Men that won't / can't cook

[Bennifer]

Am I unreasonable to think it?s a little strange that there are men who either can?t or won?t cook, and also that they are supported in this by their partners.

I have to admit to having a personal angle on this. As far as I know, my 33 year old brother has never cooked a meal in his life. He lived at home until he was 21, and then moved out with his partner. In the past when I?ve asked him about it, he has jokingly said that when he has picked up a knife to chop an onion, his partner has taken it off him.

I can see the logic to this if one partner is a SAHP, for example, but neither of them is. His partner works long hours, and weekends, so rather than him cooking the meal when he gets home, he waits until his partner gets home. This can mean that they don?t eat as healthily as perhaps they could, because when you get in at 7 or 8, with no food, it?s tempting to get something quick and easy.

Is this a little strange, or am I unreasonable? I know it?s none of my business really.

i wouldn't trust my DH cooking 99& of the time, he has given himself food posioning 3 times lol.

however he make lovely cheese on toast and bean on toast and simple things like that

Should this not read "brothers who cannot cook"? Unless of course you believe your brother is representative of the Uk male population-

If my DH couldn't/wouldn't cook he would starve. We both work FT. We both eat. We both cook (and so do the DC now they're old enough)

So you cook but your brother doesn't? I suggest that it's his parents' fault. Girls used to learn to cook when their mothers did it in their presence. Why didn't your brother? Now we have younger mothers with brothers who have never lifted a finger!

I was unlucky with my first H. We had been married only a couple of months and I would get home from work at about 6pm with him arriving about 10 minutes later. I was flabbergasted when he got home the second night and asked where his dinner was. He expected it to be on the table. His mother had had a part time job and her family's food was on the table at 6.15 every evening. That was the beginning of the end.

My lovely DH (no 2) had been housekeeping for his children after his divorce. He had an 8-week menu and cooked from fresh. I felt spoilt even though we took turns. He dusted, vacuumed, cleaned toilets and bathrooms, did everything. He was a breath of fresh air.

Some people have no talent in cooking, male and female.

Some have never been taught.

Some just hate doing it.

I cook 99.999% of the time in our house because I enjoy it and am good at it, much better than my husband. This was true even when I also worked full time.

Well, I was using an example of my brother but I'm sure he is an example of the thousands of men in this situation who can't cook.

I can blame my parents to an extent, but it wasn't my mum who taught me to cook, but rather I went to university and therefore had to teach myself to cook.

I don't really get the argument that some make about having no talent in cooking, unless you're doing something very very complicated, cooking is just a case of following a recipe, e.g. fry onions, add meat, add stock, etc.

There are women who won't/can't cook too!

Am I unreasonable to think it?s a little strange that there are men who either can?t or won?t cook

Can all women cook then ? Would you also find it strange that there are women who either can?t or won?t cook

I would also find it strange if there women who either couldn't or wouldn't cook.

It's not strange really though is it, it's just not their bag. I LOVE cooking.

I do think there's a problem if parents aren't teaching their DCs cooking basics at least, that's strange.

I would also find it strange if there women who either couldn't or wouldn't cook.

Why did you identify men in your post then ?

there are lots of people who won't/can't cook. men and women inclusive.

i was taught to cook when i was v young, so obviously i have much more experience in the kitchen. i don't need recipes etc. can throw something together from the storecupboard without much notice.

DH is a lot less confident. He makes a nice bolognaise sauce, and lovely sandwiches/waffles/egg dishes, but for anything else he needs a detailed recipe or he panics a bit/feels flustered/will take forever and keep asking my opinion.

so obviously i'll be the one to cook mostly. He is very good at getting takeaways too btw! and never complains about the expense/etc. if he could buy my dinner every night rather than have me cook, he would, the only reason he doesn't is because i'm tight!

horses for courses etc

mr gin I think it popped out as men because of the OP's personal story is all.

For two reasons, firstly, I suspect there are more men who don't cook then are women who don't cook, and secondly, because I had a personal experience in this.

