Men that won't / can't cook

[Bennifer]

Am I unreasonable to think it?s a little strange that there are men who either can?t or won?t cook, and also that they are supported in this by their partners.

I have to admit to having a personal angle on this. As far as I know, my 33 year old brother has never cooked a meal in his life. He lived at home until he was 21, and then moved out with his partner. In the past when I?ve asked him about it, he has jokingly said that when he has picked up a knife to chop an onion, his partner has taken it off him.

I can see the logic to this if one partner is a SAHP, for example, but neither of them is. His partner works long hours, and weekends, so rather than him cooking the meal when he gets home, he waits until his partner gets home. This can mean that they don?t eat as healthily as perhaps they could, because when you get in at 7 or 8, with no food, it?s tempting to get something quick and easy.

Is this a little strange, or am I unreasonable? I know it?s none of my business really.

that a man (or woman, Reg)

:o

Yanbu. There's a depressing number of threads on Mumsnet about men who don't cook (and in many cases never do any housework or engage with their children either). Its ridiculous and pathetic. My 33 year old half brother still lives at home with his mother and I doubt he has ever cooked a proper meal in his life.

I also think that women who can't cook are ridiculous and pathetic, btw.

No idea why MrGin is being so nitpicky with your op, only a very silly and pedantic person could fail to understand your meaning.

But it's choice surely? Dh HAPPILY lived on coco pops before we shacked up, he also lived on his own for a number of years and didn't have anyone popping round with Sunday roasts for him, the kind of men the op seems to be talking about are mollycoddled men who let there wives/mothers tend to there every need, my dh is certainly not in that category and I will never be that darling of a wife, we just stick to what we do best

DH can cook, but he is not very keen.....or experimental. When we were first dating, his signature dish was salmon fillets, new potatoes and steamed green veg. All. the. frikking. time. Tell a lie, he did cook the odd pasta dish. When we started living together, if he got home before me, he would start the dinner, but he faffed and/or asked loads of questions if it was something out of his comfort zone, which would irritate me. I just wanted him to cook the fucking dinner without fanfare.

He has never cooked a curry, a roast or suchlike. At 53, and bearing in mind he was single for x amount of years before I met him, following his divorce, I find this odd

The irony being that his mother is an amazing cook. I don't think she "taught" her sons though.

Now I am a SAHM I do 99% of the cooking. Even at weekends. I don't mind per se, but sometimes it would be nice to be cooked for. I actually find it really sexy when a man can cook well. Then, I am a bit food obsessed!

Cooking is a basic life skill, but one can live perfectly healthily and happily on bread, tinned beans, jacket potato, fruit, raw veg like salad and grilled meat. This is what DH used to cook, so he did have his life skill. You are talking about preparing a varied menu of family meals.

Also, I disagree about the car. There is a part of me that thinks if you drive, you should really be able to dip for oil/check tyre pressure etc. But I don't. I know it needs to be done though

My husband has cooked for me on special occasions around 3/4 times.
It has gone in the bin and substituted by a takeaway every time.

He just doesnt 'get' it. It takes him 11 minutes to cut up a Pepper. 11 freaking minutes.

I am more than happy to do all the cooking in my house, preparing in advance if i wont be there too.

Oh I completely agree deliciousdevilwoman - I find the ability to cook a really big positive attraction in a man. I had boysfriends before dh who were really good cooks, proper foodies, was v lucky. Dh has no interest in cooking but I make sure he does it at least once or twice a week.

IMO it's a nice to have rather than an essential life skill, like say DiY which I'm crap at. Division of labour wins the day.

My dgf has had to learn to cook in his seventies pdq as once nan died no one was there to do it for him. On the day of her funeral he asked whether he had a toaster where it was and how to use it. As someone else said she did him no favours cooking every meal for 50 years. he still won't butter bread as he can't master the skill of not breaking the bread!

I cook for myself and fix the car.

DH cooks 80% of our meals. He loves cooking. This may change while I'm on maternity leave (just started), or it may not. I agree that all men and women should be able to cook some basic meals to keep body and soul together. Also that men who cook are v sexy!

My SIL can cook some basic food but hates doing it, ditto BIL (who works v long hours anyway and so doesn't get home in time to cook for his kids), and they seem to exist on ready meals and takeaways. I don't really understand how anyone can hate cooking. I like it, although when I'm starving it is very hard to knuckle down and prepare something instead of stopping on the way home to pick up chips/pizza etc.

I can see the logic to this if one partner is a SAHP, for example, but neither of them is

Well I'm a SAHM and I still can't see the logic in marrying a fuckwit.

Anyone can cook a basic meal if they can be bothered to learn how.

And learning has never been easier given the amount of step by step guides on the internet that even have videos to accompany them!

