If you take your kids to the cafe, you shouldn't bring a packed lunch for them?

[AndiMac]

I'm at the garden centre and there's a soft play area attached to the cafe bit. A mum with two kids about 4 is here with her friend. They have ordered lunch, but the kids are having food the mum brought from home. Not just a couple of breadsticks, but sandwiches, sides and a drink. The cafe has food for kids, so that isn't an excuse.

I can understand that going out for lunch is expensive, but am I being unreasonable to think if you can't afford to buy lunch for your kids as well as yourself, maybe you should come after lunch and just have a coffee?

Sorry came to this thread a bit late. Only skim red it,.
Generally I would agree with you OP but I think soft play is a bit different, people cme for the play, the cafe is just somewhere to sit and if you buy something, well and good but it isn't obligatory, is it?
By the way I've never seen people in a "normal" cafe getting out their packed lunches -do people really do that?

hazyjane I meant you can't* tell

hazey not hazy

there, there

I apologise for my phrasing it as screaming, that was unnecessary. I still think my question is valid, if we are going to assume that it's because the kids have allergies.

notaniphoneownerjustabadtypist, just to clarify, this was not a soft play. This was a garden centre. In the garden centre, there is a cafe and in the cafe, there is a soft play area attached. The soft play is free. Would it stay free if everyone brought their own lunch?

YANBU

Can you just imagine trying to do this in Europe? Ignorant people are always banging on how "child friendly" Europe is but I know that if you had the audacity to bring out your own food in a cafe in Italy, say, you would be at worst lynched, at best slapped with a very hefty cover charge.

Cafes, wherever they are, are not charitable institutions. They have to pay rates, rent, staff, etc etc etc. What if everybody bought their own food in?

(Actually some of the worst offenders are middle-class pensioners. I've seen people in the Waitrose cafe go and get buns from the bakery department, eat them in the cafe and then get up and go leaving the wrapping behind.)

Thanks for the apology, Andi, accepted.

Obviously we don't know if the family you saw had dietary issues. I think all of us dealing with them ourselves are simply imagining ourselves similarly judged. In general, I agree with you that one should purchase food in a cafe. I do for myself and other members of the family, just not necessarily for DS1. I don't suppose we'll ever know why that particular family you saw didn't, unless they recognise themselves on MN and come forward to explain...

i think that those of us who have the misfortune of mothering a child with a SEVERE food allergy should infuture dump the epi pens on the cafe table in full view of the nosey bastards who have a bug up their arse :)

Andimac Ah OK, so not a soft play with a cafe, but a cafe with a soft play. Yes there is a difference I suppose! Only I hacve sometimes been sat at a soft play cafe and not bought anything, it's just a place to park your bum while the kids play.

YANBU unless the children are on a special diet.

I have a fussy eater, my dsis has twins with severe dairy allergies,my sil has a dd with a digestive condition so she has an extremely restricted diet.None of us have ever taken a packed lunch to a cafe.Cafes serve food from all food groups.

Sorry there is no excuse for anybody to do that.It's extremely rude,surprised they weren't thrown out.

In the soft play places we go to, it clearly states that only food bought on the premises can be consumed there. If you want to eat your own packed lunch, or mix bought and packed lunch food, one provides outside tables.

I was once with a friend who got out a huge packed lunch with cut up chicken, lots of different veggies and her own drinks in one of these. I was mortified. No-one noticed, but it was one of the many reason we now don't get together that much, I find this type of behaviour really embarrassing (and no, no dietary issues).

And for all those saying their child can't have fruit juice; the very least you can do is order a mineral water or get one free (all places have to serve you this) rather than get out your own drinks. I travelled recently with a child who had had a stomach upset and she could only have water and some toast in every restaurant, so that's what we paid for. The exception to this is obviously extreme allergies, but not being able to have fruit juice does not justify you bringing your own drinks! And with allergies, my guess would be that most polite people would explain to the cafe why they were eating their own food and ask if it was ok, and I bet most would be completely happy (just as when my friend has only hot water to drink, she doesn't expect it for free). It's not those people, it's the ones with the complete packed lunch for three children who have one bowl of soup that are taking the mickey.

My ds is allergic to: nuts, seeds, gluten, dairy, egg, tomatoes. If we're talking cafes it is practically impossible for them to cater for him, we always have a sachet of food/packed lunch for him. I've never been to a cafe that can cater for him.

So YABU as you couldn't possibly know the reasons behind it.

