If you take your kids to the cafe, you shouldn't bring a packed lunch for them?

[AndiMac]

I'm at the garden centre and there's a soft play area attached to the cafe bit. A mum with two kids about 4 is here with her friend. They have ordered lunch, but the kids are having food the mum brought from home. Not just a couple of breadsticks, but sandwiches, sides and a drink. The cafe has food for kids, so that isn't an excuse.

I can understand that going out for lunch is expensive, but am I being unreasonable to think if you can't afford to buy lunch for your kids as well as yourself, maybe you should come after lunch and just have a coffee?

eppa you get 1 adult meal and share it out.

There is no excuse for your rudeness sorry.

I had 3 under 18 months and never turned up anywhere with 3 packed lunches.I'd buy 1 meal and a side of an adult menu and share it out.It's not difficult.Cafes will always provide tap water.

Mrs Heffley - the thing is I honestly don't see it as rudeness!
I genuinely don't see that there is a problem with bringing toddler food if me and my husband are paying for meals and coffee/drinks. In fact if we are at a department store or garden centre we have probably also paid for goods there too so they have more than got their moneys worth out of us. I really don't see it as an issue - what harm am I causing? Either I don't go out at all in which case the cafe owner gets no money or I go out and take the kids some food and the cafe owner gets some money out of me. Surely it is win win?

I work in the food industry and I think people eating their own food in cafes etc is disgraceful. You wouldn't take your own beer into a pub after all and the same rule applies where people sell food.

Sorry Mrs Heffley, ds cannot eat a lot of the food because he can pretty much only eat mashed/pureed food and some biscuits crisps that dissolve. I guess I am lucky to live in an area where the lovely cafes have never had a problem with me bringing in stuff that I know ds can manage to eat. As I say I always buy something for myself - ds would be with me anyway, so we are hardly taking up space that someone else would be taking. I often see groups of teenagers sharing one coffee, or someone sat on their own at a large table for ages reading a book when their coffee is long gone. These customers are all welcomed by the cafe, so don't see why I shouldn't be. I used to work in a cafe and would never have had a problem with it either, whether the reason be allergies, fussiness or sn.

YAB very U! Haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to add that my dd has multiple allergies and there are very few restaurants or cafe's where she can eat safely. She is allergic to milk, egg and nuts. Very different to being intolerant, which not many people realise. Until you have a child with real allergies you do not appreciate just how difficult eating out is. I'd love to be able to order for my dd in restaurants.

I don't need to eat out but I want to, so that usually involves taking food with me for my dd. Can't see why anyone would be annoyed about it. I'd rather not do it but I don't feel I have any choice in most cases.

Actually, some cafes won't always provide tap water.

The one we sometimes use when we take DS and the dog to a local country park has a sign up stating that they will no longer give out tap water for people but they have bottles of mineral water available to buy.

Do they put a bowl outside for the dogs? That's my definition of a friendly cafe.

Oh, it is not about allergies-C'mon!! Besides, why go to a restaurant or cafe if your children can't eat or drink the food there -go somewhere they CAN eat and drink, or just have them eat at home. It simply strikes me as parents shelling out money for themselves to eat and drink the cafe food/drink, but denying that splurge for their kids. If the parent can not afford to splurge on the child and buy them something to eat, then it is rude of them to "treat" themselves!! In genuine cases of allergies, I can't see why a parent would decide to take out a packed picnic and eat it in Starbucks-just have them eat BEFORE you go into a coffe house- otherwise you're just using the place as a picnic table.
And before you say it, don't get me started on those with laptops sitting there for hours - I can't understand why they are allowed to do that and take tables that paying customers are waiting for!
Apologies if I have offended anyone, but it does annoy me to no end when I can't find a seat in Starbucks because kids are having a picnic and other lunatics are propped up with computers and oblivious that others are waiting to sit.

by your reasoning Mummle, me and dd would never be allowed in a cafe. She doesnt eat. She cant eat.
But why shouldnt I be able to go in with her?

KalSkirata, If she doesn't eat - fine - as long as you buy something and don't start opening a picnic spread for her on the table - that is my point. Perhaps, however, a drink for your DD in a cafe would be possible - just so that it could be a treat for her, too?

