 6 weeks (as pediatrics recommened formula due to jaundice, etc) and have never been on antibiotic

Am just a bit put out at the ranting and her seriously defensive tone and her total moral high ground about it all. I said, in a measured tone, that if she'd decided to BF for so long it was more about 'comfort and less about nutrition'. Am I fair?

I get on quite well with her, but feel like she was fighting a losing battle to convince us. I can see she's doing the right thing but also said 'she knows it's not our cultural norm' - sounds like she's trying to be a bit controversial, no?

Each to their own of course, but why was she being so defensive?!

(goes to hide under a table and wait for the fighting to start )

I bf my dcs for a year, then they didn't have milk really. I don't really know why but I think bf a toddler, a walking talking toddler makes me feel quite uncomfortable and think it looks wrong. But I am aware that this is my issue and wouldn't expect to inflict it upon others, I'll just look away.

Posie my ds is 5 and the thought of BF him seems wrong. But I fed him until he was 4 and up until then it seemed fine. It's gradual! If I saw a 3yo now I'd think they're too big to be BF, but my 2yo will be there soon and ill no doubt still be feeding her (despite the fact she claims not to be a mammal). It's all based on your own experience. Some women don't like the thought of BF at all, even a newborn, bit that doesn't mean the women who do it (the majority) are wrong either

I don't think you are wrong, but I feel it's wrong or makes me uncomfortable...... but it's none of my business and accept that I may well be a bigot!! It's a strange gut verses head thing!! And I do see how it gradually happens.

I have no problem with people feelig that was and can understand it. I'd feel he same if I heard about someone feeding an 8yo to some extent, but I would hope my head would intervene and I would be supportive or just stay out (not saying you're not BTW, just a general comment about the people who like to pass judgement). And I do realise I'm hypocritical, BF till 4 'fine' but imposing an age at which o personally find it odd.

This is a WHO document on Complementary Feeding & the Bf child (aka introducing solids).

On page 18 is the different calorie requirements from complementary foods and breastmilk for 6-8m, 9-11m & 12-23m. There is two sets of numbers - one for developing countries and one for developed countries (I am assuming the UK falls into one of those categories ).

Developing Countries
6-8m need approx 200kcals from complementary foods + 413kcals from breastmilk = 615kcals in total

9-11m need approx 300kcals from complementary foods + 379kcals from breastmilk = 686kcals in total

12-23m need approx 550kcals from complementary foods + 346kcals from breastmilk = 894kcals in total

Developed Countries
6-8m need approx 130kcals from complementary foods + 486kcals from breastmilk = 615kcals in total

9-11m need approx 310kcals from complementary foods + 375kcals from breastmilk = 686kcals in total

12-23m need approx 580kcals from complementary foods + 313kcals from breastmilk = 894kcals in total

Now why would they bother to have two sets of figures if the remit for their recommendations didn't included the developed countries of the World (and this would include the UK, USA, most European countries, Japan, Canada, etc)? they are the WORLD Health Organisation not the Poor and Malnourished People's Health Organisation. We are all humans after all, regardless of the minor differences in appearance and geographical location.

A two year old seems huge but you don't notice them becoming huge because it happens day by day. My ds is going to be 3 soon, I remember thinking when he turned 2 I'll stop soon, but he didn't want to so day became weeks became months has become nearly a year

'I don't really know why but I think bf a toddler, a walking talking toddler makes me feel quite uncomfortable and think it looks wrong'

It's not difficult to work out why it 'looks wrong' to you. It's because you're not used to seeing it.

Prejudice towards pretty much any harmless behaviour always stems from ignorance and lack of exposure.

my daughter was 3 at the start of jan and im still bf a little in the eve.

of course its beneficial, maybe not life or death in the uk but beneficial still

*seems huge compared to a newborn

TruthSweet those figures are interesting - especially that in the developed world children should acquire more calories from milk!

bronze I'm the same - planned to feed until DS was 1, because he would be walking by then, then until he was 2, because he'd be able to ask for milk verbally by then, and now he is 2.5 and I am in no particular hurry to stop, but wouldn't exactly be gutted if he decided to self wean! He may be enormous compared to a newborn, but he's still only little, and I really haven't noticed him growing day by day - it's more every few weeks when we go 'those trousers were too long last month, why are they above his ankles now?!'

And for all those who like anecdotes over statistics - my DS is the only one in his nursery class who hasn't had chicken pox (2-3 year old room). Also the only one who is still bfed. Also, to the best of my knowledge, the only one who was licked on the mouth by a friend with chicken pox , and still didn't go down with it. It is highly likely that this is just coincidence, but who (not WHO) knows? I am happy to keep bfing him just in case it wasn't coincidence though, I have no idea how I'd deal with a poxy toddler at the moment!! :o

Also, the figures show that the WHO doesn't rec. stopping at 24m as otherwise there would be a lot of mothers with mastitis weaning cold turkey from 300-odd kcals of BM (which would be around 400mls of milk) so not an insignificant amount of bm. If they did rec. stopping at 24m the values at 12-23m would be a lot lower/nearly non-existant.

Plus the fat content of BM goes up the longer you bf for (past 12m) so at 12-39m the fat content was around 11% but at 1-6m the fat content was around 7%. More details here. Interestingly the study also notes that from an anthropological viewpoint 2.5 - 7y is the normal length of bfing for our species.....