When we go out I always ask beforehand to check its ok and we always order food for my other 2 dcs. It is a complete pain in the arse so we tend to not go out to eat if we can help it. But I've never thought that people could be judging me.

Exactly msis recently on a trip to the zoo bought along a tiny sandwich from home but bought crisps,drinks and dried fruit bags from the cafe to go with them.Us 3 adults all bought the works for us on top and meal boxes for my 3.Dsis and I aren't flush so using the severe allergy as an excuse could have saved us a fortune but I feel that is completely wrong.

If you can't afford to eat in cafes (order a meal and take off what isn't suitable for your child or ask for food to be prepared specially) you don't go. Cafes aren't running a charity.

Mrs Heffley, that may work for you, but doesn't for everyone, just because you deal with your issues in that way doesn't mean that everyone should, or can.

As I said earlier I would always ask if it is ok, and get something for myself.

I would like to everyone screaming "allergies" a question. I can understand if the kids have allergies. However, can you explain why they would need to bring an Innocent Smoothie from home rather than buying a fruit juice or juicy water from the cafe?

AndiMac, it could be because the drinks on offer are not suitable (e.g. some allergic children cannot have apple/orange juice, many smoothies contain banana, which my DS is very highly allergic to). Or it could be because the children have been trained only to eat food from home because this is safer and limits the risk of severe reactions as descibed by some posters above.

Wherever we go, DS can only have chips. In many cafes/shops which do not serve chips there is literally nothing on the menu he can eat. We always take food to be on the safe side. I don't see why he should be excluded from a family day trip to the garden centre because they are not willing to let him eat his lunch on the premises. Should he made to sit in the car on his own while the rest of the family tucks in?

Yes, there are lots of mums on this thread who have children with allergies. It's probably because threads like this wind us up and we come out in force to defend ourselves! I hate people giving me snidey looks in real life situations like this, but of course I am unable to defend myself in real life without making a scene, so I do enjoy a good rant on mumsnet!!!!

I think op needs to get a life! Jesus who cares anyway!!

i have actually been known to lean over and tell a middle aged women giving me looks that my daughter has severe nut allergy (didn't bother to mention the others) whilst clutching two epipens and waving them at her, i smiled and said i doubt she had mothered a child with a food allergy and thus had no understanding of the fear in knowing that your child could actually risk death by eating just a tiny mouthful that was contaminated, it shut her up

OP I would like to say YANBU but I can't because I don't understand why it bothered you so much.

It's not your cafe, the owner or staff didn't complain to them, the mothers may even have asked if it was okay to let the children eat their packed lunch while they ordered cafe meals for the adults, it doesn't seem to have stopped anyone else getting a seat and they weren't causing any nuisance to anyone else.

They may or may not have allergies and it may or may not have been their first visit, so the wouldn't necessarily know what drinks and meals were on the menu. Some cafe's have a wide range of good products on offer, others are all cheese strings and panda pops. DS drinks a lot so we always take several drinks out with us rather than wait until he is thirsty and leave it to chance to find something he likes and is allowed to have.

People here have given very genuine reasons why they would do the same thing and it's not always possible to avoid going out over lunchtime.

We sell food at work, including meals for children, but it isn't the main point of the business and if someone brings a packed lunch in for a child then nobody objects. We've even offered them plates and cutlery or offered to warm something up for them.

These people were having nice day out with no harm done, the cafe and the garden centre still benefited from their business and the children had their lunch and ate it. You might not do the same thing but you weren't inconvenienced in any way by them doing it.

Yes cafes serve from all food groups but when for years my son would only eat gluten free bread with jam on it, buckwheat pancakes, gluten free cheese and tomato pizza, gluten free cakes and gluten free biscuits, and ready salted Walkers crisps. That was it. nothing else. Most cafes will serve crisps, but not necessarily Walkers and he wouldn't eat any other brand of ready salted (and he could and would smell the difference).

As he was severely autistic we didn't really do many meals out,certainly not for pleasure, but if we were forced to use a cafe I just asked, no-one ever objected.

Now he eats everything and anything and I get him to point at what he wants.

As long as someone's paying for a meal I don't judge others for having food for their small ones or mediums or bigs.

I don't know anything about them at all.

cafes serve food from all food groups

Generally i find this not to be the case. If it's the type of cafe that just serves soup sandwiches and cakes, generally they are pre made and there is not a single thing DS can eat, including the crisps which very often have milk in. We have had this happen at several national trust properties. Which is why we always take a back up plan.