Mumlee, I do try to pick places that DS can eat, but sometimes you don't have a choice, If for example you are visiting a country house in the middle of nowhere. I'm using that as an example as it is something that actually happened to us. We were miles from anywhere and there was nothing DS could eat, not even the crisps. From bitter experience I had brought emergency rations for DS thankfully.

Why the fuck would I feed DS before us and then make him sit watching us eat? It was bad enough him being different from the rest of the kids eating his packed lunch. You clearly have no understanding of how that makes me or DS feel otherwise you wouldn't post such utter crap.

I cant see the difference Mummle. And no, my dd cant drink either. She is tube fed.
But me sitting there without her eating or if she could, and had a home sandwhich makes feck all difference to the table occupancy.

Mummie what an ignorant pile of nonsense. Go away and stop posting crap.

As you were.

mummie, ds is always with me, sometimes it's nice to go to a cafe for a coffee and cake or lunch, or meet friends - what would ds do for the whole time if he can't eat anything?

I know is a little off topic OP but I think I know the Garden centre you mean! :oI was also there today and I must say, they are very expensive food wise!!

Some decorum BrownBoobBear, please!

If you disagree with my view, please at least attempt to bring a coherent point of view to the table, rather than lowering the tone.

KalSkirata - you seem to be missing my point. If your DD can't eat or drink, you are not then having a picnic in Starbucks then, are you? My complaint is that parents sometimes use Starbucks as picnic tables...not that a child is not eating... Yes, I did suggest that, if an adult was eating or drinking there, then it would be nice for the kid to have a treat too...but, if your DD isn't eating or drinking and you are not bringing out the picnic bag, your circumstance are not what I am critical of...and...I am truly sorry if you thought I was including your circumstances in my complaint.

Ok, but mummie, two things

1 - sometimes people have perfectly valid reasons for bring a 'picnic' (ie food that the child can actually eat) and

2 - that if the cafe is ok with it, then why is it any of your business?!

Trixymalixy - First of all, I shouldn't think that you would be in a cafe, of the Starbucks variety, for so long that your child actually required an entire meal for the duration of your visit. If it is, in fact meal time, why not take the child and yourself off to eat first? I am not talking about restaurant circumstances here - I am talking about a Starbucks incident. I know that the OP was not talking about cafes like Starbucks, but I am, because I find it ridiculous to see children picnicking in Starbucks. Perhaps your DS should be an exception from my vitriol and, for that fact, others who truly have eating alleges, etc., BUT, I definitely do not think that the people that I have seen so often ALL have allergies or the like..it is just some cheeky people using the place like a picnic area...I wouldn't be making this fuss if a child had a feeding tube or some real disability, allergy or other issue..be sensible!

But how do you know whether a child has a disability or an allergy? Quite often I find the general public completely fail to notice that my son has a disability (he receives higher rate care and higher rate mobility and will need lifelong 24 hour care). Well I assume they've failed to notice given their twatish behaviour.

Hazey - Maybe it bothers me so much because the children who are usually picnicking are also running around and yelling, as if it were a picnic table in a park. It seems that the people who I have run into never bothered to differentiate between "park" etiquette and cafe etiquette.

Mummle, I don't think you would know that my ds is disabled by looking at him. As I said earlier a selection of food that he can eat bits of, keeps him happy whilst i get to sit and have a coffee, and maybe chat to a friend (these are the things that keep me sane), the thought that you may be sat there tutting inwardly at us is a shame. You know it really isn't any of your business.

Trix, agree with you totally.

My dd enjoys eating out. She has a lunch bag with her main meal and snacks. She likes to look around at other children etc. In my opinion its all part of her learning and development.

Mummie you say your not applying it to allergy sufferers but my dd doesn't wear a sign, so would we have to suffer people like you glaring at us while we enjoy our lovely home made cheap picnics?

And there is no way I'd make my dd eat before we went.

doesnt bother me if ppl like mmle tut away. In fact, I might take longer and we take up loads of space
Might bring a laptop too and mumsnet while ignoring my child.

"It simply strikes me as parents shelling out money for themselves to eat and drink the cafe food/drink, but denying that splurge for their kids. If the parent can not afford to splurge on the child and buy them something to eat, then it is rude of them to "treat" themselves!!"

It's probably more likely that they don't want to be charged over the odds for something that they know their child won't finish, rather than being too poor, too mean or too selfish to treat their child as well as themselves.