I have now decided I don't want to stop, I wouldnt be able to eat cake anymore

Exaclt mw, what is essential. No child in the UK will die from not eating carrots but you'd quite rightly get a hmm face for saying they don't NEED carrots therefore you SHOULDN'T give ygm carrots. Why is this different? Wish someone would answer that specific question and convince me that its not because it involves a woman's breasts being sucked.

Of course it's about a woman's breasts, partly, but also about being 'babies'. That's why thumb sucking, having dummies, bottles anything is frowned upon passed a certain age. We like our babies to be independent but not let older children walk anywhere alone!!

past... [shakes head]

Breastfeeding, formula feeding - whatever. The choices you make as a parent are YOUR choices. We should all attempt to stop being so judgemental of these choices and support one another as PARENTS.

Rather than flaming the OP, we should thank her for asking the question. Because feeding choices are so emotive, many breast feeders (and I count myself as one) don't tell others that they still feed their baby beyond 6 months as they are scared of coming across preachy. The knock on effect of this is that its seen as weird or unusual or creepy or wrong to feed a child with teeth. Because people don't see it, they don't realise it happens.

My DS is only 9 months, so I'm not an extended breast feeder yet, although I plan to feed him as long as he wants it. But I'm already getting raised eyebrows and quizzical looks from friends when they do find out I still feed, and I find the reaction of others quite upsetting. I struggle to defend myself without offending anyone even though these people don't seem to care how offensive their judgements are to me. I find myself making excuses rather than saying what I really feel.

Breastfeeding, formula feeding - whatever. The choices you make as a parent are YOUR choices. We should all attempt to stop being so judgemental of these choices and support one another as PARENTS.

Bingo - the one thing that really impacts intelligence, health, growth etc etc is actually feeding your child. The "what" - assuming it is vaguely edible - and the how are very secondary.

Right, Whatmeworry, so stop banging on about breastfeeding only being essential in developing countries, then.

Of course it's about a woman's breasts, partly, but also about being 'babies'. That's why thumb sucking, having dummies, bottles anything is frowned upon passed a certain age.

ITA, somehow I was the worst mother EVAH for letting my almost three year old have a bottle of milk when he woke up in the morning (sat in bed groaning next to my husband nursing a cup of coffee and groaning too). However, said three year old is now almost 16 and miraculously isn't still a baby or special needs or still wearing diapers because SHOCK he had a bottle past the allotted time allowed for being a baby.

We get hung up about such stupid things.

Right, Whatmeworry, so stop banging on about breastfeeding only being essential in developing countries, then

My 7 posts in 170 is hardly banging on!

Btw, the very large number of perfectly OK non-bf babies in developed countries is testament to the fact that it is non essential.

Not sure at all about the health stats/WHO etc etc, and I do think people should lay off everyone else with regards to what is a personal decision. For my tuppenny-worth, I think I would have found it a bit bizarre to BF beyond about a year and both my DCs stopped naturally and gradually, totally 'timed' by them, DS at 9 months, and DD at 14 months. I missed it big time, but they were signalling they were less interested and were ready to move on and, now aged 12 and 9, they very are rarely ill but that might just be all the exercise and fresh homecooked meals they have . As toddlers, they were learning that mummy wasn't available all the time, daddy was there too, and there were things other than breasts that could be a comfort/distraction/interesting.

But, out of interest, re the comfort issue, how many BFers will give a boob at the slightest whimper or fidget, but would eschew a dummy with disgust?

I wish that when pregnant they wouldnt bombard you with nothing but bf bf bf.

Every pack I got from docs was BF!!! No other info about ff at all! I saw a paragraph on one leaflet and it referred to ff as artificial feeding. Now I know bf is advisable etc and I was adamant that I would bf too.

However my baby wouldn't latch or suck and I was getting severe anxiety and crying for days.

My midwife later suggested formula and I was devastated, I felt like a failure but as I have had issues with anxiety in the past and felt I was teetering on the brink of despair me and DH took the decision to ff.

I just WISH is wasn't so BF BF BF, but more like. BF is advisable, however FF is ok. It's not arsenic. Don't beat yourself up and feel like you are absolute scum for using formula. It's ok not to be ok (thanks Jessie j)

There is SO MUCH pressure from the literature I just wish all options were presented and I wasn't made to feel like a shit mother for having to take a step back, breathe, stop crying and then feed my baby without having a panic attack. Which I did at one point.

Best decision I ever made. Once I had taken it I felt I could enjoy my baby (due to not having the anxiety about will she eat / how much is she getting/ she isn't getting enough etc) and have felt so relaxed ever since

stealthpolarbear
you can't see me, but I'm applauding you!
For lots of comments - but mainly:

there are always people coming on to say smug breastfeeders shoving it down my throat, whereas its fairly clear that they are the ones being judged

Totally sums it up. And it makes me feel less weird about being an extended bf'er.

Thanks.

kayono I recieves a big nhs book when pg then again after the birth, I don't know if it's a new thing or if it's a post code lottery but it was a realy good thing for me as things had changed quite a bit from when I had ds1 and2. It covered ff and making up bottles, It also covered weaning, illnesses allsorts realy.