I just don't the "it's not my bag" thing. I'm sure if you have one in a couple who loves cooking that they would do most of the cooking, but I'm not really talking about that.

What are you talking about then?

"cooking is just a case of following a recipe, e.g. fry onions, add meat, add stock, etc."

Sounds easy doesn't it?

Except most of the time when I try it something goes wrong tries not to think of the time when a miscommunication between her and a friend meant that a whole bulb of garlic got used in a stew

Having said that I do cook, I just use jars etc instead.

Men (let's open the scope to women as well) who can't / won't cook!

I'm not talking about the couple where you have one partner who can cook, but because their partner loves it so much, they don't in order to maximise the pleasure for their partner.

Dh doesn't cook, apart from the odd fry up which I am rubbish at or simple things like toasties etc, but we do have a very 'traditional' household, this is however because I work part time so have usually dinner cooked, house sorted by the time he gets in, at the weekends we both chip in but obviously as I am more comfortable in the kitchen I tend to gravitate there while he spends time with the dc's, it works for us, however I also love cooking so maybe things would be different if I didn't! I don't feel any unnecessary pressure to push him towards the cooker just because it's the done thing, in the same way he doesn't ask me to take the bins just to make things equal

Dh wont cook, he works 6-6 every day so i dont see why he should.
I dont love cooking but i fo it because i like the family to eat a decent meal together every day.
On the days i work i normally make something big the night before that he can heat up (curry, chilli etc)
I refuse to cook on a saturday, we either have takeout or eat out, dh still doesnt cook.

When i was very ill after dc3 he made breakfast, lunch and dinner for all of us, including making bottles for dc3 so i know he can do it.

Its not a deal breaker for me, i could think of worse things

Meant to add that he did that for 6 wks

moss, I think if there's an imbalance in work hours, I can see that it makes perfect sense for you to cook, but your DH sounds like someone who doesn't cook, rather than someone who can't or won't cook.

YABU. I am a woman. I can't and don't do anything to do with my car. I have no idea what to do and don't care enough to learn so DH does it. Before DH, I would ask any old neighbour/friend.

DH can't cook. He has never cared enough to learn as he would be happy with bacon sandwiches and beans on toast. Before me, that is what he lived on.

I can't/won't fiddle with the fuse box, look in drains, take the washing machine to pieces to see what is wrong with it.

DH can't/won't iron (doesn't have to wear shirts to work, can't see the point in ironing anything else and to be honest neither can I), go to playgroups on his own with DC, darn socks.

There are also 'man' jobs that DH won't do like get rid of spiders, and 'woman' jobs that I won't do like dusting.

Doesn't matter. Necessity is the mother of invention so we could all learn to do things if needs be, until then, let's just split the jobs according to what we can and will do. As long as everyone pulls their weight, what does it matter what specific jobs they do?

I know of what you speak OP, and I will use my in-law family as an example. Grandad-in-law has never cooked. If Grandma-in-law is away, she arranges for him to be cooked for by a rota of elderly friends.

Father-in-law has never cooked. He works away during the week, and gets himself takeaway every night, or just doesn't bother eating.

My dad has never cooked. He can boil eggs.

At family gatherings the status quo very much seems to be "women in kitchen, men on sofa".

I am lucky that my husband hasn't carried on the pattern, he had to fend for himself when he went to uni and cooks most meals now, as I get home later. I have told the story on here before about how Grandma-in-law didn't believe me when she phoned one night and I told her he was doing roast dinner with Yorkshires.

My brother never cooks at home. He's a chef! So it's certainly not that he can't. More that he's lazy. Or had enough cooking for one day, maybe.

I suppose the difference is that things to do with cars, are typically more complicated than cooking, and need dealing with less frequently.

If couples are happy with it, that's fine, I just personally find it a little odd, that a man (or woman, Reg) can't or won't cook, as it's a basic life skill.

My FIL has never cooked a meal in his life. MIL admits that she hasn't done him any favours by cooking for him.
God knows what he'll do if something happens to MIL. They'll have to sort something out - I'm not starting up meals on wheels for him.