Seriously, I would NOT move in with a man who couldn't cook (at least basic stuff), clean etc. If a guy had moved from his mum's -> with a girlfriend and had never lived on his own/in a flatshare, I'd be highly dubious about being in a LTR with him.

My current BF (we don't live together) has his own place, does his own laundry, does his own cleaning. I have my own place & do the same. If we end up living together, I would not expect him to suddenly forget how to operate the washing machine etc.

Perhaps we should make all potential marriage material take a basic life skills exam before settling down with them! Not all people are all things.

YANBU. There is no such thing as can't cook, just won't cook. If you can read you can cook. That last sentence was a direct quote from DH to his Dad when FIL asked him how he had learnt to look after himself when he went to Uni.

During the week I tend to do most of the cooking but that is only because I get in from work first at the moment. At the weekend DH does most of the cooking to make up for that.

Since having DD he has always made a special effort, not just to cook but to take his share in all other domestic jobs too. (He is much better at cleaning bathrooms than I am!) He has said that he thinks this is important so that she grows up seeing her Dad do all these things and knows that it is reasonable for a man to do it. He reckons that if in her future life she takes up with some idle git who tries to pretend that men can't cook / clean / iron or whatever, she will know he is talking rubbish.

He thought that up himself with no prompting from me!

YANBU. It baffles me that anyone thinks they can decide they don't do basic, essential things like cooking. I'd have absolutely no tolerance for a man who thought that going to work exempted him from cooking. In fact, he'd occupy a brief but extremely hungry role in my life. But then I blame the women who enable men to develop these outdated and unrealistic expectations.

Yanbu
DH couldn't cook, he had a childhood of waffles and oven chips (mil is the worst cook ever!) and a student life of ready meals.
I wasn't very good either tbh.
But when we had children it was important to both of us not to feed them rubbish, so we both just got on with it - it is not hard to follow a recipe.
Therefore I agree op, there is no excuse for men (or women) who say 'I don't cook'. Lazy.

we both work FT, but every meal DH has ever cooked himself from scratch has ended up in the bin! I love cooking whereas he just doesn't 'get it' he does try but it is disgusting . He can cook steak, fry eggs and does a mean breakfast but anything else is just like a martian has landed in the kitchen....I however prefer to eat a meal I enjoy (so do the kids) so I cook - he does the dishes...

DH is a dreadful cook, not unwilling and can knock together stuff on toast for the DC. 95% of the time I cook for everyone, its just easier all round. OTOH he is a neat freak who loves to clean and tidy :)

Our household simply couldn't function if we didn't share the cooking. How the hell would DS eat on the nights I am working if DP didn't cook for him? DP and I share the after school-bedtime stints.

IMO DP is a terrible not ever so accomplished cook. So what, we aren't on Masterchef, just getting ourselves fed on a week night.

I don't know how women can live in households where men don't pull thier weight, and i don't know how an intelligent adult can claim not to be able to manage simple cooking. It's undignified.

I do all the cooking because I like doing it and I'm better at it than my DP. I can quite happily have 3-4 different pans on the go but my DP can only cope with one thing at a time. If I can't be bothered to cook then my DP will pay for the takeaway or heat us up some leftovers from the freezer. If he wasn't with me he'd live off ready meals and things from jars which I'm not willing to do.

Yup. DH can't cook. But he's not unwilling, it's just so tedious to wait for him to prepare things. But... as others have said, it's also because he really would happily subsist on steamed vegetables, boiled eggs and baked beans so it's not like he expects me to cook. If I don't feel like it and he needs to prepare something for both of us, he'll rustle up an omelette or fish fingers with veg or similar. And if he's not worrying about me, he'll just steam vegetables and eat them with couscous and olive oil.

He's also slowly but surely getting into preparing meals for DS. Currently I tell him what to prepare, but then he gets on with it. Admittedly, currently it's "take food out of freezer. Cut up slice of avocado" but we're advancing slowly and DS has had cooked vegetables and scrambled eggs this week. Next week I've put macaroni chees on the menu (cheat's version).

I blame the school system :)

It is all down to the parents and their dynamic.

My father was away alot of the time but cooked at the weekends (much better at roasts than my Mother). My Mother cooked all week, they started teaching us at the age of 6.

My DP cooks 90% of the time, he loves it i hate it and when i do cook its very basic and by the time i've cooked it im not hungry and feel all flustered and irritated. And he works more hours than me But it works for us and thats all that matters.

I hate cooking so my DH does it all. I can make a few things like spag bol, but I don't enjoy it and certainly if I was only cooking for myself, I wouldn't bother and would live off pasta and sauce or beans on toast. I'm not that fussed about food so I don't see the point in making an effort.

On the other hand, DH refuses to drive, so I do all the driving and car maintenance.